Put the FUN in dysFUNctional

Sticks and Stones

2008-05-14T07:01:00.001-07:00

The internet is a tricky thing.

You make "friends" with people.

You get some real idiots that can argue with you, say mean things that leave a mark or just make your life miserable by stalking you.

Like most recently I was scouring a certain "list" for things to pick up around the house. You know for a deal? Like an internet garage sale.

Things I was looking for:

Used Cedar Swing Set for Casey
Used Patio Furniture cuz we need a 2nd table and chairs for all the entertaining we do
Pub Table for our kitchen we literally never eat in but would look good with a much smaller table
Poker Table

So I find a pub and poker table on the same listing. I emailed the person asking for pics of the pub table because I want a square one. This person emailed me back pics with a round one and a poker table used a few times in the original box. This person lists OBO.

In the spirit of BEST OFFER, I did a little research on the poker table. Found the exact same one on a local sporting good store and Target for $99.

So I emailed the person and said "Sorry, I was hoping the pub table was square not round but I'd like to offer you $50 for the poker table."

The email back to me "I was hoping for $100 on the poker table."

I emailed back and said "Thank you but I'm not interested. I can buy that table new in the store for $100. Thanks anyway for your time."

Email comes back "Really? The box says $200 but I won't argue with you about it." Really cuz that's what it seems like you're doing trying to justify your nasty crabby self.

My better judgement should have stopped me right here. But I wanted the guy/girl whatever to know I wasn't lying. So I emailed back "Yep. Target and Sports Authority both have it online for $99"

The email response to that.

"Then go get one. Tired of these Craigslist Deadbeat FUCKS"

DUDE----If I was trying to surprise my husband with a poker table as a "little surprise"--- I'm trying to get a BARGAIN...hence what the list is for....people looking to sell shit they don't want locally without ebay or having to set up for an actual garage sale.....why would I spend the same amount of money on your USED one that I could get in the store for the SAME price.???

Insert staring emoticon face here.

I mean I'm not looking to strike a goldmine here and find a NEW $400 retail patio set for $100. I'm looking to find a slightly used $400 retail patio set for $100. If I just wanted to drop $100 I'd go to Walmart and buy their slightly crappier craftsmanship 5 piece set for $99. I'm looking for a deal. Someone sick of their patio furniture. Someone moving and not wanting to move perfectly good patio furniture. I'm not looking to score a $500 brand new for $75.

Nor am I expecting to find a $2,000 Rainbow cedar swing set for $200. I'm finding slightly used sets that were that much when they were originally bought and are now 3-4 years old for around $400-$500 sometimes $600. And we're trying to decide if we are going to spend that much.

Your stupid $100 DEADBEAT FUCK comment over a poker table.... that takes a special kind of idiot.

Sticks and stones....

Sanity Is a Luxury

2008-05-12T05:18:00.003-07:00

My world has been a crazy place this last year.

This last week I've realized all the little things I missed. All the little things I took for granted before I got sick.

Things like taking my daughter to play group and having her get so excited to see me when I pick her up like she hasn't seen me in days.

Things like taking her for a "birthday meal" (because she hears me saying HAPPY meal at her favorite golden arches) and then taking her to feed the ducks at the river.

Things like snuggling for the afternoon because it's just her and I.

Things like watching my son pitch a baseball game. Seeing him up there on the mound...just amazes me. THAT is MY son and he's kicking ass and taking names up there.

Things like phone calls from my Dad telling me he's ok. He had an infection. No sign of cancer. He's OK.

Things like my sister calling to tell me that her pathology results came back clean. No sign of cancer from tissue taken out under her armpit.

All these things are good.
All these things are amazing.

When all these things happen on the SAME Friday; it's a GOOOOD day.

Borrowed Time

2008-05-05T05:35:00.000-07:00

Once cancer has touched your family everything is different.

Simple flu "bugs" seem monumental.

Colds that hang on too long become worrisome.

Once cancer has touched your life you seem to be in constant limbo.

Waiting for that other shoe to fall.

Remission is a tricky place. Grateful for it to be gone but constantly looking over your shoulder waiting for the day it might catch up to you again.

For me, that day seemed to be Friday night again.

I was standing in Linens N' Things when my cell phone rang.

It was my Dad telling me he's being admitted to the hospital. Whhhhhhatttt? Why?

It seems he's been unable to keep anything down since Tuesday (which I knew he wasn't feeling well) but he's had it coming out of both ends since Wed and his doctor is concerned.

In 1990 at the age of 38 he was diagnosed with colon cancer. He fought it and beat it.

Since then; every cold, every flu, every ache and pain....haunts you.

He's had a battery of tests run and we're supposed to find out today what's up.

The statistic that's not good? When you beat colon cancer.....cancer usually comes back later somewhere else.

1990 until now..feels like borrowed time.

So now..we wait....

In the Land of Men

2008-04-28T14:05:00.000-07:00

In the Land of Men

Remembering to put the toliet paper roll on should make up for forgetting to clean out his closet of dry cleaner wrappers for WEEKS on end. (HELLO we have a toddler in the house! PLASTIC IS BAD!)

Merely getting his late night dinner dishes from the living room to the kitchen counter should be enough for me. It doesn't matter that I left a note 3 inches away that read "Please start the dishwasher after you load your dinner dishes."

When I ask for you to start some of the things on my to-do list while I'm at work...READING the list.... does. not. count.

Pretending that you aren't capable of combing our daughter's hair will not get you out of continuing to try to learn and saying to me "You're better at it than I am." will not be enough flattery to absolve you. Believe me.

Taking my car to run errands and then coming home to tell me "Your gas light came on" when you have to pass 2 different gas stations to pull into our subdivision..might just get you stabbed in the eye.

Lastly, when I'm showering DO not think it's ok to simply walk in and take a piss claiming "I just wanted to be close to you."

This is what happens

2008-04-28T12:56:00.000-07:00

This is what happens when you don't update your "family" picture for 3 years. You get 2 more grandchildren. My nephew Gabriel and Casey weren't even born the last time we took this picture.

This is how much your children grow up in a year when you don't update your blog.

This is how much you realize that even though you're one big blended family across the board.; all those years of people telling you "You have a half brother and half sister" and your son being told he has a "half" sister....you're all family. ONE BIG NUTTY DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY!

We decided to take new family pictures for my Mom for Mother's Day this year. Mostly cuz of the 2 newest additions but well none of us could think of any other kind of cool gift so this worked.

Getting 11 people together for one picture..with 3 kids under the age of 5. Not so easy. I was less than impressed with the photographers...and this is what we ended up with.

This is one Kelly and I decided to take for our Dad.

And this one is our very first professional family picture since Casey was born. In almost 3 years we've never done it. I think we should start doing this more often.

Notice the toy in her hand. She REFUSED to give it up and ya know what???? I don't care.

Creative Juices? Ewww

2008-04-25T04:58:00.001-07:00

So last night it occurred to me that if I'm going to start blogging again I should sit down and ponder getting back my sense of humor. These last few months have just wiped me of it so it seems.

I start thinking of funny things, silly things, hilarious things that my kids, husband or dog have done.

I came up with a whole lotta nuttin'.

It was wretched.

I'm a pretty funny girl and I usually look for the funny side of most shit that occurs in my life otherwise I'd end up screaming at trees and scaring the neighborhood children. This time...not so much.

Then it happened....

My son walked past me smelling like not just ONE gym locker, but TWO. It should be a crime to smell that bad but he had baseball practice and then rode his bike home..in the rain...so he smelled like sweat AND wet dog. Wonderful. Anyway, enough about my son's stink.

He sees me sitting at the PC.

"What's up MOM-EE?"

"Not much Bubba....you ARE going to shower soon? Right?"

"Yeah. After I eat this."

I'm now looking down at a plate with 4 sloppy joes, a can of pringles and an additional tupperware with the equivalent of 1/2 a can of chopped pineapple and 1/2 a pint of strawberries mixed together. HOW IN THE WORLD anyone consumes that much is beyond me. My stomach hurt just looking at it but he IS a growing 15 yr old.

"Ok. Well I'm just sitting here trying to write down some stuff for my blog."

"Awesome. You're gonna blog again? That's sweet Mom. So basically you're trying to get your creative juices flowing?"

EEEEWWWWWEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW

Apparently the ability for my mind to jump from curb to gutter taking approximately 1.2 seconds has RETURNED because hearing your son say any phrase that includes the word JUICES and FLOWING .....

IS.JUST.WRONG

My disgusting perverseness is still intact. Check.

Seeing my son as a human being. Check.

Humor? I'm working on it.

Good thing he's cute.

Almost a Year in the Life

2008-04-24T11:39:00.000-07:00

It's been nearly a year since I last blogged look at how big the children were at Christmas time.

I want to first apologize to anyone and everyone that read and ever began to care about me and my little family through their monitors. It hasn't been easy for me. I'm not proud of the way I handled the situation entirely. Some things I couldn't help and didn't see them for what they were until long after it was all over.

It wasn't right for me to only think of my own self preservation.

The depression just really set it once everything was over..cuz it was like chaos for a while and then the dust cleared and my family was a mess and I'd felt like I failed everyone and all my friendships were in ruins. That's when I really felt like I'd just screwed everything up. It wasn't fair to anyone for me to completely check out like that. I just had all I could handle trying to stay afloat during it all and then trying to fix the immediate and biggest problems once it was all over. Plus raise 2 kids in the middle of all that.

But to be honest, I haven't felt like me in a long time and I'm just now starting to realize what I almost lost. I almost lost ME....and the person I was so proud of being. The friend I was so proud of being. For what? A few months of hell...not worth it. I'm working really hard at balancing it all and getting back to being grateful for everything I have.

I don't expect anyone to come running back every day reading my every word. I'm not even sure I'm going to blog every day. I will get back to my humor and my chaos and hope that as time can heal me it can mend the fences in my relationships but still tear down the walls I built to keep everyone out.

If you're still with me....I'll give you a

"A Year in the Life of the Put the Fun in Dysfunctional Family in 12 paragraphs or less. (3 paragraphs per member)

I don't want to talk about the treatments. It's over and done and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I will say this...fighting for your own life isn't as hard as fighting for your kids. With your kids you are pretty helpless and that's so hard. For yourself, you strap your boots on everyday and do it. Unfortunately for me...my motherhood skills didn't come in too effective when it came to multitasking..and while I was saving my body- I cut off all my internet friends that I know cared a great deal and I'm so sorry for ever making anyone angry or hurt. Therapy has helped a great deal and things are looking up. I can only imagine what an addict of some sort feels like when they have to say "I'm an addict" because it's hard for me to admit...."I just checked out." I've never been that type of selfish person and I hope I never am again...but I just couldn't deal with all the questions and the concern. It made me feel like I was already DYING and I didn't want to die. I am happy to report that I am cancer free.

It was a year April 15th that I got laid off from my job. Since then we made the big move. The house and yardwork are more than I ever imagined possible...but we're learning to balance our time. The beginning of the school year (isn't that crazy since the school year is damn near over) worked out well for all of us...even though it was an adjustment. For me the end of summer last year brought an opportunity I wasn't sure I was up for....a wife of one of Jeff's coworkers wondered if I should look into watching children since I would be staying home for the time being. I registered on one "nanny" website and 3 days later I had 2 interviews. I ended up taking a job for a family with 2 kids, a girl 9 and a boy 7. They live about 7 minutes from me. They needed me 4-5 hours a day from 7-9am and 3:30 til 5:30 or 6pm. Because of the split hours I got to be home and have my own time from 9-3 every day. Because of the split "goofy" hours my boss was willing to pay more for me with the "Mom factor" as she called it then some early 20something single girl. Because of all this....I get to be home and do my thing with Casey from 9-3pm 5 days a week with no daycare cost to myself and I make almost what I used to make after I was paying $800 a month for daycare for Casey while I worked. All this = partime work for almost full time pay=financially not all that bad It's turned out to be the best thing I could have done. They give me the day or afternoon off all the time, over pay me almost every week, gave me a week's HIGH salary for a Christmas bonus and I adore the kids and they adore Casey. They let me take the kids to Kyle's football and baseball games and I have so much flexibility. It's because of all of this and the friendship I have developed with my boss that I have agreed to work full time for her over the summer. So 50 hours a week. She's agreed that because of my inground pool I can spend 2-3 days a week at my own house with them and 2 or 3 days at her house so the kids can have friends over and play with their friends in their neighborhood...for $525 a week. So basically it starts June 9th through Aug 22nd. Then I get 3 days off before the kids start school because their Mom takes that week off to take them to Great America and shop for school clothes, etc. It'll be hard but double the income for 10 weeks doesn't suck...

Which brings me to this.....Overall Jeff and I have never been better...we were both worried the financial crap wrapped up in all the chaos and changes would just lead us right to the path of divorce..but honestly he's never been happier with me home enjoying Casey. The hours sometimes present an issue like "Gosh I'm right in the middle of something. I wish I didn't have to go back to work at 3pm." but over time we've worked it out. I think he's just happy that his job has been so financially sound that I've been able to work part-time and have the time to be here for the kids. We both know the summer is going to challenge us...but we've hired a cleaning lady for ridiculously CHEAP..she works for the family I work for and she gave me such a good deal we just couldn't pass her up for the summer. This way since I'll be gone 50 hours a week I can spend the weekends with my kids. We have been together 6 years this past January and are planning a trip to Vegas for our 5th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY in October.

Jeff

After the move Jeff continued to drive about an hour and 15 mins to work until it boiled over in late November. He decided after the 1st of the year he wanted to transfer to a closer store and hopefully be a manager of his own store. He applied for a store 5 mins from home but didn't get it. He applied again in late March for another store about a 1/2 hour away..and I'm happy to report that May 5th he officially starts as MANAGER of his own store. Verizon has been very good to us. In less than 2 years he's been hired and promoted 2 times. This promotion brings a nice price tag of more pay between base and commission targets plus he a small gas increase but with prices where they are..something is better than nothing. He really just enjoys being able to support me emotionally as well as financially being home. Anyway, he's doing well.

His family is the same as ever...they suck. (Is that a paragraph?)

He's been able to grow more in being such a wonderful Dad since this move....because I'm not screaming or nagging or whatever at him to help me do things around the house because I'm home all day to do them. When he gets home he just gets to be DAD...with the exception of the yard work lately for spring..he gets to spend his days off with the kids and me doing something fun. He and Kyle have been working on their relationship and with a little therapy have come a long way. We've both started weight watchers in January and he's lost a ton of weight and 2 pants sizes. I'm down 20lbs since January 14th. We bought an elliptical machine with our tax return and we hit it about 6 times a week between the 2 of us.

Kyle

Kyle's transition to high school as well as the move has turned out quite well. Not without a few bumps in the road but by all accounts..he's done extremely well. He's had 3 girlfriends but is currently single. He's been to 2 formal dances at his own school and 2 formal dances at the school from back home. That's 2 homecomings, a winter formal at his school and one dance where the girl asks the boy from back home. He's pulling a B average in school with the exception of spanish. He struggles. I don't mind one C on the report card but he's pulling 3 or 4 As, 2 Bs and 1 C every report card.

Football was awesome. They went undefeated. He had 7 interceptions as a safety for the defense and he LOVED IT! Baseball is going well. Lots of rainouts so far but right now they are 12-1. He's pitching and playing 2nd base again and when 50+ kids tried out for the team he was convinced he might get cut. They ended up taking 30 kids and he's a starter on the A team. So he must hold his own pretty well. He's made a lot of "friendly friends" as I would call them but not a lot of "close" friends yet. I miss the kids that are at my house all the time constantly..someone you can always count on him hanging with...but he hasn't made any of those, not yet anyway. It's pretty seasonal by sport. He hung with the same kids during football..then when a few went on to play basketball and he didn't he started hanging out with a different group of kids..now that his basketball friends are done and he's playing baseball but they aren't..it's a totally different group of kids. Which is fine...spread yourself around..but it's hard to get to know the kids really well when they constantly switch. He's taking drivers ed in summer school and has had his permit since December. He's actually a fairly good driver and we're hoping that my sister is ready to buy a new car by the fall and she'll sell us her 1998 Ford ZX2 for $1,000. It's transmission was replaced about a year ago and for $1,000 we'll have a 3rd vehicle for him to drive. Isn't that just crazy...he's going to be 16 in September?

He and Jeff have gotten closer and what they have now is less "StepFather/Stepson" drama and more your typical "I'm just closer to one parent" kind of "Dad you're annoying me" arguments. Much more respect between the 2 of them..and I have to wonder if it's the therapy or just that they might both have matured over this last year. He's still an amazing brother....does something with Casey every day he can. He reads to her, plays basketball with her little tikes hoop, and now that it's warm he's been taking her to the park. They have matching t-shirts I bought them. They are black and hers says in red letters "Big Brothers Rock"like in KISS or AC/DC lettering and his is black and says in PINK letters "Baby Sisters Rock".

Casey is doing great. Enjoying time with Mom. Although this week will be week #3 of Friday morning playgroup. I drop her off from 9-12 every Friday. She cries for a few minutes and then does well and loves the other kids. Considering she's going to be 3 in June....she's not doing well with the whole potty training thing. She has no real desire to go near it. She'll sit on it....but not much more.

She's a total diva yet a tomboy at the same time. She loves "pretty dresses", lipgloss and she's OBSESSED with shoes. Yet at the same time loves to wrestle with her Dad, play basketball and baseball (she has her own tee) with her brother and loves NOTHING more than getting covered in dirt in the yard when we water the flowers I planted.

We took her to see the Doodlebops live in March, she loves Caillou and My Little Pony. She can also watch Shrek 2 and Shark Tale over and over in day. She got a little play kitchen for Christmas that she adores and loves to sing and dance. Overall she's my absolute bundle of joy.

As for the rest of my family, they are all still nuts.

My brother and his family barely come around for holidays let alone anything else.

My Mom is still the atypical co-dependent. If her man likes hot sauce on his eggs, so does she. Most of her attire says Harley Davidson now and she's never around. Or wait..only to come over and basically tell me I wasn't keeping HER house clean enough and I need to get more organized. We didn't speak for about 2 weeks after that argument and then when we did, Jeff got involved and it got ugly and I've made her realize that she wasn't perfect when she had little kids in the house either.

My sister Kelly is cancer free as well after having her thyroid removed last year and doing better. She and her boyfriend (after 8 years) have finally OFFICIALLY agreed to live together. They will be moving into the townhouse he bought 2 years ago and has been making livable since....sometime this fall. They will be about a 1/2 hour from us after the move.

My sister Shannon joined the ROTC unit at her school with the National Guard and she is going for her annual training for 3 weeks in SEATTLE. I was hoping to come to her graduation but taking the full time job I won't be able to make it. From there she's doing a 3 week internship in HAWAII so she'll be gone most of the summer and we're throwing her a going away party May 31st at my house to send her off. She's doing so great and we'll miss her.

My Dad and StepMom miss us. Being over an hour away is hard but they came to all of Kyle's home football games and have been at all his home baseball games so we've been seeing them more. They still struggle financially but my Dad is looking for more full time work. He has 3 years before he can touch his MILLIONS in retirement.....but his 2 part time jobs keep them afloat for now.

Otherwise everyone's health is looking up and doing much better. As for my friendships..I feel like I blew it and I miss those that matter most. I do feel awful for cutting EVERYONE out....I just couldn't and didn't know how to handle it. It took a long time for me to get where I needed to be. Meds weren't working, doses weren't right, depression was awful...and once the fog lifted I felt like I didn't deserve anyone back because I let it slip away. I didn't feel strong enough to ask the tough questions for fear of the tough answers. Yet..here I am....hoping you will forgive me. I feel awful for being absent. I can't wait to spend time catching up with everyone.

They Say The Truth Shall Set You Free

2007-07-06T07:20:00.000-07:00

Last week That Chick called me to tell me she'd been getting emails asking if I was alright.

I'm getting emails asking if I'm ok.

There is something I've been trying to keep from my blog. Something I didn't want to creep over into my "alternative blog world". Something I wanted to keep very private almost as if I didn't talk about it here, it couldn't really be happening to me.

This was supposed to be my happy place.

Back at the beginning of Spring I was diagnosed with Stage 1 Breast Cancer.

I did a round of radiation treatments and some oral chemo.

About a month ago we find out that it's possible we didn't get it all.

So I had to cancel my trip to see That Chick because that was the week I had a port put in for additional chemotherapy treatments.

Since then...I've been pretty useless. I'm tired all the time, I'm sick, I'm losing my hair, I've had to hire someone to come in twice a week to take care of the baby because usually the day after treatment I don't get out of bed.

It's been 3 weeks and I have to go for 2 more. I'll wrap up just in time to attempt to move. Oh joy! Then more tests, more blood work, more poking and prodding and seeing if things have spread. Then we see what happens.

Lately, when I get online I hardly even check email. I get on to balance the checkbook, maybe research something I'm looking for that I might need for the new house..and that's it. I'm not very mobile these days. They gave me meds to help with the nausea...but just like with my pregnancy...they don't work all that well.

Some days Casey and I watch a lot of movies...some days like last week when Chick called me...I was up and running a quick errand..in an attempt to still feel human. Some days Kyle and I will take Casey to the park and he'll chase her all over while I find a bench in the shade and watch. Those are the days that hit me the hardest...I can't chase my little girl around. I can't run and laugh and play with her.

Other days..I do a lot of crying and feeling sorry for myself..but I do my best to snap out of it.

Right now...Jeff and I are tossing around the idea of a possible double mastectomy. I think if I beat it this time around..getting rid of all the tissue just makes sense to me...but it becomes quite a complicated matter when the things that make you feel so feminine are the things that could kill you.

Anyway, I just thought it was time to let my painful secret that seems to weigh 10 tons out of the box.

Only problem is...I don't feel any lighter.

17 1/2 doctor appointments and one possible sleep study

2007-06-14T02:25:00.000-07:00

Sorry..the Land of Dysfunctional and Organized Chaos has been existing on less than 3 hours sleeps a night for approximately the last 2 weeks. Less than 6 hours for over a month.

Finally Monday we went in for her 2 year checkup.

My preemie is in the 50th percentile for both height and weight. She's caught up with all her developmental milestones and the doctors couldn't be more thrilled with her. "Just one tiny problem DOC----she hasn't slept through the night in almost a month since her nose started running clear snot. She's cried and screamed herself hoarse 6 times in the last 3 weeks."

Another 10 minute discussion brings us to the thought that because of her horrendous allergies she's not getting into a deep enough sleep to keep her from waking every 2-3 hours. The screaming sounds like it could be night terrors except you only get those in Stage 4 sleep and CLEARLY she's not getting there.

Off to the allergist we go---pollen, cottonwood, mold those get her HORRIBLE. Slight allergy to grass but the allergist says "don't let her roll around in freshly cut and she should be fine."

Back to her pedi that says..."If you can tough it out another 7 days or so I'd like to put her on Zyrtec. Give it to her about a 1/2 hour before bedtime...if it works...great. If in another week she's not sleeping almost through the night, I want her in for a sleep study."

Kyle's high school physical.
Kyle's annual eye exam.

3 different appointments for me. Check the oil and kick the tires...gotcha. What ever do you mean I need a tune UP? How dare you?

Last night was day 3 of the Zyrtec and to me it's working so HOPEFULLY we don't need the sleep study. She's sleeping in (2) 4-5 hour blocks with a "water" break in between.

What does all of this mean?

Well it means that I had to cancel my trip to see My Best Friend in the world and I'm just devastated about it. More than I think she'll ever realize...

It means I've spent $100 in copays in the last 3 weeks and another $60 on medicines WITH my insurance. (Thank God for insurance)

Hopefully back to the world of blogging and catching up and tomorrow maybe I'll have something more comical to write about.

Overwhelmed by Love

2007-06-05T07:25:00.000-07:00

Sorry to be so in and out lately...lots going on at home.

Still not feeling very well. Casey has been sick with a runny nose/allergy something or other for almost 2 weeks and she hasn't slept through the night since it started.

Throw in a trip to your in laws (16+ hours in the car), a graduation, a graduation dance, a baseball tournament and your daughter's birthday..and well you get one tired Mama.

I will spend the day catching up on my blog roll, sending and responding to emails and trying to get a nap.

In the meantime, graduation was wonderful and of course emotional.

Preparing for his dance was exhausting but fun.

His dance was so much fun. I got to watch him have the most fun I've seen him have and I got to give him a class award. It was too much fun.

In the middle of that he played baseball games 7pm Friday night, 10am Sat morning, 3pm Saturday afternoon, had to shower and be ready for the dance Sat by 6pm, dance at 7pm and another baseball game Sunday, which was also Casey's 2nd birthday.

We had cupcakes at the game and all the boys sang to her. She had a great time. My Dad had Kyle's rocking horse that he gave him for his 1st birthday fixed up and gave it to Casey at the baseball game. I still have to dump those pictures but she loves it.

Funny to think in just a few short months Kyle will probably be turning 15 and going to his first homecoming dance. My goodness the time flies by.

Graduation Night

Leaving for the dance

My handsome boy

The Family

Giving flowers to his date, Madeline

The Cute Couple

The "Group"

Then we have the birthday girl---poor kid spends all her birthdays at her brother's baseball games.

Pomp and Circumstances

2007-05-30T05:54:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the interruption of the regularly scheduled program.

I had every intention of blogging on Friday before I went out of town..and things just got away from me.

Friday night at 8pm CST we left to go up North to the UP to see Jeff's family. We arrived at 3am CST and 4am local time.

Circumstances beyond my control left me with the following:

Jeff's nephew is HIGH FREAKING MAINTENANCE and because of this...
Jeff's sister is HIGH STRUNG the entire time and reminds me "Just how lucky" I am to have a child that isn't high maintenance....all while huffing and puffing around me and Casey.
Jeff and his Dad had a running argument all weekend...ready? Per Jeff's Dad...anyone that buys bottled water is a dumbass and you don't need power windows in your car.
We drove 8 hours to be exhausted and see the actual graduate for 20 minutes.
At some point my digital camera died.
Our normal 8 hour drive home...ended up taking almost 9 because Casey started full out crying about 2 hours from home and we had to get out of the vehicle when she'd been crying for nearly 45 minutes STRAIGHT. She then cried another 25 standing in a parking lot of McDonald's. We finally managed to bride her with ice cream and she ran around for 20 minutes and then we managed to get her back in the car and finish the last 2 hours of the trip. What is the first thing out of Jeff's Mom's mouth when we call to tell her we are almost home???? "Well if you made the trip MORE OFTEN she'd be more used to the drive." ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Twice a year is twice too many.

So because of this.....I had a super duper clingy child all day Tuesday but we did manage to get to Best Buy to get a new Sony Cybershot for only $65 out of my pocket (thank you for saving gift cards from Christmas and birthdays).

WHY do I need a new camera?

Because TONIGHT is son's 8th grade graduation. My baby is graduating tonight.

So basically my day consists of ironing 10 items for the family, charging the battery and running somewhere to get him black dress socks and tissue for the ceremony.

Lord knows I'm gonna need it.

Guess Who Is TWO!!!

2007-05-24T06:02:00.000-07:00

Well n0t yet. June 3rd to be exact.

But guess who had their pictures taken yesterday?

Presenting Casey June's latest photo shoot.

Need I say ANY MORE about this child?

To think 2 years ago today I was already on bed rest totally unaware that this little miracle was about to come 10 weeks early.

In the words of Casey "UN-WEEL!"

May, May Go Away

2007-05-23T05:21:00.000-07:00

Remember how I started the year with "2007 Goals".

I've never really updated how I was working on them so now seems like a good time with May just about gone. I'll score myself on a scale of 1 to 10. 10 being the best, 1 being the worst.

Spend more time with my family actually BEING with them-rather than observing something we are involved in. This is working out ok. It helps being home so I have more time for this. Even before I was laid off I was doing ok with this so I'm pretty pleased with myself. I'll give myself a 7.

Try and be more patient with my husband. - I've tried to explain to him that if he just woke up a Rockefeller tomorrow..I could be a stay at home Mom and the pressure of being gone 11-12 hours a day would help me be much more attentive to him and our home. Again, being home for the last month has helped considering but again, prior to that I was doing well. Carving out time for ourselves was going along fine. I had set up a weekly "chore" chart for us where he picked up the dry cleaning one week and I did the next. If I had to do grocery shopping by myself, he did all the laundry that weekend. He was cooperating nicely knowing that I couldn't do 150% while all he did was go to work. So I'd say I'll give myself a 7 on this one too.

Lose the weight- I'm not even going to try and trick myself by putting out a number that is ridiculous. If I could be down a dress size by June when Kyle graduates that would be great. Where I end up at year end...as long as it's ATLEAST 20 lbs less than NOW, for me will be a great goal attained. Well being a size smaller by June didn't work out so well. I'm chalking that up to my family and all the stress of the illness, not to mention my own issues with medications wearing me out and not getting enough exercise. I have been good about walking almost daily with Casey since I've been home so that is helping. If nothing else, I've been MUCH MUCH BETTER about what I'm eating so that should help when things get back to normal with the meds and exercise. I'm giving myself an 8 on this one.

Drink more water- One would think this would be easy but I act as though there is a shortage on the stuff sometimes. Hands down this has been the easiest. It's all I drink at home all day long. I have one Diet Rite with dinner and one cup of coffee in the morning. This one gets a 9.

Get the finances in shape- This will require me being a bit of stickler with my DH and my dear son. It will require more planning on my part for meal preparation and anticipating nights we will be on the run and having something prepared rather than driving thru or getting Subway. It's a big job but I think I'm prepared and ready to get started. This one I'm VERY VERY pleased with. I do my meal plans for the entire span from paycheck to paycheck, then I make a grocery list and shop. I plan meals I can cook when I know I can be home, I put meals in the crockpot when I know I'm not going to be home or when I know we won't be home til later to eat. We've really only eaten on the run one or two times. Finances are a little out of whack because of graduation and my collecting unemployment but we're still on target for our move in July so that's a good sign. Another one I'll give myself an 8 for.

Continue to keep a good mindset regarding my inlaws and their indifference to my husband and our children-This was a a 2006 goal and I may have fallen off the wagon a few times but I've always managed to catch the wagon and hop right back on. I've noticed less tension with my husband on this level and so now when I'm REALLY angry I fight the good fights..otherwise I've really been trying to pick my battles and when it's not important...not traumatize Jeff with my own insecurities about them. I've done ok. Since we're heading up there this weekend and leaving Kyle behind during a really competitive tournament I'm a bit pissed...but it is the way it is. What I'm most angry about is that in 2 years none of them have been here to visit us. None of them have come down to see Kyle play ball. None of them have even mentioned it. I decided I'm tired of waiting so I invited them all to Kyle's graduation party Father's Day weekend. Will they show up? Probably NOT....but I've promised myself I'm not going to take it out on Jeff. I'll give myself an 8 on this. Certain things push my buttons and other things I used to let bother me...don't bother me as much anymore.

Carve out more time for myself- THIS is a very hard one. I adore my family and all that it entails..but sometimes I see my books collecting dust or my journal and I just want to cry. I want to steal 30 minutes for myself and hole up somewhere. This one....gets a big fat 10 and mostly due to my non-working status. I could have taken this extra time and filled it with something else besides spending some of it with myself. In a month I've completed a few projects I wanted to get done for myself and read 2 books so that's a big difference.

Inquiring Minds Want To Know

2007-05-22T07:28:00.000-07:00

Ok..sorry I was MIA yesterday. Dealing with stuff for graduation/graduation dance at school/graduation party and doctor stuff for my entire family.

So onto dishing the dirt.

How did I meet my ex? I met my ex-husband in a bar...that should have been my first red flag. He was talking to a friend of mine and when I asked him his name he said he didn't have one. So I said "Well then I'll just call you dickhead." He told me later that he liked that I was spunky and sassy that way. We ended up talking the rest of the night alone in a booth in the corner of the bar and when the bar closed down at 4am we went out to breakfast. Even though he is complete and total tool, I still remember the excitement I had the night we met. That anxious nervousness of meeting someone new that you really liked and just silently hoped and prayed that when you gave him your number...he actually used it.

Names- Middle names

Jeffrey James (Jeff's Middle name is his Dad's first name)
Angela Marie (Marie is after my paternal Grandmother, Marion)
Kyle Eric (Eric is a very dear friend of mine that offered to marry me when I got pregnant at 19 with Kyle-I turned him down of course but I thought I would honor him anyway)
Casey June (June is Jeff's Maternal Grandmother)
**Score EMMA for knowing it's June

What do I know or understand now that I didn't with my first child? That's easy. That it'll all turn out ok. No matter how much I worry. No matter what doesn't get done around the house, no matter how broke I am....it WILL all be ok. I know NOW that I'm a good Mom despite what guilty feelings I get about whatever I'm feeling. I need to give myself a break and not be so hard on myself.

My favorite indulgence- a pedicure.

What makes for a wonderful day? Getting a nap. Crossing at least 2 things off my "to do" list and making an nice dinner.

What is my secret to getting through my insane life without going crazy? I never said I wasn't a "little" nuts..cuz I am. But how I got through it when I was working. CROCKPOT, meal plans and a color coded excel spreadsheet with all of 70 of his baseball games on there so I knew if they were inhouse or travel games and were they home or away games. It was the best way to be sure I had the right uniform clean at the right time. NOW that I'm not working...I make dinner at 10 or 11am when Casey naps and basically do a load of laundry everyday. Usually it's his uniform from the night before and towels or other dark clothes. This way I know...both his different uniforms are always clean. OH..and I've left a clean juice cup, pack of diapers, wipes and snacks in the minivan at all times. This way all I have to pack in the diaper bag is an extra change of clothes, her blanket and her pacifier. If I forget anything else...it's in the van when I pull away.

What does an average week of dinner's--- Cost or what are they?

I'll show last week since we're out of town this weekend and my menu plan is short.

Monday- Tuna/pasta dish with mixed veggies and fat free ranch dressing about $12
Tues- Busy day chicken - chicken, cream of mushroom soup, rice and veggie medley mix in the crockpot about $11
Wed- It's like a shepherd's pie. It's basically meatloaf with mashed potatoes and peas on top. Again---around $12
Thurs-is always sandwich night. Last week was ham & cheese with Sunchips about $14 (but the bread and sunchips also go to lunches for Kyle and Jeff too)
Fri- was ham, corn, potato,cheese crockpot casserole about $8.50
Sat- We had a coupon for a XL pizza in town for $15 with 2 toppings vs $21 normally.
Sun- Mustard potatoes pork casserole with veggies on the side about $14

So if I underestimated a little because of ingredients needed..an average week of DINNERS is about $100. I spend about $200-250 twice a month plus another $100 on other produce/milk/bread runs in between. Plus another $100-175 at Walmart & Sams on toiletries, detergents, diapers, wipes, etc.

Favorite Food of each family member:

Casey - right now it's Pepperidge Farm Goldfish crackers---or cheese
Kyle- ANY kind of fruit or Mexican Food
Jeff- Bananas or Mexican Food
Me- Chips and Salsa and bread...I can't live without bread

My favorite breakfast food: I'm a muffin person. I'll bake my weight watcher muffin recipes and freeze them. Usually I have a 2 or 3pt muffin and a piece of fruit everyday. Favorite food indulgence when we go out. EGGS BENEDICT. OH my word...

Onto questions about Jeff:

Boxers/briefs/commando:

Uh...Jeff wears the Hanes Boxer Briefs....he likes them better than regular boxers cuz they keep the boys close without getting the CLOSENESS of briefs.

Color Eyes?
He has the prettiest bright blue eyes I've ever seen.

My favorite feature or personality trait about him:

I just adore that he can make me laugh at just about anything. I love that he can talk to ANYONE. He really can. He's met people that are just your average Joe kind of people all the way to people that make UPPER six figure salaries..and it just doesn't phase him. He's definitely a people person.

His favorite sport?

I'm pretty sure it's football. He loves pretty much most sports, baseball, basketball, football. But I think football is his favorite.

There ya go...

A Spin on the MeMe

2007-05-18T05:27:00.001-07:00

I see a meme floating around about 8 things about you that maybe you haven't already divulged. Since my weekend feels like I'm hardly going to be home...because

Today Kyle has a 1/2 day and I agreed to take he and some friends to a skate park almost an hour away, which means I won't get home til about 5:30. Just in time to drive him to batting practice and figure out what to make for dinner.
Tomorrow morning I volunteered to work at a blood drive for a local kid we know with ALL.
From there Kyle has a 10:30 game in town. That should be over around 12:30.
I have to feed him quickly because we have to leave again at 1:45 for his games an hour away.
Yes I said GAMES because he plays travel ball at 3:30 and 5:30 (yes he'll play 3 baseball games in one day)
Come home and collapse around 8 again...when are we supposed to eat?
Sunday I have the Cancer Walk in the morning. Straight from there I have to drive an hour or so BACK OUT OF DOWNTOWN CHICAGO (oh the traffic) to yet another baseball game at 3pm, which means I should get home around 6pm on Sunday..to yet again...make dinner.

So as you can see.....I'm too tired already to think of interesting things about myself.

How about you guys ask me some questions?

Anyone have any questions about my dear husband, Jeff?
What about Kyle?
My ex-husband?
My parents?

Rather than think of 8 really random things ...this seems much more fun... Come one let's have it...and nothing is too "off the wall" or personal, believe me.

So fire away.....

Stage Fright

2007-05-17T07:12:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here killing time before I have to get in the shower.

See today...I'm going to a real live "Day Spa" where I get to go and tell another new girl ..how my under chin is full of scary, wire like hairs and how they need to come out. I'm not paying $40 for my face to be done only to have to go home again and get out my OWN tweezers.

If you can't do a decent job...then I'll find someone else.

This is the second place I'm trying since getting laid off. I tried another lady twice. She didn't cut it.

Jeff and I happened to be walking through a little courtyard after a nice dinner out last week when I realized there was a cute upscale day spa near our house. So I made an appointment.

I'm so intimidated by these places..where all the girls have perfect makeup, perfect clothes, perfect hair. I have no fingernails I bite them..terribly bad. My clothes..well...they leave a little to be desired and my hair..personally done bottle job.

If all that isn't bad enough..my feet...basically are FLINTSTONE FEET. They need help. Now they only had a pedicure about 3 weeks ago so they aren't GOD awful..but they need some work too.

I just hate sitting there feeling so self-conscious.

I have an 11am pedicure and a noon facial waxing appointment.

Hopefully I like what they do and don't feel to chicken to go back.

When did I suddenly turn back into a overly insecure 8th grader?

Faith

2007-05-16T05:15:00.001-07:00

I don't talk very often about religion..here or otherwise.

I was born and baptized Catholic. I made my first Communion and my Reconciliation. I was never Confirmed and at the time it had more to do with convenience for my Mother of the CCD classes than my wishes to quit or stop pursuing my sacraments.

After my non-confirmation I went to church on average once a month from 14 through 19. At 19 my Priest refused to baptize Kyle. See in 1992 I had broken just about every belief the church had. I'd had premarital sex and while I was doing it...I WAS using birth control. Of course I decided NOT to terminate the pregnancy but that wasn't good enough.

That was when I became a non-practicing Catholic.

In 2001 Kyle started attending a children's bible study at a Baptist church with a friend. I decided to give it a shot. I went at least 3 times a month, stayed for luncheons, took the beginner's bible study class and got involved.

When I asked a friend of ours that was also one of the Youth Pastors at the church to marry Jeff and I outside the church in early 2003 he said yes. A few months later he wasn't sure if he was comfortable marrying Jeff and I. I asked if it was because I was asking to be married OUTSIDE the church. He said that wasn't it. He felt as if Jeff and I weren't EQUALLY YOKED.

It isn't as if Jeff has ever said "I don't believe in God." Jeff felt relatively the same as I did. He was raised Catholic but didn't share some of the churches monumental beliefs so he didn't like feeling like a hypocrite. He wasn't sure where he belonged in organized religion but he mostly certainly believes in God.

Our friend declined and we ended up getting a non-denominational minister to marry us.

4 years later Jeff and I still don't attend a church. It isn't as if we've tried very hard; we've been to a few different churches but it never seems to work out. Somehow we just don't feel comfortable there.

Do I believe in God? Bet your ass I do.
Does he know I swear? Sure he does.
Does he know I had a child out of wedlock? Check.
Does he know I lived with Jeff before marriage? Check.

God knows everything I've done wrong and yet he continues to bless me every day.

He continues to shine the sun on me day after day lighting me up with the warmth of my kids' smiles.

He continues to color my world with the beautiful blue eyes of my husband that look on me with the greatest unconditional love I've ever known.

He continues to bring sound to the music of my heart when I think of the person I've become through all the trials and tribulations in my life. Maybe I've not always done the "right" things but I've always tried to make the BEST decisions I could with where my life was AT that particular moment.

I don't regret many decisions I've made. I'm not ashamed of who I am and I think God can understand that because God isn't perfect either.

Sometimes I wonder if there is a heaven or hell. Will I get Left Behind? Will I sit in limbo in my afterlife? Will my kids? I don't know.

I only know that I believe in him. I talk to him. I try and do things to show him my appreciation for the blessings he's given me. I pray to him almost daily. Sometimes in the shower, sometimes in my car. Sometimes I go to the most peaceful place I can think of and walk through the woods and praise him for all the beauty that surrounds me. Some days I even curse him when I think he's made a bad decision...but ya know what...who I am to judge whether he did the right or wrong thing?

I know that I believe in him and he believes in me.....and that's faith enough for me.

When the phone rings

2007-05-15T07:46:00.000-07:00

When the phone rings at 8:50 am you know it isn't going to be good...
When the phone rings and it's not your son's school with a problem you know it isn't going to be good...
When the phone rings and it's not a telemarketer you know it isn't going to be good...
When the phone rings and it's not your Mom calling to chat away her ride to work you know it isn't going to be good...

However, when the phone rings at 8:50 am the last thing you expect to hear is your Father telling you that your uncle, his brother is dead.

My Uncle Mark, age 51 or 52 died of a diabetic complication sometime in the last 2 days at his home. His current girlfriend alerted police after he didn't answer his phone for just over a day. My Dad was told by the police that he was gone after they'd arrived and found his body.

My Dad is currently at his brother's home waiting for the crematorium to pick up his body and going through his things.

My Uncle has had severe diabetes for as long as I can remember. From what the girlfriend says he wasn't taking care of himself because he was sick on average, twice a week. He hated being restricted on what and when he could eat. He hated giving up alcohol and only stopped drinking about a year ago.

Rest in peace Uncle Mark. Hopefully you're in a place where you can eat, drink and be happy.

Time to make a difference

2007-05-14T05:59:00.000-07:00

I'm up and moving this morning thinking of all the things I need/want to try and get done this week.

That's when it hit me.

I'm doing the Chicago Cancer Walk THIS Sunday with my family (with the exception of Kyle since he has baseball).

I'm pretty excited about this. More than I thought I'd be.

Then I realize I have 2 huge bags of clothes to donate to the Women's Shelter and I also left a bag of canned goods for the Postal Food drive this past Saturday.

Just when I think I don't do ANYTHING to make a difference; I realize I do try. They may only be little things but if everyone did a few small things; together they would add up.

I am my own worst critic. Always have been.

For those of you that have already donated to my cause...THANK YOU SO MUCH.

If anyone is interested in sponsoring Casey and I on our walk for Sunday, you can click the links below.

Click here to visit my personal page.If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:http://www.walkroll.org/site/TR?px=1239701&pg=personal&fr_id=1050&s_tafId=7000

Click here to view the team page for Team ButlerIf the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:http://www.walkroll.org/site/TR?team_id=9910&pg=team&fr_id=1050&s_tafId=7000

On the Same Note

2007-05-11T05:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday after a visit with my best friend, Pam (that is in visiting from California) had left with her tiny 11lb, 2 month old son, Tucker; I started thinking about all the things swirling and clogging up the plumbing in my brain.

Mostly, it came down to this.

Life is gaining momentum as I get older.

Remember when we were kids....and even though in our little 8, 9 or 10 year old minds summer "FLEW BY" it didn't. You'd wake every day to play in the hot sun..and the next day seemed a million years away.

Well my kids are growing up...and although Casey is getting more independent and her first 2 years have indeed "FLOWN BY" for Jeff and I; it's Kyle I notice more.

He'll be gone in just a few short years, off to some college lucky enough to have him, making new friends and starting his "adult" life. The time when he'll start longing for these crazy summers of playing ball, squeezing in the beach and sleepovers with little responsibilities. I think he'll look back and realize that the sacrifices he made like giving up camping trips or vacations because of baseball were the right thing to do. He loves baseball, his teams mean everything to him and he's dedicated that way. Sometimes I wonder if he'll regret not having a summer with less commitments. The kind of summer that most adults look back fondly on.

It isn't that I want to go BACK and relive my life.

I want to start LIVING that kind of life now. Even for the short 30 minutes squeezed in between switching the laundry and starting dinner.

So yesterday, I gave it up.

I decided Thursday nights are now "Sandwich Night" at our house. I wasn't going to make any dinner. I didn't take anything from the freezer, I didn't put anything in the crock pot. Instead I put Casey down for a nap, took a shower, packed Kyle's uniform for his game and surprised him by picking him up from school.

From there I took him out for an after school snack. We ended up at an A &W restaurant. He had cheese fries and a float. We started talking...Casey was singing, we were all laughing. The kind of after school excursion I wished MY Mom could/would have ever surprised me with and maybe she did...but if she did...it wasn't frequent enough for me to have any memory of it.

Kyle and I talked about how he's been having trouble batting lately and he feels as though his old bat was too light...Did I stop to think..."Where in the heck do I have money for a new bat?" NOPE

Instead we headed across the street to MC Sports. 40 minutes later he had a new bat. Then we headed to the game. His team lost 8-6 but ya know what...Kyle had 2 huge hits and scored 3 runs. He came off that field beaming from ear to ear..even with the loss.

He said..."I'm glad we bought the bat. Can I have HOOTERS for dinner?"

A short discussion about how money doesn't grow on trees, etc. ensued but we compromised on hot wings from the local "hotdog/burger/gyro" joint that were much cheaper.

Again, I threw my normal over planning, control freak habit out the window.

Jeff and I had sandwiches and Kyle had hot wings.

Does any of this make sense? (Now that I've written a novel?)

What I'm trying to say is....I don't make the hour drive to have lunch with my sister. I don't call up and ask my Dad if I can stop by, I don't take time to just leave the house and window shop at the mall on any given Saturday.

How many of us do these things?

"We'll start hosting game night when we paint the living room/re carpet the hallway/upgrade the bathroom."
"We'll take that family vacation after we pay off that one credit card."
"We'll visit the grandparents when the kids stop teething and sleep through the night."
"We'll start date night after the busy season at work is over."

Etc..etc...etc...

Host game night...enjoy your friends. Buy a cheap area rug and trust me as long as you have a WORKING bathroom, your REAL friends aren't going to care what it looks like.

You don't have to go to away for 14 days. Find a couple hundred bucks, do a little research and take a short weekend camping trip. Find a neat little hotel near a water park. Whatever it is...find ways to make it fun for your kids.

Grandparents are so important to a child's identity. They are Grandparents because obviously they've had kids at some point. they are going to understand if you have a cranky fussy toddler. I promise. Enjoy them while they are still around.

Date NIGHT sounds like something you'd "initiate" and start doing on a regular basis..and ya know what sometimes financial and work obligations don't allow for that. Find a night...put the kids to bed, get takeout and sit in a room as far from the children as possible, light some candles, no tv, no answering the phone, no shop talk...just BE together.

Sometimes we seem to start just going through the motions..and not living life. I think on some level we just think of all of our responsibilities and we get overwhelmed at them and we forget what an enjoyable ride this can be.

For me, yesterday I realized that I don't want any regrets and the only way to be sure I don't have any is to start living...even the little moments.

The rest will just have to wait

2007-05-10T05:13:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that my life has been "eventful" over the last couple of months with Jeff working more hours, losing my job, preparing for the move and the medical situation.

Just when it felt like I might be able to come up for air I got a call from my Mom.

She ALSO has nodules on her thyroid. Now of course it wasn't enough that Kelly just had to go through the needle aspirations, CAT scans, body scans, surgery, feeling like crap after having to go off her synthroid....but now..it looks as though my Mom could be headed down the same path. Ironic? Not really..she's had thyroid problems almost 18 years and she's already been a cancer survivor almost 7 years...so the doctors are concerned.

As I stared around my filthy house that's been neglected for the last week while I was sick...I began to get that "adrenaline/angry I'm gonna clean til I'm exhausted" urge...15 minutes in Casey came over and said "Snuggle Mommy". I sat down and she crawled up on my lap.....

We then spent the next hour reading three books, singing every nurse rhyme she knows by heart, counting her fingers and toes, counting my fingers and toes and watching an episode of Caillou..all while she never left my lap.

As I held my little girl I started to think "I have to get that load of laundry in, I have to call the caterer for the party, I have to order that gift card.." and then it hit me..."Whatever ... it will just have to wait."

Am I NOT a Mother?

2007-05-09T06:32:00.000-07:00

Honestly really truly...please tell me if I'm nuts...

I get "What are we doing for Mother's Day for Mom, for Mary, for MY Mom?" from my sisters and my husband....

Has it slipped every one's mind that I MYSELF am a Mother?

If 28 hours of natural labor with only a 1/4 dose of Demerol to squeeze out a 7 lb 14 oz 21 1/2 inch long baby Kyle didn't qualify me...then SURELY having an emergency c-section and losing my eyesight with Casey has to at least get me on the list...right?

Then WHY is it..that I'm to run all over town finding just the right gifts for my Mom, my step-Mom and Jeff's Mom...then on Mother's Day to see my Mom and my Step Mom. Do I not get a day to myself? Do I not get a day to enjoy my children?

I'm not complaining to the hilt about it...I mean...I want to honor all the Mother's in my life (especially while they are here cuz LORD knows I'd give anything to cater to my Grandmother again--how I miss her) ..but I would just like the same courtesy. EVERY YEAR we're expected to run around on Mother's day doing the visits....not "How about this year we do brunch ON Mother's day and next year we'll get together the weekend before or after Mother's day?"

Just ONE Mother's day I'd like to be woken up with burnt breakfast in bed by my kids, get to relax over coffee and have the day to myself to read or take a nap...rather than having to be the first one up to pack the car and rally the troops out of bed to get ready and head out at 10am only to return home at 7pm....just ONCE.

This year...my sister-in-law put the ball in motion by saying she had to work a 1/2 day on Mother's Day and when she gets off she wants to go home to her kids..and I jumped right on it and finally gave my opinion about it to my Mom and my sister. "I agree. I would LOVE to do nothing on ACTUAL Mother's Day, just once."

So instead of our normal running all day...Saturday afternoon we're having lunch at my Mom's house and then all going to Kyle's baseball game that night at 5pm. So on Mother's day...I told Jeff..."I want to go out for breakfast..and at some point..I want you and Kyle to take Casey for a walk and I want to nap. That's what I want for Mother's day."

Score one for the low man on the totem pole.

Greetings from the "Other Side"

2007-05-04T05:16:00.000-07:00

Yes...live and back in action...(sort of)

Apparently a very nasty ear infection that started just over a week ago has kept me feeling pretty out of it. My right ear is still completely plugged up and it makes me dizzy and when I'm not dizzy my meds make me drowsy. I've been pretty flat on my back doing just enough to survive and keep the house from falling down around me for the last week or so. I will read up on every one's blogs later today, promise.

In the meantime....

I was screwed around for 3 days but I did FINALLY receive my severance so things are no longer "tight" and my checkbook is not in REAL danger of bouncing across the street.
I made my first "call in" to unemployment and am currently awaiting my first check. Hopefully things will go smoother with that than my severance because if I have to actually GO INTO the unemployment office...I'm gonna end up on the 10 o'clock news.
Jeff started at his new store with his promotion on Monday (so we're looking forward to his first check with the big pay raise on it.) Not that it's enough to keep me home permanently but every little bit does help.
Jeff and my Dad agreed to coach one of Kyle's baseball teams..so guess who is Team BIOTCH (cuz Team Mom doesn't seem like the right title with all the work I have to do)
I took Kyle shopping for his ceremony and graduation dance clothes. He finally decided on nice black slip-on shoes, black pants, a white dress shirt, a purple and black thin striped tie and a black vest. He looks so grown up I can barely stand it. Prices weren't as bad as I thought but did I put that money back into the "budget"? LORDY NO... instead bought him another pair of gym shoes (which he needed anyway).
On his way up the stairs from church last night he fell up and slammed his ankle against the wall...if that damn landlord doesn't fix the light in the hallway, I swear....so I'm currently waiting for him to get out of bed and see if I have to take him for an x-ray. He hurt it pretty bad. I'm fairly certain he didn't break anything but it could be fractured...so I may get to spend my day at the hospital.
I'm starting to feel better now that I've started the antibiotics but I'm really ready to be able to hear from my right ear...because hearing yourself hiccup, swallow, burp and breathe..just ain't normal.

The Parrot has arrived

2007-04-27T05:53:00.000-07:00

It's to the point now where I REALLY REALLY have to watch what I say....because Casey follows behind me in the house repeating just about everything I say.

The most fun has been that she's advancing to 3 syllable words...like her last name. It's kinda funny to hear her say her first, middle and then last name.

Here's a list of some new words she's learned in the last 2 weeks:

fip fops (flip-flops)
reedlickis (ridiculous)
hi-strecl (hysterical)
unbeeweebble (unbelievable)

The funniest thing is that I've really tried to stop saying shit or the F bomb... so I just say

UN-REAL

(a lot)

Because now when she can't reach something or she drops something..you hear in her tiny 2 yr old voice from the other room.

"UN-WEEL"

I am the greatest Mother in the world.

Odd One Out

2007-04-25T07:43:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like the only person that isn't getting the butt of all the jokes..(maybe because I am the joke, who knows?)

I can have a dry sense of humor..but I'm not as bad as Mr. Roper from "Three's Company" or anything. Jeez. Clue a girl in.

I had a conversation yesterday with one of our friends. Now this is a friend of Jeff's, he's the same age as we are and he has 2 boys that are 7 and 4.

The conversation usually goes something along the lines of :

How are you?
How are the kids?
What's new?
How's work?

All the typical pleasantries before I usually pass the phone off to Jeff and leave the room because honestly; I don't need to hear them compare the sizes of the private parts in terms of who is winning this week in FANTASY BASEBALL..no-really; not so much.

However, on this particular day Jeff wasn't home so our friend and I continued on past our normal pleasantries.

He began telling me he bought a season pass to the Milwaukee Zoo that he's going to share with his ex-wife, asking me about my time home, about the move, about Kyle and baseball and talking about a mutual friend that will be moving to Detroit at the end of the month.

Then the conversation turned a little defensive. (Now let me preface this with saying that this guy and I have butted heads several times over the years and I've learned to really just ignore half of what he says for the sake of his friendship with Jeff)

He goes on to say "You and Jeff should really find 2 days to come up to Milwaukee. We'll take the boys to the zoo, maybe go to a Brewers Game. Either a Sun/ Mon or Mon/Tues before August and then I'll come down with the boys in August after you move."

Now don't get me wrong...I don't care if our entire family invites themselves to our house..but when I said "Dave I just don't see how that is going to be possible. Jeff is requesting so many days to not work...because of graduation and stuff that I don't see him getting a request for another couple of days between now and July because July is just out of the question with baseball. July is when all the tournaments start."

His next response is what knocked me right over.

"Well you've left Kyle behind before, couldn't you come without Kyle."

"Dave-it's not about coming WITHOUT Kyle..it's about not seeing Kyle's games-TOURNAMENT games. I don't want to miss any of his games."

"Well Angie, your life can't revolve around Kyle's baseball games."

"Dave, you don't understand yet because your aren't playing sports. What will you do if they play sports?"

"I don't know but I can't imagine turning into that psycho that does nothing but cater to their kids."

CATER TO MY KIDS?

I don't cater to my kids. Ok...well maybe I do a little...but ya know what..Jeff and I look forward to baseball season EVERY year. We LOVE to watch him play, we love to hang out with the parents we've been playing with since the kids were 8----we LOVE baseball. I don't go to the games because I HAVE TO or SHOULD (I still don't get the parents that drop their kids off and drive away...what if they get hurt...sure they are 14 but really now) I go to baseball because I WANT TO. I LOVE to watch him play, I LOVE to be outside.

All of "our" friends and I say "our" because none of these are OUR friends..they're all Jeff's friends from college and their wives..but they all have kids 7 or younger and expect us to just jump up on a Thurs and come to their house for the weekend. We can't do it.

So I just feel like no one understands us and I wonder what we must look like to them. I hate that I care what they think..but I tried NOT to ya know...JUMP down Jeff's throat without a parachute when we got home from baseball last night. Funny that I would have this conversation on a day that Kyle actually had a game.

We get home and Jeff says "that was fun tonight." I said "Yes, it was..maybe you could explain that to Dave" and I proceeded to tell him about our conversation.

Jeff tried to play Devil's advocate saying "Dave just wants to spend time with us, he doesn't think before he says some things."

"and ya know what ...that's fine..but to call me a psycho that caters to her children... as if I'm supposed to dump MY son to go up there and spend time with HIS kids?? How does that make sense? We're the only ones with a teenager...he has ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE how fast his boys are gonna grow up, how fast it goes, HOW much you should grab onto this time when the kids are playing ball and how you can be a part of that. I will NOT apologize for enjoying watching Kyle play ball, nor will I apologize enjoying sitting around with the other Moms and Dads talking about graduation, teacher issues, directions to games, umpires from last week or the difficulty in planning a graduation party with our crazy schedules..because ya know what....THEY get it, They understand, they love it as much as we do. Most of them know exactly how long before it's all over and how precious it is. I am NOT going to explain myself to Dave."

Jeff just shook his head and apologized for what...I'm not sure.

I just feel very sad because 3 other sets of friends will get together and do things on weekends and most of the time we can't go...so I feel like MY son, is tying Jeff down and keeping him from hanging with his friends...and when I said that to Jeff....he got up with tears in his eyes and left the room.

I'm not sure if those tears were because I was RIGHT or I was VERY WRONG...but he went to bed..and again..I sat there in the living room by myself...feeling like the Odd One Out.

My Checkbook is gonna bounce across the street

2007-04-24T06:35:00.000-07:00

Well NOT REALLY but it feels that way lately.

In the last couple of weeks with 8th grade graduation around the corner....my son has cost me a small fortune.

We've spent:

$145 for regular baseball
$195 for Travel baseball
$237 at Dick's sporting goods for equipment
$18 at another sporting goods store for his baseball socks
$10 for a field trip
$10 for a Class Shirt
$20 for Cap and Gown
$20 spending money for the Cubs Game Ticket he won
$60 for Six Flags Great America Class Trip Ticket
$30 spending money for food at Six Flag
$179 on graduation clothes and shoes

GRAND TOTAL: $954

All that was spent IN THE LAST 4 WEEKS

Yes.....my checkbook and ATM cards...are not happy.

(oh and Kellie is going to cry) but thank GOODNESS Jeff won those "Recognizing You" awards at work..because I went and spent an additional $356 at TARGET yesterday. The only difference was $325 of that was FREE money from Verizon. When I showed the girl I had two gift cards, one for $300 and the other for $25 she nearly passed out.

But yeah..I went in to Target on a mission to get summer clothes for the kids.

I spent about $170 on Kyle, about $120 on Casey and another $60 on stuff for around the house. Talk about sticker shock..then I remembered that only $26 of that was actually MY money.

I'm broke and exhausted.

Kids are expensive.

Can I make it up to you?

2007-04-23T06:27:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. I get this great new look and then I go off and don't post for a few days. Can I make it up to you with some photos of the childfolk in my house?

Thursday was a day of fun. Jeff had the day off so we took advantage of being home together and ran some errands and were gone in the gorgeous 70 degree weather most of the day. We had to return some clothes, do a supply run and then..we did this...

Casey got her first haircut at a place called "Little Locks" where they cater to kids under 10 with cars for seats and DVDs to watch and toys...and balloons. She looks much more grown up now.

Here she's not really sure what is going to happen.

After it was over she was very excited to drive.

This was Friday morning when Mommy did her hair.

Friday I ran around helping out with my sister that had her treatment on Thurs and wasn't home either.

This weekend...NOTHING but baseball, which is really funny...considering 2 weeks ago we weren't sure how well Kyle was going to do after he took that baseball hit RIGHT IN THE EYE (remember when I mentioned that??) yeah..pretty ugly to see but they won all 3 games they played this weekend so it was a good weekend.

The night he got hit

The next night

This was about 4 days later.

Lastly, as I'm sifting through my recent camera download...I find pictures like this that just make my freaking day.

Happy Monday Everyone!

This was Casey on Easter morning.

Casey and Kyle on Easter

Kyle terrorizing Casey's easter bucket

Then we have Casey in her own hat.

Then I have some of my favorite pictures of the kids ever.

Casey loves when Daddy reads to her

Inspiring

2007-04-18T06:11:00.001-07:00

Angie designed this lovely new site for me.

Waddya think? I really love it.

Now that Angie designed me this lovely site I hope to post about fun things, things that matter, thoughtful posts and just down right pee your pants silly.

Today I'm hoping that the inspiration carries over into my home stuff because I have a to do list as long as my arm and I'd like to get some of them done.

Let's all inspire each other today to get something done we've been dreading or putting off. Even if it's just one phone call.

So today let's give each other a little cheerleader spirit!!

Go Girls WE can ALL do it!

Not for the Weak of Heart

2007-04-17T05:23:00.000-07:00

So last week I mentioned my "sex talk" with my Kyle.

Now I tell ya...having a son at the age of 19 really aged me, even then. All I could think of was "Who is going to teach this kid to pee standing up?" because all signs pointed to the fact that I was going to be raising this kid on my own; and I did. For about 9 years.

Then I met Jeff. Now there are some "ugly" or less than flattering connotations that go along with the term "STEP-Father" but really Jeff has done nothing but enrich Kyle's life. He does however have one little flaw....when conversations like these need to happen it really doesn't give you much hope or stability to begin having them only to have your Dad start making kissing noises or saying such phrases like "smoochie smoochie" to a teenager because really, they don't want to hear that shit. They get enough of that from their peers and sometimes I wonder if I am living with 2 teenagers...that being Jeff and Kyle.

See Jeff was the youngest of 7, with 3 older brothers. The stories that I could tell you about some of the ribbing and teasing he took would just have you laughing for days. He managed to escape fairly normal except it left Jeff with void. A void and a need for a little brother of his own to tease and torture. He then got his wish at the age of 10 when his eldest sister gave him a nephew. Clearly by the time he met Kyle and I he had not quite gotten it out of his system..and honestly they give me a lot of laughs when they act the same age and start flexing and posing like body builders or have their little tit-for-tat "I'll SMOKE you" or "You're going down" during Playstation 2 NFL football games.

But in all reality I know that Kyle isn't 100% comfortable discussing certain topics with Jeff because he's worried or afraid about Jeff's reaction. This is where I come in...and where the sex talk starts to haunt me.

One night last week Jeff was working late and Kyle and I were both up watching TV. His cell phone rang and he ignored it.

So I asked him..."Bub, who is it?"

"It's probably Megan." (Now for those of you that can't keep up with Days of the Lives of 8th Graders...Megan was his most recent girlfriend, proceeded by Alison, Janina, Rachel and Taylor since a year ago this time.)

"Aren't you going to answer it?"

"Not right now. We're.......uh.......not in a good place."

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, it's just that IT'S happening, AGAIN."

"What's happening again?"

"The whole "you're never around because of sports and we aren't hanging out and since you don't call me 18 times a day you either must be mad at me or want to break up." and I DON'T; I just have practice EVERYDAY. If she rode her bike over to the park she would see that I'm not lying. I mean, is this how it's always going to be?"

"Oh honey..well...girls at any age can be insecure and yes, when you go from talking 10 times a day to 2 times a day because you aren't home..well yes, we get a little paranoid. This is why I made the no girlfriends during baseball season rule it just gets too complicated for you. You care about your girlfriends a great deal, I know that but it distracts you from playing ball. I was only gonna let the Megan thing go because you've been dating since February. So are you breaking up?"

"Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. We're on spring break and it's 30 degrees, I'm not walking all the way across town to hang out and we can't walk around it's COLD. I told her we could hang out tomorrow probably because it's too cold and practice will get cancelled and then I had a ride over there but that wasn't good enough..she got all upset and hung up and then called my cell phone like 10 times. I just don't get it."

So my mind started to wonder...and wander...so I figured the only way out was through.

"Kyle, how many girlfriends have you had?"

"Oh gosh Mom, I don't know. I mean if we go out for what 2 seconds, I don't think of that as anything serious. To me, I've had a few girlfriends. Jori, Chelsea, Courtney, Taylor, Alison and Megan I guess."

"and how many of those have you kissed?"

"Kissed? Uh....4."

"Let me guess, Chelsea, Courtney, Taylor and Megan?"

"Yep."

"OK..now you don't have to tell me...but I AM going somewhere with this..how many of those girls have you.....slipped the tongue?"

"M-O-M!"

"Kyle all I'm saying is that you're about to start high school and relationships get complicated enough. When the physical stuff starts that just complicates things further. I'm just trying to establish what you're dealing with."

"2 of them."

"Taylor and Megan?"

"Nope, Courtney and Megan."

"Really??? Didn't see that one. So...next question....have you touched either over or under the shirt any.....boobies?"

"Oh God, I can't believe you just asked me that. Shouldn't you ask if I have and THEN ask if it was over or under..."

"Honestly Kyle..if you've touched boobies I really don't want to know if it was above or under the shirt."

"No Mom. I mean I might have accidentally brushed against a boob during a hug but I've never been to first base with a girl."

"Ok...well you do realize that the sooner and more involved you get physically with girls as you get older..it gets much more complicated? Right? I just want you to wait until you're sure it's a girl that's .....how do I say this...worth it, ya know? I know boys have a totally different outlook on the physical stuff sometimes than girls and at your age you guys don't talk about it and then things just happen and eventually feelings get hurt. I mean, I know you're not one of those boys but your needs are going to get stronger...and I just want you to come and talk to one of us about it before you make any big decisions."

**Kyle looking down, probably just mortified**

"I know Mom. That is what I loved about being with Taylor. Whenever we hung out her Mom was ALWAYS home and I didn't feel pressure TO DO anything like with Megan. Megan wanted to constantly make out and I just knew eventually she'd want to do something besides kissing..ya know? Taylor and I barely held hands when we were at her house. All the times I kissed her were nights we were outside her house and it was usually just a kiss goodbye. I'm SO not ready for anything more than just kissing. I'm just not."

"Well don't tell me what you think I want to hear...we've already discussed that you have...urges and needs."

"Oh, I'm not. You and I both know what I do in my room when the door is locked...I'm not gonna lie about it...but with a girl? Oh hecky no. I mean I know Dad was a lot older than most guys when he did it the first time, but how old were you?"

"Not much older than you. At all. I was 15 1/2. I don't know that I would have waited until I got married because then I wouldn't have you..but if I could do it over..I might have waited a lot longer like your Dad. Dad was 22, almost 23."

"Well I don't know if I want to wait THAT long..but I get what you're saying Mom. You don't want me to make things more difficult when I'm in high school and playing sports by doing things with a girl that I don't REALLY REALLY care about because it'll make her think things are more serious than they are and then she'll be upset when I'm busy with other things and it'll just make the situation tougher. I get it. You want me to wait until it's a girl I REALLY REALLY care about..."

"But... wait.."

"I know and EVEN when it's someone I REALLY REALLY REALLY care about..I have to think about all the things that can happen when you get physical with someone, I get it Mom."

*insert blank stare back at my son here**

"Yes..Kyle..I'm not sure WHERE you get it from...but you sure do get it."

FUN MONDAY

2007-04-16T07:49:00.000-07:00

Ice Cream Mama is hosting fun Monday so after you've read mine, go on over and check her out.

What is your favorite word?

My favorite word? Eclectic do not ask me why because I have NO idea. Makes me feel smart to use it in a sentence.

What is your least favorite word?

Like----awesome----genre (people like to overuse that)

What turns you on (creatively, spiritually or emotionally)?

People that want to make a difference..even if it's just something small. Someone with a good heart and good energy are infectious. Those are the people I want to be around.

What turns you off?

Negativity, arrogance, someone that doesn't even ATTEMPT to see the other side of an argument. They are right NO MATTER what you say.

What is your favorite curse word?

FUCK probably...but I say SHIT a lot.

What sound or noise do you love?

A good old fashioned BELLY laugh. Not a giggle but a good hearty belly laugh during one of those 10 minute tickle sessions with your kids after a good bath. Those are good times.

What sound or noise do you hate?

Metal on concrete (like baseball cleats) or someone ripping Styrofoam.

What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt?

Well I don't really have a profession ..wait...as of last Friday, I don't even have a job. My profession has been "paper pusher" for 16 years. What would I like to attempt? I'd like to try my bit at stand up comedian.

What profession would you not like to attempt?

Working in a mortuary.

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Well I would hear him say "Yeah, consider this your free pass." but what would I like to hear..."Your Grandmother is waiting for you inside and I promise to watch over your children."

So there is my first attempt at Fun Monday! Happy Fun Monday to everyone!

Freaky Friday the 13th

2007-04-13T05:39:00.000-07:00

Nothing like FRIDAY THE 13th being your last day at your job before you head off into the world of the unknown and unemployment; right?

I know I'll never forget my last day at my job that's for sure. "Yeah, it was Friday the 13th."

This brings on a whole new chapter of my life.

The part where I stop commuting to downtown Chicago every day.
The part where I move into my first house in about 3 months. (Time is going SO quickly)
The part where Jeff possibly lands another promotion this fall and therefore I CAN afford to stay home for a little while longer.

If the third one happens GREAT, if not, then I start another chapter at a new job by the end of this year.

For me, this brings on some unexpected feelings of sadness. Almost 2 years ago when I got put on bedrest with Casey I PRAYED so hard for something to come along so that I could just stay home after her birth. That didn't happen so I was back to work in August. Now nearly 2 years later we're down to a pretty good routine and the money is good. I've gotten used to being a working Mom (with occasional twinges of guilt) but we've survived. Leaving now feels like I couldn't cut it..no matter how much I remind myself I didn't QUIT, they are letting me go.

Now I'm about to stay home...what happens when I go back to work? (OH the horror and guilt of leaving my child then).

Jeez, I'm a freaking nutcase. (This should come as no surprise to those of you that know me.)

For today, I'm just hoping to get through the day without crying too much.

Stay tuned---next week I'm participating in my first FUN MONDAY.

I will also be discussing my sex talk with my son who is 14 (actually closer to 15) and the talk we had the other night was about our THIRD sex discussion since he was 11. I have to work my way slowly up to "Do not stick any of your protruding parts into a girl's inner part, got it?"

Because as the Mother of teenager..if you come with TMI straight out of the gate their ears tend to shrivel up and fall from their heads..and they just don't hear anything else you have to say.

Anyway, next week should be some fun posts, now that I'm closing this Feeling Like I was going to lose my job for over a year and it finally happened but not until after our company changed the severance policy to something so craptacular so now I wish I'd really been laid off last year but AMEN it's over!

Happy Friday the 13th Everyone!

Random Ramblings, Questions, Answers

2007-04-12T04:58:00.000-07:00

Ok first I'll answer the questions from Ask Angie.

Rachel Asks

What makes you think you are losing readers? Maybe I'm not "losing" readers..but my comments seem to be way down and they weren't all that "up" to begin with. I don't know it just feels that way recently. I know people get busy and don't catch up all the time...I'm just in a funk I think and having a mini-pity party. Don't mind me.

How different is it for you to raise Casey compared to Kyle?

About 1/2 and 1/2 ya know. For one thing I'm not a first time Mom. So I don't freak out over every fall or question my judgement if she goes to bed without a bath once in a while like I did when Kyle was a toddler. At the same time, every illness seems worse because of her preemie status. Also, the boy vs. girl factor. The two BIGGEST factors....in my opinion? First thing is baby products and all the cool shit out there now they didn't even have 12-14 years ago...just BAFFLES me. I mean when Kyle was born there weren't even baby registries yet..and hence I got FOUR of the exact same mobile for his nursery and had to return them. The second biggest factor...having a husband. I'm not doing it alone. I did it all alone with Kyle. First smile, first tooth, first words, first step..no one was there to share in that joy with me...now I have Jeff. To me, they are each special because with Kyle..it was just the two of us..and I didn't have to share anything with anyone..but I also had no one to share the work. With Casey..I have those "family" memories I never thought I'd have. 2 very different experiences but each incredible in their own right.

Amy W asks
Favorite Disney Princess and why...
Hmmmm..that's a good one. Sleeping Beauty maybe...I mean what better gig than being a princess that is beautiful and SLEEPING (I'd give up my entire kingdom for 6 straight hours of uninterrupted sleep)...only to be woken up with a kiss from a handsome prince. You can't write that kind of stuff..ya know? THAT is a real FAIRY TALE.

Kimberly asks
How wonderful do you think I am?
I think you are FANTABULOUS. I still haven't read through some of your archives..but starting Monday, I'll have plenty of time on my hands to do that. Then I'll think you're extra fabu...just watch.

How do you feel about pickles?
Pickles are a food group in my house. Mostly because hubby, Kyle and I feel the same way about them. Can't LIVE without them. We'll go through those large industrial sized jars in about 10 days because we'd eat them everyday if we had them.

What's your favourite form of chocolate? I like white chocolate but in small doses. I like dark chocolate too..but my favorite form...is chocolate with peanut butter. Although I have been refraining (even with all the Easter candy) because I'm doing Weight Watchers.

So there it is...now my next thing is a cry for help. I have bought some things from ebay and most recently a dollar store for Casey's room. The butterflies I bought at the dollar store are resin. The flowers and turtles are ceramic bisque. Does anyone "crafty" know what type of paints would be best for these materials? Do I need to do a clear coat after I've painted as a "seal"? Can anyone help me out..otherwise I'll have to go to Michael's or Hobby Lobby and I just know...I'll never find anyone as fabulous there to help me as My G-Homie probably was to her customers. (Did I mention I'm going to see her in May..yep. She has a long layover and Casey and I are going to hang out with her at the airport for a few hours---can't wait!)

Here is what I got:

Lastly, today is kinda freaky. It is probably my last full day at work and all I 'll think about is whether they'll screw up my severance deposit on April 30th. It keeps hanging over me like a dark cloud with the occasional clap of thunder to remind me it's still a storm.
I'm tired and when I get tired and really stressed my eye twitches. It's been twitching consistently since yesterday morning. Today isn't looking any better. The good news is...it's ALMOST over.
My daughter can say her last name now..which is quite awesome because it's 3 syllables. She's going to be a talker like her Mom.
I had a disturbingly honest conversation with my son about his "sex" life..that I think I'll blog about next week..AFTER I've bleached my brain.
I actually got on a scale last night and I'm frightened. It's time to get serious about this.
My cable went in and out so much last night I think I saw 30 minutes of LOST. So I'm a bit irritated..I got the gist of the show..but you just know I missed a bunch of stuff.

And that's it..I'm gonna stop now..but if anyone can help me out with that paint question...that would be AWESOME.

blow blow IS THIS THING ON? An Interview MeMe

2007-04-11T05:13:00.000-07:00

So lately it feels as if I'm losing a few readers...not sure if I'm just not saying anything interesting or what..but if anyone is listening...

This is an interview CPA Mom sent me.

1) What would be your dream career if you could pick anything to do without worrying about making enough money?

My dream career would be a stay at home Mom, part-time writer so whether I made any money or not wouldn't be an issue.

2) Complete this sentence: Happiness is....

A kiss or hug from one of my kids.

3) What is the greatest age difference that you've ever experienced in a relationship? Did it make a difference?

In a serious relationship, 3 1/2 years and yes it did make a little difference because I was 22 and he was almost 26 when we got married. That was my FIRST husband so that shows you how well it worked out for me. In a dating/"casual" relationship about 10 years. I was 20 and he was 30 or 31. I can say this...the sex was WAY better than anything I'd ever had...so it was an eye opener for me and yes..he treated me better than any 20 year old did. I also had a casual (no sex) couple months of dating relationship with a guy when I was 25 and he was 41. He was the youngest 41 I ever knew and again, he knew how to treat a lady.

4) What is your earliest memory?

Being very sick as a child the summer I was 3 1/2 and had kidney problems and was confined to bed and my Dad and I watched the original Charlotte's web on television. I loved it so much I begged him to read the book to me...and he did..the whole summer I was stuck in bed.

5) What is the one thing you cannot live without?

Besides my family...probably coffee, chocolate and then clorox wipes and pretty much in that order.

6) What place outside of the U.S. would you most like to visit? Why?

Ireland. I've just always wanted to go there. I have family from there and I think it would be so educational not to mention relaxing to go and just cruise the countryside. I'd also love to visit Spain anywhere that naps are allowed is a place I want to visit... siesta right? Is that the right word?

7) Who has had the most influence on your life?

I'm sure being a Mom most people would expect me to say my Mom. Actually it's Kyle, my son. He is by far; the single most important person to have the greatest impact on the person I have become. I know that probably sounds odd; I'm 34 he's almost 15 but we've learned a lot together, grew up together. Without him, my life would have turned out VERY different.

So if anyone wants to participate and have some interview questions..you just let me know.

ALSO, I'll open up to the floor now....

Any questions for me...on Ask Angie Wednesday....

When life gives you lemons

2007-04-10T05:18:00.000-07:00

Throw them at the first person that REALLY pisses you off.

That's my motto.

I am a naive fool.

Somehow I thought finishing out my last 2 weeks of work would be much easier than it's turned out to be.

It's really hard to be positive, not say anything negative about the company and do your job while under a microscope. It's almost as if they are trying to piss you off to the point where they WANT you to invalidate your severance.

It's not gonna happen here. I need those 4 weeks at 100% severance.

I will eat shit with a spoon and fork if necessary...all while being questioned on my judgement about every piece of work I have done for the last 18 months.

There really is no joy in mudville this week..but I'm working on finishing it out..and moving on.

In a few short months after our move, after baseball is over, after graduation I'll be sitting at the new house with hopefully fonder memories than these last 2 weeks. By then, it won't matter.

Would I love to walk out right now? Bet your ass.
Would that invalidate my severance? Yep.

Why don't I just tell them to Take Their Job and Shove it?

Because in the 16 years I've been working, I've never been unemployed for more than 3 or 4 weeks and even then I was temping somewhere during the downtime. I've never collected unemployment and this is the first time I've ever been "laid off". It's an odd feeling knowing that it wasn't anything YOU did to lose your job. It just happens.

So I will not tell them to shove it. I will continue to show up on time, do my work, answer all the ridiculous questions, make the notes about my work, adhere to my lunch break and my stop time and do it all with a smile.

Sometimes being an adult and having to do the right thing really sucks.

Rhetorical Questions

2007-04-05T13:07:00.000-07:00

"Do you think money grows on trees?"
"If your friend jumped off the bridge, would you?"
"What do you think you're doing?"

These are questions that I heard as a child.

These are questions if you were SMART you did not attempt to snap back an answer to my Mother. Ever. Not if you liked your teeth in your mouth. Don't get me wrong my Mother only ever smacked me ONCE in my lifetime and it was when I called her a bitch. Certainly not one of my finer teen aged moments.

However, I've noticed that years later the questions have changed with the times because I would never say "If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?" and not because it sounds retro..but because in this day and age of Xtreme Sports and TV shows like Fear Factor; Kyle might answer "Cool!"

Anyway, as I'm beginning my "to do" or "to research" lists for the move this summer I come to a big ticket item; flooring.

My Mom has hardwood floors but they are in B-A-D shape. She's getting a quote for the other house but she's not expecting a reasonable quote. That means the house I'm moving into has few options.

I can get a quote and pay a small fortune to get the hardwood floors redone. (which I'm not a fan of to begin with)
I can call a local commercial carpet installer and get quotes.
I can pay a small fortune for area rugs that I'm not fond of and don't cover the entire floor.

a friend of mine turned me onto carpet tiles.

She's an interior decorator and apparently uses these in playrooms, game rooms and such.

These are a totally new concept to me. I spent half the night last night online looking at different companies, seeing many duplicate designs and pricing it out. See the living room area that needs to be carpeted is 12x14 and Casey's room is 9 x 13. For 2 sets of tiles to cover these rooms with shipping is somewhere between $350-370.

Certainly cheaper than having carpet installed maybe not as nice as a "real" carpet.
More than likely cheaper than the refinishing quote.

Question is how WELL can you trust the colors from an internet site on your PC. What if what looks to me like a nice mixture of hot pink, purple and yellow is really more PLUM?

Good question.

When I mentioned to Jeff what I'd found his response..

"$350? Do you think I'm made of money?"

"Honey, you sounded JUST LIKE YOUR DAD JUST NOW. All I know is I'll bet that's way less than having the floors redone right now and it's a solution til we either can afford good carpeting or have the floors redone."

"I sounded like my Dad. Oh. Good.Grief. How did I arrive there so quickly? Well honey I'm sure you'll figure it all out without it costing us an arm and a leg."

"Honey..."

"Yeah?"

"You're doing it again....an arm and a leg? Do people say that any more?"

"Ouch. Ok, I'll stop."

Clueless- Party of One

2007-04-05T04:59:00.000-07:00

See what 12 years of (TINY) apartment living will do to a person? (Now put on your seat belts and stay with me. This ride could get a little bumpy.)

Kyle is graduating in 7 weeks.

Graduations mean graduations parties.

Add in 60 baseball games without a Saturday free and you're screwed.

So you think...."Can I swing this AFTER the move in July at the new house?" A) It'll be more than likely it'll be 110 degrees and B) Only family would show because it's over an hour to the new house. However C) (is a plus) and we have a pool at the new house but B) really sucks for Kyle.

Then you grab a calendar and compare the times and locations of weekend games in June. You realize that you may have to change the time of the week (as in Mon-Thurs vs. Thurs-Sun) you're going to Tennessee. *Note to self...discuss this with That Chick immediately. Oh you have a free Sunday.

Do people even HAVE graduations parties on Sundays? I mean we're not church going people...but other people might be...wait if they go to church and hang out with US, how freaking religious can they be? Ok nevermind. FOCUS Angie Grasshopper FOCUS.

Ok...wait....I have a free Sunday or 2 that I could squeeze this in....that's going to be Plan B for sure. Must discuss this with my Dad...since his house is the only logical LOCAL place to have this party anyway. Not like I can invite people over to my 2 bedroom cubicle with crappy air conditioning. We could do one of the picnic groves at the Forest Preserves except..NO ALCOHOL. Well that's just not going to fly in my lovely Irish family. You know how people don't have liquor AT their parties because they worry about people getting out of hand..yeah not my family. You worry people might get out of hand if there IS NOT any liquor. Ok back to Plan A- find a Saturday and ask Dad if that date is ok with him.

Holy Schnikes I have one. Saturday June 9th there is no baseball scheduled. If I didn't know any better...I would think our coach of 13 8th graders might have just given us a free day ( or his wife DEMANDED) in order for this blessed event to take place. The only REAL problem being that if that is our "free" Saturday. There will be 10 graduation parties in town on the same day....oh well.

Saturday June 9th or Sunday June 10th looks like a really good time to clear with my Dad, then schedule a Molly Maid to clean his house and get invitations in the mail in the next 2 1/2 weeks.

THEN....it hits me. Like a freight train.

I HAVE NEVER HOSTED A PARTY. EVER.

How much food do I order for an event such as this?
What kind of food do I order for an event such as this?
How much liquor do I buy for an event such as this? Oh never mind..in my family there can never be TOO much, only not enough.

So do I order chicken and beef from somewhere, get some salads and a cake from Sam's club?

Do I do meatballs for sandwiches in several crock pots instead of beef?

How much regular soda, how much lemon lime soda, how much diet?

Can anyone HELP out the girl that has never hosted a party..and does NOT want to fall flat on her face for her ONLY son's first graduation party. Now with family and a few friends...the list is 70 max. I expect probably 40 people or so.

Anyone?

Anyone?

Clearly slapping down some velveeta and wheat thins with water is not an option.

Are you the hot girl?

2007-04-04T06:28:00.000-07:00

Think about how you answer that question now.

Yesterday I ran out to get one of my favorite lunches (because knowing you aren't going to be working near this place after next week, you want to enjoy it while you can. The day they put one of these restaurants in the suburbs I'll be a happy camper.) and I end up walking just ahead of a group of 3 guys.

I can hear their entire conversation.

I hear one guy say to the other "So then she comes STOMPING into the living room saying why can't I wear just anything I want and I said well I only ever see you in sweats anymore, I mean you're hardly the hot girl I met."

I nearly turned around and said.."And I'm SURE you're the dreamboat from the romance novel she ONCE met years ago too, asshole." but I didn't. I kept walking for the short 1/2 block and the other guys are chiming in and agreeing "Yeah and you don't even have kids yet. Think about when that happens. Most women use that as an excuse to just let themselves go."

So here I am thinking..."Am I a hot girl?" Are any of you? It's totally ok to admit that you are. I myself was never by society's standards a HOT girl. Never. I was pretty enough but in my day blonde, blue eyed and single digit dress sizes were the hot girls. The minute you became a junior size 12 or 14..then no.

Now to Jeff; I was totally HOT when he met me. To him, (thankfully) I'm STILL hot. Do I have my days where my boobs hang to my waistband and my hair looks like it's been stuck in that half-assed bun for days without washing, sure. Some days I even get a few monster zits that I won't cover with makeup. I'm hot I tell you. However, most of the time I dress business to business casual during the day. Weekends I'm usually a sweater and jeans kind of girl but I will wear a nice blouse..and I very rarely go out without showering, doing my hair and makeup. Again, an occasional Saturday morning running of errands sometimes gets me a face wash, tooth brush, hair in the pony tail with track pants and t-shirt..but for the most part I leave the house presentable. Even if I didn't leave the house like that and stayed home all day (which I'm ABOUT to do) and was in track pants 5 out of 7 and the other 2 in my PJs, Jeff would still see my beauty. Why?

Cuz I didn't marry an asshole.

Finally as I'm walking I go to hit the revolving doors to my office building. I turned to look back and I saw the guy that was speaking. Average build, definite pot belly (probably beer belly), balding with really bad acne scars wearing jeans and polo with tennis shoes. This guy talked as though he worked in a suit at the Board of Trade and his wife was just this lump of a frump woman.

So of course when Jeff got home last night I had to ask.

"Honey, am I still the hot girl you met?"

"Uh....is this one of those questions I'm gonna get in trouble no matter what I say cuz I'm too tired to play that game today."

"No, just honesty." Then I proceeded to tell him the story.

"Well no you aren't. You've had a baby. Your body changed. Some days I'm just grateful you brushed your teeth but YES..when we're going out...you always look hot. I still know that I can't keep my hands off you and I love you more now than I did when I first met you because of your insides not your outsides. We have kids. We have jobs. No one can look 100% perfect 100% of the time. It's just not realistic. That guy was kidding himself if he thought his wife's appearance would never change. I mean I'm sure after a long week and we're going to run errands you'd like to see me in something other than track pants and a jersey or t-shirt but that's what I'm comfortable in. I don't expect you to be perfect. I expected you to change because I changed..and I would hate to think you thought less of me because of the way I'd changed."

Then he came over and gave me such a tender kiss....I felt like we'd just started dating again. To be able to feel that way over 5 years later....was like heaven.

So no, Jeff isn't perfect. He weighs about 40 lbs more than when I met him. We're both older. Sometimes I have to BEG him to wear anything OTHER than a t-shirt when we're going out to dinner. Sometimes he indulges me, other times not.

Last night I thanked God for Jeff's imperfections because him having his own makes him a little more tolerant and accepting of mine.

Why is it called a "PINK" slip?

2007-04-03T06:04:00.000-07:00

re Clearly none of the pieces of paper in my "layoff package" were pink. I'm sure it originated somewhere YEARS ago. (HEY- CONTEST idea---I'll send a cute little prize to the first person that researches the origin of "the PINK slip".)

Well regardless, I got my official notice and package of information on Friday. My last day at work is April 13th. From there I collect a short and crappy severance package before I can start collecting unemployment. The good news is that if I'm right....I'll put more money into my checking account staying home than I was working. (The high price of daycare, who knew?)

Yesterday I spent the day with my boss basically over my shoulder asking "Well what's that pile? What's that? Why do you have a picture of a "CLUE BAT" at your desk?" making notes and piles and lists of things I do so my co-worker can take over after I leave. So I was absent in the blog world.

However, I'm happy to report I'm here today and will read and catch up on everyone shortly.

Other interesting tidbits:

I'm planning a trip to see That Chick and another good friend of mine in Tennessee in June.
CPA Mom has just about talked me into attending the BLOGHER conference. Even though it's the weekend I was considering MOVING (talk about putting too much on your plate) I really think a couple of trips during my "time off" is just what I need. I never take enough time for myself..and after the year I've had...well I think I deserve it. Plus this trip is not very far from home.
My husband's promotion was announced to his team today. Pretty excited about that pay raise that will take effect 5/1.
My son's baseball schedule came home last night and I got to tell you; I'm tired just reading it. 36 games in 10 weeks. That's ONLY for ONE team. When I add in his other 20-24 games for the other team...I'm going to be very happy I'm not working.
My dear friend, Kate, sent me a post card joke that I received last night. She's been sending them to me for weeks to keep my spirits up during this tough time. Last night was the ONE particular time I let Kyle get the mail from the box. On this postcard was a joke that goes something like this:

A man walks into a bar. Bartender says "You look awful guy, what's wrong?"

"Well I was so drunk last night I blew chunks."

Bartender says "Don't worry buddy lots of people get sick after they've had too much to drink.

Guys says..."Yeah, but Chunks is my DOG!"

My poor son may never be the same again....

Together we can make a difference

2007-03-30T06:06:00.000-07:00

I bet there isn't a person here that hasn't lost someone to cancer.

I currently have 3 immediate cancer survivors in my family.

My Mother from breast 6 1/2 years.
My Father from colon -diagnosed 16 years ago.
My Sister and her recent thyroid issues.

I' ve lost my Grandfather, my Grandmothers, my step-Dad, My Godmother.

There just are very few people that haven't been touched by cancer on some level.

It is with great hope that I some day see some type of treatment or cure. Maybe it comes in Casey's lifetime and that too, would be a great blessing.

I have recently signed up to participate in the American Cancer Society Walk & Roll Chicago. I considered just the Breast Cancer walk but it goes beyond just breast cancer. I don't just walk for the women of my life, I walk for everyone because they all need cures.

I have committed to raise funds for the American Cancer Society in their efforts of eliminating cancer as a major health problem by preventing cancer, saving lives, and diminishing suffering from cancer, through research, education, advocacy and service.

I would appreciate it if you could sponsor me in this great endeavor. My goal is to raise as much money as possible for the event and I hope that you will help.

You can go to my personal page (see link below) and donate directly with a debit/credit card. I am also collecting checks written to the American Cancer Society and cash. If you wish to donate privately you can email me at amorrison73 at gmail dot com

Casey and I will be walking with my family "Team Butler" on what I hope is a lovely, glorious, sunny May day in Chicago. As I walk I will think of those I have lost and smile knowing how much I miss them but I will also smile and think of all those we can try and save through the money raised during this campaign.

Thank you for considering sponsoring me as I join the fight against cancer as a Walk & Roll Chicago participant.

Click here to visit my personal page.If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:http://www.walkroll.org/site/TR?px=1239701&pg=personal&fr_id=1050&s_tafId=7000

Click here to view the team page for Team ButlerIf the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:http://www.walkroll.org/site/TR?team_id=9910&pg=team&fr_id=1050&s_tafId=7000

I'm lucky sometimes that I CAN think...

2007-03-29T05:14:00.000-07:00

So SJ at All The Jones men nominated me for one of those (kinda creepy looking fetus ) Thinking Blog Awards. Thank you, now I feel like one of the cool kids.

How sad is it that a grown woman of 34 kept reading the other women from her blog roll seeing they were nominated and then getting disappointed when no one nominated her. I'm embarrassed to admit I was disappointed. I know the blog has sucked the last 2 weeks or so...with just mundane crap rather than anything really heartfelt or meaningful. Life ya know? What are you gonna do?

Anyway, I'm supposed to link you to Thinking Blog Awards .

I'm also supposed to nominate 5 people that make me think whenever I read their blogs. If you look to the right..my blogroll is very small comparatively. Most of these women have already passed the torch and I'm not sure I'd have 5 TO actually nominate.

So I will do something very different....right now I'm very "relationship oriented" vs "kid oriented" so here goes:

5 Questions to Make You think

1) Do you consider it cheating if you start to have FREQUENT fantasies about someone besides your partner?

2) If your partner were the one having the fantasies would you want to know about them?

3) You just found out that your very best friend is embezzling money from her employer to pay for medical expenses of a sick family member, do you turn her in?

4) Are you or your partner always the "fixer" your relationship? How do these roles get formed?

5) Do you believe that friendships between men and women are a good idea? Do you have any that your partner feels uncomfortable about?

Lastly, as I was reading what SJ wrote about me:

Put the FUN in DysFUNctional. As soon as I started reading, I couldn’t stop. Again, she talks about life and her children and more recently her issues with work. Reading all of that brought all my ‘lay-off’ memories back and even though she’s okay with it, I totally wasn’t. You heard me right; she’s totally OK with getting laid off. You go girl! And besides all that she’s sweet and fun and helpful. And it makes me think and reminds me that I’m grateful to know a blogging friend like her.

I began to think of my pending layoff again. It's amazing to me how just mentioning something very "everyday life" that is happening to me touches other people. The most profound example I have is Stephanie and her dealing with the prematurity of the twins. I never knew my discussing it so honestly helped her come to grips with her own feelings. Now I know about a less than happy time when SJ got laid off and was clearly unhappy about.

A year ago this layoff would have landed me on medication. A year ago I was the breadwinner, I carried all the EXPENSIVE health benefits for me, Jeff and Casey. Jeff wasn't making real money and unemployment wouldn't even have paid the bills. What a difference a year makes, huh?

This layoff simply put...oh..what's that old cliche? "Timing is everything"
With my move, the fact that I didn't want to commute to the city anymore, that I need some time off to be with my kids, that I would have been looking by mid-May for a new job closer to home ANYWAY, why not let them pay me 100% for 6 weeks and then collect unemployment. It's nothing personal. I would have survived the cut for probably another year but I volunteered.

The one thing I am most sad about is that I am in constant contact with a very very dear friend of mine via email all day. See That Chick and I ...we can be slackers sometimes. Sometimes we'll email 100 times in a day. She is the one person I never knew I could have in my life. I can't tell you how many times we've helped each other through some serious business. I know if I need her, she's never more than an email away. Being at home all day I won't be sitting staring at a computer screen all day..and a big part of me is scared. What if we lose what we have? Are we THAT kind of friends? The kind that has to be in constant contact with each other otherwise we lose touch. Sweet Lord I hope not. I don't think so but the sinking feeling that's hovered around me since I began to think of how my life will change with this layoff, I finally tied to that. I can't lose her. I'm planning a trip to go and meet her now that I will have time. I can't wait to spend time with her, Jason, the kids and Ginger. She is the best friend I always wanted. I mean I've morbidly had fleeting thoughts of my life without my family or my husband and kids. Ya know the silly "What Ifs". But have you EVER thought about what your life would really be like without your closest friends?

I did..and my life was a much darker place that I didn't like one bit.

So there...there's my thinking blog for today.

A Glimpse ahead

2007-03-28T05:16:00.000-07:00

Honestly I have too much work to be able to blow through all my sick days...since I had 3 and I would have to use them all by this Friday. Once I'm "officially notified" of my layoff I can't miss a day for 2 weeks. So yesterday was my only day off...I'll be here through the 13th now. Not so bad. 13 more days of work if you count today and I lose 2 days of sick time.

However, having the day off gave me a good idea what my time at home will be like. I slept til almost 7:45, which was 3 hours more than I get now. I felt very refreshed, ready to attack the day and that's exactly what I did.

Want to know what I got done? Truthfully not all that much.

I fed the kids, had some coffee and started cleaning up the kitchen from the night before.

By 10am I had 2 loads of laundry done and played with Casey. Then she went down for her morning nap and I decided to tackle the book/media shelves.

I packed a big box full of paper back books to donate. Had a huge garbage bag full of stuff I was ready toss and then made a list of all my VHS tapes that I need to replace with DVDs and tossed those. Rearranged some stuff and just in time for Casey to get up from her nap and have some lunch. Then she and I sat on the floor and played for nearly 2 hours. It was heaven.

Before you knew it Kyle was home and we were getting ready for them to eat. Our dinner plans fell through with our friends so Jeff and I went to dinner.

It was a very nice day. Gave me a little idea as to how my days at home will go not accounting for just about anything else that gets thrown at me..but eh..whatever.

Also, I was dusting pictures and looking at my son's school pictures.

It's amazing to me how fast the time really goes. It was not that long ago he was just starting school. I have one of those school house frames with 13 slots for kindergarten through 12th grade. There are only 4 open slots. I looked at that frame picturing all 12 full. Imagining this was March of 2011 and where my son would be going off to college. Thinking about how much I would miss talking to him every day. Seeing him everyday.

Then I looked at my 4 slot frame for Casey. Her 2 month, 4 month, 8 month and 1 year pictures all smiling back at me. Considering she's only 2 months away from being 2 years....where did that time go?

My glimpse ahead to her future made me realize how grateful I am for this time being given to me to spend just with her. The time goes SO quickly.

Although I was scared of what is yet to come...I'm also grateful for the chance to take this journey with my children.

P.S. Emma----We are having computer connectivity issues at home but I'm working on them so that when I am laid off, I will still post M-F. I didn't post yesterday because I couldn't get online.

The Times they are a Changing

2007-03-26T07:07:00.000-07:00

Talk about a full, fun and productive weekend.

Friday night we decided since we were both home early enough we'd hit Carmax.

2 hours later I have a Navy Blue, Chrysler Town & Country minivan.

We got the seat style & mileage we were hoping for, plus it was in our price range, which was the most important thing.

Why can't I be independently wealthy? Why is price such an issue? Because I was given additional confirmation today by my boss that yes; I am on the list for the April layoff. That it is only a matter of days before HR gives the approval and then he has paperwork to complete and we can be officially told when our last day will be and how much severance we will be getting.

He said "I'm not sure if it's coming down today or this week so your last day could be the 6th, it might not be til the 13th. Either way it'll be April." Again really it's fine..and the sooner it happens, the sooner I can be thrilled with it all and really accept it.

But we got the minivan Friday and then did nothing but shop for 2 more days. Saturday we went to the mall with my sister looking for shorts and t-shirts for Kyle.

Sunday we went to another mall to get shirts for Jeff, baseball equipment for Kyle and then I spent $100 on myself at Lane Bryant. Got some really cute stuff too....

Sunday night Jeff had his fantasy baseball draft and we went to visit my Dad for a little while.

I didn't get to bed any night this weekend before midnight and was up at 7:30 Sat morning and 7am Sunday morning. I'm freaking tired today.

However, Tues I'm taking one of my sick days since my boss told me to take them and use them because I won't be compensated for them. So I have the day off, which is good because we have friends from Arizona passing through that want to have dinner and I'll be home rather than rushing around. So tomorrow morning, I'm sleeping in.

How is everyone else?

Losing your job? Go shopping; you'll feel better

2007-03-22T12:55:00.000-07:00

No joke here; that IS how I'm wrapping up my week.

Wednesday I found out it'll be a matter of weeks before I lose my job.
Thursday I decided to get pre-approved for a loan for a new vehicle.
(Well used from Carmax but whatever, it's still a $14,000 purchase)

That's right ladies and gents, first thing Saturday morning Jeff and I will drive with the kiddies to one of Chicago's largest CarMax locations and shop for a minivan. With a little luck I'll be driving it home.

Did someone say SOCCER MOM? Oh no you did-nnn't.

I'm a football Mom, I'm a baseball Mom. No soccer round these parts.

However, I will say that I do feel like this is that step. That next step towards my MID-30s, where I set comfortably into the Motherhood role and shuttling my children around while having no real life of my own for a few years before I realize that almost all but uncapable of having an adult conversation. (Hell sometimes I feel like that now)

Except that I've decided I won't let that last part happen to me. I started a piggy bank for the down payment on the minivan, I will now start over for my camera.

I love to take pictures. It's been a hobby of mine for years and I've never had the money to invest in a good camera. Before long I will have the money and I will indulge in that activity as often as I can.

So if that means driving to my photo taking destination in a minivan among all the other Moms, so be it. Casey won't be kicking me in the back with her feet, Kyle won't be whining about how he has NOOOO room with his 33 inch inseam and when we take a family trip there will be more than enough room for all our crap.

I don't want a minivan, I need it. Sue me.

**** Edited to touch base with 2 of my readers.

Emma I see you----you haven't updated in forever and you have no email attached to your profile. Please let me know you are ok.

Missy- I've been emailing you all week. Does gmail hate you again?

Waving the white flag oh.....and a pink slip

2007-03-22T06:48:00.000-07:00

So my week from hell has just gotten 100 times better.

Why you ask?

I'm getting laid off....VERY shortly.

Please no tears, no tears. Really. With our big move coming up I wasn't sure I wanted to continue the commute into the city anyway. This really is the best thing that could have happened.

I got confirmation on Wed from my boss that YES, it's only a short matter of time before I get laid off. As in the next 2 weeks to a month at the latest.

They asked him for a "schedule" and he had someone getting laid off in June, July and August to stretch it out hoping to get more business and be able to keep someone.

HR came back and said "No, you need to condense it and we need 4."

So my boss said "ok, MAY, June, July and August."

They came back and said "No, 2 in April, 2 in May." and by this they mean BY April 1st. Hello people it's already March 21st when my boss was telling me this and they give everyone 2 weeks notice to let you know.

He said he's still shooting for 1 person in April, 2 in May and 1 in June on the chance to keep me through June but when push comes to shove he'll have very little say in the matter.

So I'll be getting laid off very soon, which really right now..is a blessing.

The only other thing he's waiting to hear back from them on is my 4 yr anniversary is April 14th. When I hit that I would get another week of severance so he's trying to say to HR. "I have someone for April IF you give her the extra week since she'll be just a few days shy of her anniversary date anyway" and REALLY..they should. That's just cruel. It's a matter of 1 to 2 weeks pay for them out of pocket so we'll see what their final decision is on that.

I'm anticipating coming in Friday or Monday and being told that my last day here will be April 6th or 13th. Then 6 weeks severance and then unemployment will kick in. Really, it's fine, it's a crap package. We got sold the end of 2005 by our parent company to some small rinky-dink company. At the end of 2006 they changed the severance packages. It used to be 4 weeks up front plus 2 weeks for every year of service, which meant I would have gotten 10 or 12 weeks at 100%. Now my options are 5 or 6 weeks.

I'm actually quite thrilled for the time off. I can help with my sisters if they need me, I can get some rest, I can enjoy the kids and baseball. I can clean and pack and cook good meals instead of eating on the fly every darn day..and not stress about money.

So yeah...not the greatest news since I was originally hoping to stay as long through the summer as possible and get us further out of debt in anticipation of the move and the hopes of only having to work part time or (gasp) not having to work at all. So this came as a little bit of downer. Then I did the typical Angie thing and crunched the numbers and realized that I will be making about $230 -$250 MORE on unemployment (how sad is that- shows you how much I pay out in daycare for Casey) so it's kind of a no brain decision that I could stay home and STILL pay the debt down.

So there ya go.

I threw up the white surrender flag and offered myself up to the severance Gods back in January and now it's finally going to happen.

Just trying to clean up my desk in preparation of the "news". I can't remember ever being this calm about losing a job. Maybe I'm growing...

Take me

2007-03-20T05:09:00.000-07:00

Finish that sentence anyway you like...

Take me out to dinner- cuz lord knows my husband and I get to eat together about twice a week if we're lucky. The rest of my nights consist of doing "happy dances", train or plane sounds and sure begging to get Casey to eat what I've prepared. Other times it's just a matter of watching Kyle inhale a plate of food while leaning up against the kitchen counter plus I won't even mention the cookware or dishes I seem to have to do all alone most nights.

Take me out of the house- Seriously. I spent most of my 3 day weekend in the house. Friday I did get out in the afternoon to run a few errands with Kyle. Saturday morning I treated myself to grocery shopping. YIPEE! (Anyone detect the sarcasm there? Anyone? Anyone?) Sunday...no where. Not that I had anywhere to go. The weather was craptacular and I had a "to do" list in preparation of the move that I had to get done. I got all but ONE small task completed so I am proud of myself...but jeez...a girl really needs a little adult interaction.

Take me to my happy place- because it's now been 12 days since I called Chrysler about my release of lien for my car. The State of Illinois still shows it has a lien holder regardless of the fact that I paid my car off in 2003. Yes. 2003. I need my release of lien so that I can go look for another car. Not that I think anyone will give me much for my 1999 Dodge Neon with 85,000 miles on it..but even if it's $1,000---that's $1,000. I'm getting anxious because Jeff is off this weekend and I really want to go car shopping.

In good news though....Kyle found out Thursday night that he made the travel baseball team. His Mom ran out and got a huge balloon bouquet and made signs for his bedroom door so when he came home from school on Friday he had a big surprise.

Lastly, things with my extended family aren't good and it's just too painful for me to discuss now. So if I seem a little off for the next couple of days....please be patient. I shall return to my completely funny yet dysfunctional self soon.

Hair 101 and Other Necessities

2007-03-15T06:25:00.000-07:00

Hair 101 and other necessities is not a Daddy's First Love

Now this whole “Mommy” thing; I love it.

However, sometimes with Jeff and the “Daddy” thing, I wonder if the jury is still out on that.

Jeff is unsure of ability to be a good Daddy to a little girl.The whole baseball, football, video game, talking about girls thing with Kyle; he’s got that. No sweat.

The young princess of the house, however, has her Father totally baffled and frightened.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s got the diaper thing down to a science. Bath time, no prob. He’s even getting better at picking out outfits that ACTUALLY match, which isn’t bad considering she’ll be 2.

There is just one area he’ll totally admits scares the crap out of him.

Hair-dos. Mostly what he does is a hair–don’t but lately I’ve begun threatening him.

See my husband thinks little girls with long hair are adorable. Casey’s is finally getting fun. It’s finally getting long on top and in the back. When you pull it off her face the shorter pieces have gotten long enough that they don't just stand straight up. However, with long hair comes the responsibility to take care of it.

I keep trying to explain that to my BALD husband. He just has selective hearing or whatever. "Time? Dime? Wine? What did you say? LALALALALA I can't hear you.”

Lately when I pick Casey up from the sitter her hair is just kind of sitting in her eyes. She was bald headed for so long and then all of a sudden it was there. She hasn’t had a haircut yet. I keep saying it’s time and Jeff keeps wincing as if I’m discussing removing one of his family jewels. It’s just a haircut, right? Not to Jeff.

Since I have the luxury of leaving for work at 5am, Jeff takes Casey to daycare every morning. Can you imagine how many times a week he actually does her hair?

If you guessed 5 out of 5 please ship me any hallucinogen drugs you’re ingesting. Send them COD even because I need to be on that stuff too.

If you guessed 3 out of 5, you ‘re a "glass is half-full" kind of person, aren’t you?

If you guessed ZERO out of 5 well then you’ve met my husband.

Tuesday night was the final straw for me. I walked into our sitter and she a wad of gum stuck to the side of her hair. Not a HUGE wad you see and it was easily picked, pulled and peanut butter slid out of her hair. However, I threatened one last time.

“Either you attend Mommy’s Hair 101 tonight or she goes for a haircut this weekend.”

The look of “You Think You GOT me on that don’t you WOMAN, I’ll tell you something..ok never mind” on his face said it all.

“O-K. When?”

“Right after her tubby.” **Casey from across the living room** “TUBBY? SHOWER? WATER?” As she runs towards us trying to yank her clothes off.

20 minutes later she’s bathed, dressed in jammies and sitting on our bed.

Now for the last week or so I’ve been putting her hair in 2 mini half-pigtails.

As I begin to say “Now honey…”

He breaks in “If you think I can do that early hot school girl Brittney Spears or Princess Leia stuff….no dice my friend, she’ll have no hair left cuz I’ll end up pulling it out and then where will we BE, when our daughter is bald because you forced me to do her hair. HMMM?"

"Jeff, you must CHILL. This is not that hard. Can you count to 3?”

“Bite me.”

“Nice, nice manners. Do you want her to start saying that?”

“OK, Ok sorry.”

LOL we start laughing and then Casey starts this big phony laugh, which only made us laugh more.

I told him to get a chair. I sat her between my legs with her back to my chest and told him to stand behind me looking over me. I grabbed the comb and said “Brush once over the left ear -ONE, once from the center by her bangs- TWO and once from the right ear-THREE. Now you grab the rubber band and pull it around until it’s tight. Usually with this amount of hair 3 or 4 times is good. Then you tighten it a little and brush the bottom back hair a couple times and you’re done.”

Showing him the baby. “See? What do you think Casey?”

She reached her hand up to her head. “Pretty!”

Then I removed the rubber band and made him attempt to do it. A lot of squirming around and he never actually got it in her hair..and this is what her hair looked like.

Then I said “Now when you get comfortable with that, I’ll teach the piggies.”

He said…”Wait…is this a six week course or what? Two piggies seems way more like Hair VO5 or Hair 505 or whatever and ya know what…3 years from now; one day I’ll be finishing up her hair to drive her to daycare and she’s gonna look in the mirror and say Mommy does it better anyway, so what’s the difference?”

“The difference is you should know how to at least ATTEMPT it. What if something happens to me?”

“Well then I’ll just have to remarry someone that knows how to do hair.”

My response…

“Fine. Your grade for today D+. You know what happens when you fail hair 101, right?”

He started laughing hysterically and pointing at his BALD head and said…

“Yeah, you end up like THIS!”

Anyone want to trade husbands for a few days?

Clearly he needs some time to PERFECT the cuteness that is the

pigtails on this child.

MOMMY ROCKS!

Spring Fever

2007-03-14T06:28:00.000-07:00

Summer fever, moving fever. Whatever.

Looking ahead on the calendar, it's a fair assessment to say that about 4 months from now we will be moving.

Sometime in mid to late July. The only thing holding up the actual date is whether Kyle makes this baseball team and even once we know that, I have to wait for the baseball schedules to come out.

July 14th is a possibility.

July 27th is a better possibility.

See I'm assuming I'll still be at my job then. July 27th is my Flex Friday off, which means if I wanted to take Thurs & Mon, I'd have a nice long weekend to move and only use 2 days of vacation. If I'm not at my job..this will be a lot easier to plan when the time comes.

In preparation for this move, I've begun the typical purging of clothes none of us has worn in years, digging through the storage unit for things that seem to accumulate there and most recently closets and kitchen cabinets.

Do you think this would motivate me to keep going? Not really.

One would think the sense of accomplishment would be enough. Not for me. **Curse this instant gratification society we live in.**

For me, it's the thought of being able to UNPACK boxes in our NEW home.

For now, we're just renting the house from my Mom. In time, I'm certain we will be buying it from her. To us, this is our first HOUSE. It's not big, it's not new, it's not glamorous but to us it might as well be a castle. It's about 1400 sq feet. It has a huge yard and a pool. The only downfall is the SINGLE bathroom. We're going to have to do something about that eventually.

For me, it's the ideas that come to my head about decorating. When you've lived in off white or white ONLY apartments for over 10 years, the thought of COLOR excites you. Right now we're not planning on making many changes to the house as it is. We love the color of the living room. The bathroom and kitchen are good base colors; I need only find accents and accessories. We love the master bedroom. The 2nd bedroom that will be Casey's we were unsure of but have since found the perfect material to make her a comforter and give her room some life. The only room essentially that needs painting will be the 3rd bedroom in the basement for Kyle. He has decided on black, gray and red.

Now I have some rearranging and painting to do in Casey's room. The inside of her closet needs to be painted and different shelves hung. Her dresser drawers also need to be painted to brighten up the room and I need to find her an area rug but I'm looking forward to THAT work.

Packing, not so much.

So here are a few pictures of Casey's room:

Here is the inside of the closet that needs to get painted. I also need to move some of those shelves because we're going to put her play kitchen inside the closet where that desk is now.

Pardon the state of "half lived in" my sister has moved 90% of her stuff out and into the dorms.

Here is the view from the door to the left corner.

The closet is there on the left side just past the aqua light switch. This is her dresser. We're going to be painting the black drawer fronts white.

Again, pardon the x-mas tree. My sister moved a bunch of stuff to the dorms during break.

Also, the black blinds will come down and be replaced with curtains most likely.

My sister is 21 and black, white and hot pink work for her but black does not work for my 2 yr old.

This is currently the view from the door.

Not really sure what I'm going to do with that wall yet.

Maybe the overdone wooden letters spelling out her name.

Now this is one of my big excitements.

The GREEN in the living room.

This view is from the kitchen entrance staring back at the front door.

That green wall is the front wall of the house.

To the right of where that tile ends is my entire living room on that side of the house.

The carpet in the living room needed to be replaced and my Mom offered rather than go wall to wall carpeting to put tile in the foyer (HIGH TRAFFIC) area. I wasn't sure what she was going to pick out and since it's still her house I didn't really get the final vote. However, she found something that works so well and has since put most of it down.

4 months and counting.....

Hope for the best, prepare for anything

2007-03-13T06:15:00.000-07:00

Ya know I've heard the phrase "they are new parents" and it just sounds to me like a gross misrepresentation.

I have Kyle who is 14; he was nearly 13 when I brought Casey into the world. Was I a NEW parent? I hardly felt like it. However, after dozens of conversations with my Mom (a Mother of four) and Jeff's Mom (a Mother of seven); I know better.

We're always NEW parents.

There are experiences I've had that can give me an inkling in to how to handle them with Casey. Like now we're weaning her off the bottle. She's 21 months and some people would say that's too old. Well my daughter was nearly a micro-preemie and her developmental delays along with severe acid reflux made feeding for a few months difficult. So taking her from something that took her so long to ENJOY has been difficult but it's a brand new experience to me.

Every situation is different because as my Mom said "Some kids are like night and day." Or as Jeff's Mom said "What worked with Greg didn't work with Teddy and what worked with Teddy SURE did NOT work for Jeff." Every situation is different because every KID is different.

Just because I've been doing this "Mom thing" for 14 years does not make me the authority on Kyle either because KIDS themselves can change. Every situation with my son is a new experience.

Take for instance his latest sports issue.

Kyle has played baseball since he was 6. This is his 9th baseball season. Out of those 9 years, kids in his area can play for the elite, "competitive" team for 7 of those, 2 of those as a "travel" team.

So far, Kyle has played for this elite team 6 of the 7 and 1 of the 2. He's shooting for 7 out of 7 and 2 for 2. Last year's tryouts started with 34 kids. After 3 tryout sessions they cut 14 kids. The remaining 20 kids had 4 more sessions when they were finally cut to 13 kids on the team. No one in my house (except the oblivious Casey) slept for weeks. Kyle was on edge, he was nervous, he was ready to play but afraid he wasn't one of the top kids and possibly "on the bubble". I remember very well the night of his last tryout. It was a Sunday evening and he came home looking a little green.

"Kyle, honey, you ok?"

"Coach said we'll hear Tuesday. I don't feel well."

"Oh Sweetie, it's ok. If you don't make this team then you can go and visit your Grandparents and camp up North, it'll be ok."

"No really Mom, I feel like I'm gonna throw up." He had the flu and was literally in bed for 2 days when the call came from the coach to tell us he'd made the team.

Tryouts for this year's team, HIS LAST YEAR, began Sunday night. Again I sent him off to the high school wishing him luck.

He came home with a very somber look on his face. "Bubba?"

"Well there were 20 kids but 16 of them are all pretty good. I heard one coach say they might take 14. So I guess my chances are ok but we'll see." I could tell by the look in his eyes that any leg-up he thought he had by playing last year wasn't going to matter. They have 16 kids that are pretty good. That's still a chance he could be one of the 2 that get cut. I could see the look of fear and wonder of what might happen for his summer if he doesn't get picked. Now I realize that his life is not going to be made or broke by whether or not he makes this team but THIS is what HE wants and as his parent, well it's my job to help him have it. Even he doesn't get it; it's my job to make it ok.

"Honey, I have to assume with 20 kids, they are just going to have a few sessions and make one cut, right?"

"I don't know. Coach just said with the exception of one kid we all tried out last year so we knew the drill and that our 2nd tryout would be Tuesday night at 5:30pm."

"Ok, well the good news then is maybe by this weekend you'll be done trying out and you'll know by Tues or so."

"I'm worried Mom."

"I know honey, I know."

"No really, Zack ----- showed up from St. John. He shouldn't be allowed to try out, they have a team there. Little League rules say if you don't have a team in your town you can play with a town that does but his town HAS a team. If he makes the team and I don't, I'm gonna be so mad cuz that's not fair."

I tried for 15 minutes to reassure him. I didn't try and reassure him that he'd make the team. I merely tried to reassure him that no matter what happened; it would be ok. No matter what happened he'd still play baseball this summer for his other team. No matter what; he was still a great ball player. No matter what; the kids he's played with would still be his friends, even if he wasn't on the team.

Nothing I said comforted him. What am I NEW? Of course I am.

This is something he's experienced before and certainly will not be the last time we're gonna be in this situation but damn; did I feel helpless.

I started to think of all the times you try and protect your kids.
The times you have no control over the outcomes for them.
The times you give them all the best tools and send them on their way.
The things we want them to learn but the heartbreak we wish they didn't have to face.
The things you don't want handed to them so they can learn for themselves.
The triumphs that feel so wonderful because they had to work SO hard for it.

Some people say hope for the best but prepare for the worst. There is no real preparation in parenting. You can stock pile baby items, you can read books and attend classes but nothing can prepare you for the growth and changes they will endure.

All you can do really is hope for the best.

Blog Party Contest Winners and Answers

2007-03-12T06:05:00.000-07:00

WHEW! What a PART-Y! That was. Thanks to everyone that stopped on by.

Monday's contest was to ask Jeff the best question in the "how would a man vs. wo

man answer that question" contest. (The answers to that are posted at the bottom- Jeff thanks you all for some fun questions)

Monday's Winner is Jami for asking the question that (PER JEFF) made Jeff get in touch with his feminine side.

Tuesday's Contest was merely a "Lucky Number" comment winner. I pulled the numbers at noon the following day.

Tuesday's Winner is Lucky #9 - Alpha Dude

Wednesday's Contest was another "Lucky Number" comment winner.

Wednesday's Winner is Lucky #8- (My Lovely) M

Thursday's Contest was given to the most fun hilarious/odd/unique comment shared about themselves.

Thursday's Winner was hard....we're all fairly OCD aren't we? Honestly it came down to Heather and her not being naked in front of the dog and Kimberly and her inability to handle/wash and keep dirty dish cloths.

The winner was Kimberly and simply because the more people I told the more they said "What the #(*&@#(*@? Really?" and the more I laughed. That's a real live QUIRK right there people.

Friday I only posted videos of my gorgeous miracle. Originally I was going to pick a lucky number winner but not many replies. So what I did was list everyone that left comments during this week. Then I picked a random winner.

Friday's Winner was Bethany.

Now....the answers to Monday's "Ask Jeff on Mars vs. Venus".

Jami asks: (and the profile is not public hope you come back to claim your prize)

Ask Jeff what strength does he feel more women have than men. What feminine fortitude has he witnessed and appreciated

Jeff’s Response: What have I witnessed is a ton just by being married to you. The greatest example though; that would be my Mom. She buried a husband in her 20s, then raised 5 kids on her own til she met my Dad, marries him and has 2 MORE children and then puts up with 7 kids and my Dad for 37 years. If that’s not feminine fortitude I don’t know what is.

What STRENGTH do I think women have more than men? (As he sits quietly for about 3 minutes) I would have to say the capacity for true love, in its purest form at ANY cost. Whether it be as a partner or parent, women love with their whole hearts almost all the time. It’s quite amazing to witness actually. I think us men get a taste of it as Fathers but as partners, women are much more capable of unconditional love. Men are either unaware of how to experience it or we just have more insecurity and hang-ups that keep us from experiencing it. In my opinion anyway, people might disagree with me.

Bethany asks: Tell me your views on a woman as president. No particular woman just women in general

Jeff’s Response: Do I have to answer this? Cuz I really just want to say “no comment”. Ok, fine. Here’s what I think. I’m a believer in the best candidate for the job and that’s my “PC safe” answer. If that means a woman OVER a man, so be it. Would I ever vote for a woman? If I thought she was the better candidate, yes. Do I believe women might make good presidents? I think women lack the “killer” gene to make the tough decisions like bombing someone or war; decisions where people are going to have to die. I think when it’s time to make those decisions women would struggle with them because they are much more in touch with their emotions. However, in the “cleaning things up and getting organized” clearly MEN haven’t been doing a bang up job so maybe a woman is better suited for that part of the job. EVERY candidate man or woman is going to have strengths and weaknesses. Do I think a woman will be elected in say, the next 5 elections (so what’s that 18 years)? Probably not and mostly because I think people are too afraid of change. Personally though, no offense but if we tried something we were afraid of and it didn’t’ work…do you HONESTLY think a woman could screw up the country any more than the men already have?

CPA Mom Asks: Ask Jeff why men must spend so long in the bathroom, with reading material, when women use the bathroom just for the purpose intended and get the f*** out. Thank you.

Jeff’s Response: I have no idea. Mostly because we have one bathroom here and I don’t get that luxury of hanging out in the bathroom. My Dad did though. He would read whole chapters in their master bath. Why? Probably to get away from the 7 kids running wild through the house. Also, men are just full of shit. We are. Our dumpers are HUGE compared to a woman’s and honestly it just takes longer so why not kill the time while you’re in there. I don’t do it now but if we had 2 bathrooms, I probably would.

Kimberly asks: I would ask his opinion about "affirmative action" type hiring procedures that require companies to hire a certain percentage of women, etc

Jeff’s Response: This is a lot like the presidential question too. I think regardless of gender, the best candidate for a job should be the one to get it. I respect women and what they are capable of and do believe they should be able to pursue anything a man does. I think in theory it’s a great idea. However, ENFORCING it not a perfect solution to the problem.

So there you have it folks. A great week of a party. If all the WINNERS could please email me at amorrison73 at gmail dot com so I can receive your snail mail addys for prize distribution. If you would like to keep that info private and would like another winner chosen, please email me.

How about some entertainment?

2007-03-08T13:19:00.000-08:00

Since this is a party...how about some videos to make us smile.

These are Casey's first giggle fest at 5 months.
Casey and Mama having fun at 7 months.
Casey practicing feeding herself and entertaining Mama last month.

Enjoy.

First Giggle

2007-03-08T12:53:00.001-08:00

Ticklefest

2007-03-08T12:51:00.003-08:00

Yogurt Heaven

2007-03-08T12:51:00.001-08:00

CONTEST ALERT- "Quirky things about me...."

2007-03-08T05:02:00.000-08:00

Now today I just thought after all the crying we could use a little laughter. (BTW- Tues & Wed winners of my party favors were just random posters. See if I had 13 comments I put the numbers on a piece of paper and had Kyle pull one from an envelope. All prize winners will be announced on Monday) So today's blog will be like a sort of "Truth or Dare" game.

Let's all grab a drink from the bar, sit in circle, cross our legs and get started.

Today's winner will be awarded for the best "Quirky things about me" list. I know we all have quirky, OCD tendencies, silly things that other people would roll their eyes at if they saw or knew about it.

I'll start.

I have to pour milk in my coffee after my coffee is in the cup. HAVE to do it this way, of course I married a guy that feels just as strong about pouring the milk in BEFORE the coffee. Go figure.
I'm addicted to Snapped on the Oxygen channel. Not cuz I think about killing my husband or anything but because I like to see these ladies just plain done lose their minds.
If I am home, I cannot miss the FINAL puzzle on Wheel of Fortune. Call it some crazy idea about having to know if I could win the big money.
I only eat Eclipse gum. I have no idea why, I've just never even attempted to try anything new and improved.
I have the same sweater that I wear to work in 5 colors. If I could I would wear black pants with one of these sweaters everyday. People at work would either think I bought the outfits that way and have no originality or they are going to think I'm color blind and therefore EVERYTHING goes with black pants.
I'm just 2 pairs of boxer shorts and a baseball hat away from being a cross dresser. 90% of the clothes I wear to the gym or to run errands on the weekends are handmedowns from my husband. I do not own any cute women "track suits". Not one. Plus my gym shoes, they're mens...I might need to seek counseling on this issue.
I kiss my kids the same amount each and every night before they go to bed. Once for being my child, once because I love them, once for letting me be their Mom and once more because I can. If I don't kiss them each 4 times, I will go into their rooms and kiss them the amount needed before I go to bed myself.
I keep EVERY SINGLE grocery store, target, walmart type bag I receive. Sometimes I place them all into bigger Target or Walmart type of bags. I probably have 10,000 in my house right now. I use them for so much. I keep 2 in my work tote at all times. I wrap wet umbrellas in them, wet shoes, wet gloves or if I need to bring something home from work. I also wrap my tupperware in them for transporting my lunch to work, this way if the top blows off, I don't have food all over my bag. If I find that Jeff threw one or two away from a recent trip to the store, I obsess about it for HOURS.
I'm petrified of clowns. There is a movie coming out about Mary-something or other. Some horror flick but they show her dolls coming to life and one is a clown and I actually screamed out loud in the daylight when I saw it. (Kyle laughed hysterically at me)
My biggest fear involving death; I'm afraid I'm going to die choking on a bone of some sort, hence the reason for my obsession with boneless chicken breast, boneless pork chops..etc.

So there...YOUR TURN!

They can be funny, unique, silly or whatever.

The list that stands outs the most for whatever reason will be today's party favor winner.

GOOD LUCK!

P.S. For my regular readers, here's some Angie and the PFD Group tidbits

A) I've started my weight loss blog again. Check it out over there are the right. Going to start adding WW recipes that get the seal of approval for the menfolk at home.
B) Jeff got a "Recognizing You" award from work. $150 can be split up to a gazillion different places on gift cards.
C) Kelly saw her endocrinologist on Wed and sees her oncologist tonight so nothing new yet.
D) Today is Day 4 of the No BOTTLE watch for Miss Casey June. Finally...now if only I could break her of the pacifier. Truth be told with us going out of town, then her getting sick, Monday was the first go of the bottle and once that is worked well 2 weeks will I start with the pacifier.

From Teen To Toddler Part 2

2007-03-07T05:56:00.000-08:00

(I apologize in advance. I thought I had found a good place to break but this is probably long too. If you're visiting for the first time, Part 1 of the story is yesterday's post so start there.)

From Teen To Toddler: The Full Circle of a Journey Home

By Angie Morrison

I hadn't been on prescription birth control for years due to it elevating my blood pressure so my cycles tended to be very irregular. In order to at least help us "narrow" down the window a bit we bought an ovulation predictor kit test for November. We waited for the indication that I might be ovulating and hoped for the best.

It was at the end of November that I became nauseous on my train commute home. Jeff was out of town and I didn’t want to test, I seriously thought I was getting the flu. Just for my own peace of mind, I stopped at the drugstore on my way home and picked up a home pregnancy test. We were trying to conceive. We’ll need it eventually, right? The mind has a wonderful way of convincing itself of anything.

I sat that test on the bathroom counter and stared at it for about an hour wanting to take the test, knowing that Jeff would be disappointed if I did. I finally gave in and took it. I waited until the test was ready. The digital readout was clear. Very, very clear. "Pregnant". I was pregnant; again. Truthfully I hadn’t gotten used to the idea of trying since it was only a month ago that I had my last period. Is this even possible?

I tried to get in touch with Jeff. After calling our friends and then his cell phone, he finally answered on the 2nd call. He was a bit irritated because I was interrupting a poker game but I couldn't wait to tell him. I thought he would be upset if he knew I took the test without him. It wasn't one of our most stellar "on the same page" moments. We often joke about how he wished I'd waited until he got home. I still think he'd been mad if he’d known that I’d tested without him. I often wonder if we'll still be having this argument when we're 80 but whatever we thought about it at the time didn't matter. I was pregnant and we were going to have a baby.

I'd like to say my pregnancy was uneventful but it wasn't. Just like with Kyle the hormones raged, I was always exhausted, the morning sickness was more like "all day sickness". I woke Jeff every morning at 5am throwing up nothing but stomach bile. I was miserable. Miserable but thrilled. Jeff and Kyle both got used to my moodiness and learned to navigate AROUND me very well.

At night when things were quiet and Kyle was in bed, I would often lie in bed and rub my belly. Sometimes I would play the baby music. Usually at some point Jeff would sit by me and we'd talk. We agreed not to find out the gender of the baby. Actually I agreed to Jeff's pleading. I was dying to know but Jeff was adamant about getting his way with this "one" thing; so I agreed. Men really get the short end of a pregnancy; they get many of the problematic things without any of the honor of carrying the baby. We talked about names, things we couldn't wait for, wondering what our baby might look like. Fun things. However, pregnancy hormones are funny things. I was always paranoid. Would things be ok? What if something went wrong?

Many times my thoughts went to Kyle. Would we be good parents to both of them? Would he feel lost in the shuffle? How in the world could I possibly love THIS child as much I loved Kyle? What if this child sees some favoritism towards Kyle? Somehow deep in my mind I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea that I could love them both equally.

Before I had time to torture myself for a full 40-week pregnancy, I failed my glucose test for gestational diabetes so I had to take the three-hour test to be sure. It was at an appointment a week later with my sisters and husband that I was told I had passed that test but that my blood pressure was elevated. Elevated enough to be put on modified bed rest and do a urine collection. What should have been a pleasant doctor visit having my sisters hear the heartbeat for the first time turned out to be a scary day.

The next 2 weeks went by very slow but are a blur to me as well. I spent week 29 and 30 in bed. I returned to the doctor to find that modified bed rest wasn’t helping and as of May 21, 2005 I could not return to work until after the baby. I was ordered to have steroid injections to try and speed up lung development should I deliver early. I was still months from my due date in August and all I could think was “What am I going to do until then? Can I make it all the way through? What if something bad happens to the baby?”

I had pre-eclampsia, which is a hypertensive disorder that causes high blood pressure, headaches, vision problems and severe swelling. The only cure for pre-eclampsia is to deliver the baby. It is the cause of around 15% of premature births.

We fell into that 15%. On June 3, 2005 at 11:49 p.m. Casey June was born; 2 lbs 11 ounces and 16 inches long. She was immediately handed to a neonatologist and they were trying to determine if they should move her to another hospital for her care. The only reason I can’t go into greater detail about that day is because it’s too painful for me; even now.

My pre-eclampsia kept me in bed for another 2 days being treated with Magnesium Sulfate in order to prevent me from having a seizure. I didn’t get to see my daughter until she was almost two days old. Not that I could actually “see” her because the fluid retention had caused my vision to blur to the point where I had to be 6 inches from her in order to see anything.

You can never know what it’s like as a parent to watch your tiny child be so sick and be so helpless. As parents it’s our job to protect them but what if you can’t? What if you have to depend on the medical field and all the doctors? My daughter lie in that warming unit hooked up to more tubes and machines than a dying man. She looked so frail, so sick and so small. She was fighting for her every breath.

38 days in the NICU. She spent 38 days there. For the first three weeks I couldn’t drive. My poor husband was pulling 18 hour days; sometimes not arriving home to eat until 10:30 or 11pm. How he managed to get through it is beyond me. One of the hardest parts of feeling helpless; is wanting to be in the hospital around the clock but physically not being capable. First, my health wouldn’t allow it. I was on blood pressure medication for weeks to help regulate. It took me three full weeks to get my full vision back and everything we tried to do help wasn’t allowed because I was pumping breast milk for Casey. The other part of not being able to be there around the clock was Kyle. I remembered wondering if he would feel lost in the shuffle months ago…How did my little boy feel now? I think for him it would have been easier if he’d been able to get in to see Casey. Hospital rules were PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS ONLY. No siblings, no aunts or uncles, it was terrible. I’m sure he felt very helpless. He could come up the window but not inside. There was no seating in the hall so even the times he did go he wouldn’t make it more than 20 minutes before getting upset. Eventually with a lot of prayer, medical help and love she got stronger. She got strong enough that she came home; 38 days after she was born at 4 pounds 11 ounces.

Have I said 38 days already? Some people think 5 weeks, that’s not so bad. 5 weeks of being separated from your child that doesn’t even weigh as much as a bag of chicken from the wholesale warehouse; smaller than a loaf of bread. 38 days of going to bed every night staring at an empty crib or bassinet and getting up at night to pump for a baby that is not feeding from you. It felt as though I’d dropped my child off with total strangers and told them to watch her.

To this day, Jeff and I don’t know how we made it through that time. Sometimes I wondered if Jeff and I would still be married when it was all over. I wondered if I’d screwed up Kyle psychologically beyond all recognition. There were times I wanted the boat to sink and just be done because bailing water out to simply stay afloat was beyond exhausting.

But she’d made it, and fairly healthy. She did have horrible reflux and she took medication for 3 times a day. She did initially come home on caffeine; a $250 co-pay. Talk about sticker shock! Plus there was an apnea monitor.

In time she weaned herself off everything and by her 6 month check-up in December she was drug and wire free. By her year exam the doctors marveled at her progress. She’d completely caught up developmentally and on the growth charts. She was a living miracle.

As time went on at home I began to come to grips with the fact that I did love my kids, equally; equally but different. Wondering if I’d love them the same shouldn’t have been my concern. The fact was I loved them differently for many reasons. Sure there are the obvious ones, he’s a boy; she’s a girl. He’s my first born and she’s the baby but there was so much more to it.

The periods in my life with each of my pregnancies were as different as night and day. I was young and single then older and married. I have no experience with Kyle and nearly 13 years experience by the time Casey came. Alone and afraid; then married and excited. Not that I didn't enjoy my pregnancy with Kyle; I did. I just didn't have anyone to share it with. I didn't have anyone to get excited about the kicks against my belly. I just remember feeling very alone. With Casey it was different. Jeff rubbed my tummy; he made up these ridiculous songs and sang to my belly. He got excited about all the little details and the name game was fun.

When I look at Casey I smile and I think about all the things I went through during her first few weeks. I think about nearing losing her, nearly dying myself. I know that experience created a different type of bond between us. A level Kyle will never understand. Then I look at my Kyle; growing up right before my eyes. This handsome, strong, confident, athletic, FUNNY and compassionate kid is MINE. I did this. I helped make him the person that he is as much as he made me the person I am. Back when it was just the two of us and he was my Saturday night movie and popcorn date for months on end, I never dreamed about being married and having another child. It was just me and Kyle. We were a team. That bond, Casey will never understand.

How I ever doubted how well my kids would "grow up" together, I don't know. Nearly 2 years later they are the biggest factors in each other's lives. He reads to her, teaches her things, plays with her, feeds her and snuggles her every chance she gives him. When he walks in the room she lights up, when she wakes up from a nap he's the first to want to greet her. They are brother and sister, their age difference is not important. What is important is their bond and their love for each other. Choosing to bring them both into the world, albeit on much different circumstances are some of the best things I've done. I've raised a great kid to be a great teenager and I'm about to enter the terrible twos and do it all over again.

Crazy? Maybe.

Insane? Possibly.

Brave? Not really. I'm a Mother of two kids. Their ages don't make me or them extraordinary. What's special about them is who they are individually and the bond between them I’ve helped nurture. The journey hasn't always been easy. One day it will come full circle. I'm sure there are plenty more bumps on our road. However, when I return from a quick trip to the grocery store and see my kids sleeping together in my bed ("Cuz Mom that was LIKE the only way she would lay down for a nap.") I know I've found my way home.

BLOG PARTY Tuesday- From Teen To Toddler

2007-03-06T04:50:00.000-08:00

This is a story I've been writing...really too afraid to send it to any magazines. Call it my fear of rejection. For me, I wrote it for the kids. It's long so I may have to put it up in 2 parts.

From Teen To Toddler: The Full Circle of a Journey Home
By Angie Morrison

"13 YEARS? Really? Wow, you must be brave."

That's a pretty good version of what I hear almost every time someone asks me about the age difference between my kids.

Thirteen years, two marriages. Yes sir, that's me. Brave. I never considered myself brave. From the time I was two and my Mom was pregnant with my sister I knew that I wanted to be a Mother. In my early teens, I had an ovarian cyst rupture. The doctors couldn't tell us if it would prevent me from having children. At the age of nineteen I found out the morning of my youngest sister's sixth birthday that I was going to be a Mother.

Scared that I might be forced to give up my child at nineteen I sat cautiously in the waiting room at the OB's office waiting for confirmation of the results from that morning's test. I looked over at my Mother and she just smiled. When the nurse came out and said "It's positive." We both cried. Happy tears. For as much as my Mom loved children, she knew she would love seeing me become a Mother more. I on the other hand, was happy, scared and worried. Happy because having heard only years earlier that I may not be capable of having children; I was now pregnant. Scared because while I was pregnant; I was also not naive in wondering "What if the doctors were right?" "What if I can't carry this baby?" Worried I might have a problematic pregnancy or birth but even more worried that my boyfriend at the time would abandon me. I was right about that much. I was on my own.

8 months later I delivered my son, Kyle Eric, 7 lbs, 14 oz, 21 1/2 inches after a VERY long delivery over "labor" day weekend. The world has a funny sense of humor. How could I know that would be the day that my life would forever change? The minute they placed that child onto my belly, I became a difference person. I became some one's Mother. Everything this little bundle of pink perfection would need or come to expect would come from me and me alone.

Kyle and I minutes after he was born

Thankfully, as I plunged head first into the joys of single Motherhood I had a wonderful support system. Sure my parents were worried about how I would provide for him without my college degree and what our future would hold. Without my family I don't know that I would have made it. They were an extreme help both financially and emotionally. Living at home with my Mom and siblings gave me a support system to still be an early 20-something and pretend to have a social life when I wasn't taking care of Kyle, working or sleeping. It was during this time that I met my first husband.

Falling head over heels quickly into what I thought was love I managed to tread through a brief rocky marriage wondering if I would ever have more children. Of course being as brief as it was, that didn't happen. Probably a good reason for that.

Suddenly, I was a divorced, 24 year old, single Mother. How did this happen to me? I wondered time and again if I would ever be happy in a relationship or would it always just be me and my little boy.

Christmas 1997

When they tell you the best things are "worth the wait" they aren't lying. The wait may have seemed like forever but when Kyle was nine I met my husband, Jeff. A blended family? Sure I could do this. I worried constantly about Kyle's acceptance of Jeff, Jeff's acceptance of Kyle and my ability to love them both. A year and a half later we were married with an understanding that we might NOT have any more children.

We had gone back and forth during our engagement about having children and agreed that we weren't going to do it. We had Kyle and that was enough for us. Part of that decision sat well with me. The other part of me wasn’t sure and for the longest time and strangest reasons I couldn't figure out WHY I teetered between the two. It didn't take me long to figure it out.

Part of the reason I WAS ok with it; Kyle had just turned 11. Having another child now would mean being up half the night, late night feedings, endless well baby visits to the doctor, worrying over the slightest fever, potty training. It would mean STARTING ALL OVER. Was I nuts? I had to be. That was the only logical answer. I'm sure my older co-workers thought I was just that.

In my eyes, I was about to turn 32 so my childbearing years were hardly over but at the same time my son was 11. Why would I want to start at the beginning?

The other part of me realized that if Jeff and I had to come to this decision, we probably wouldn't change our minds. That meant that YES, my childbearing years were over. I had one son. One son that I absolutely adored, one precious perfect little baby I'd brought into this world.

This creature had made me the person I was today. Had it not been for him I wouldn't have been the person that Jeff had fallen in love with. I would have been someone entirely different. I was Kyle's Mother. That meant everything to me but the finality of the decision frightened me.

The next fall brought Kyle starting 5th grade, turning 12 and our first anniversary in October 2004. It was at our first anniversary dinner that Jeff looked across the table from me and said "I think we should have a baby." Excuse me? Did I hear you correctly?

After being "blessed" with ONLY Kyle, agreeing that we wouldn't become one of those couples frantically trying to conceive and being disappointed month after month we would just be grateful that we had our one healthy son, we were now staring down the barrel of possibly starting over.

This photo was taken 3 days after we decided to try and get pregnant.

I was good at starting over. Left pregnant at 19, divorced at 24, remarried at 30. I could do this, right? At least this time around I had a husband that wanted to have a child with me, right? This time I was older, wiser and more prepared for what second time motherhood would bring me, right? This time there would be no surprises, right? Boy was I wrong!

End of Part 1

**Stay tuned where Wednesday will bring Part 2 of From Teen To Toddler: The Full Circle of a Journey Home

*****$$$$$***** Also for those of you that didn't read yesterday's second post. It's down below. Read it and enter for a chance to win a prize!*****$$$$$*****

BLOG PARTY MONDAY- Give Credit Where Credit is Due

2007-03-05T10:17:00.001-08:00

I can't take credit for this Angie at Bigredcouch (over there on my blog watch for some reason the HTML code isn't working for her link) posted recently about a discussion she had with her husband about being ill and pregnancy.

After reading the post, it was with great focus I used this during one of my "Can I ask you a question?" times with my husband. See we don't really watch ALL that much TV during the week so on our nights off we like to pretend we actually LIKE spending time together and will either read to each other, play cribbage or just listen to music and talk. All of these require the TV being OFF. It really is a good way to connect with your spouse (and ya know avoid cleaning the bathroom or starting laundry but whatever.)

Anyway, I says to the husband. "Honey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure honey, YOU can ask whatever you like. It's the weird ass freaks that scare me when they utter those words to me."

"Well even though I know you clearly had to watch me physically go through pregnancy, would you ever say you went through it everyday, SAME AS ME."

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (actually it was a lot longer laugh than that..it lasted about 3 mins but you get the idea)

"OH GOD NO. First of all, I like it when you aren't shooting daggers at me from your eyes. Secondly, it's not true."

"Ok...."

"Well I wasn't the one up at 5am every morning throwing up, I wasn't the one with aches, pains, growing boobage, leaking boobage, emotional roller coasters. I wasn' t the one that was nauseous and sick to my stomach falling asleep at 8:30 every night. I mean it was rough on me but I didn't go through it SAME as you, I went through it WITH you. But that still not even a fair comparison. I mean Erik and I have talked about this. He said "You'll never feel more helpless and he was right. As the man, we want to fix it so you aren't so sick or miserable but we can't."

"Most men are fixers. That's true."

"Yeah we don't get the whole you're just talking to vent, you don't really want us to try and fix it thing. Well I DO NOW but it took me 5 years to get it. I guess for me and I get teased about it sometimes. Men in general lack the sensitivity thing that women have. If Erik or Dave ever said that to me about their wives and the pregnancies I would laugh at them. OUT LOUD even because soooo not true. I think men today are so different from our own Fathers that we'd like to THINK we do a lot comparatively but we don't go through it SAME as you. That's why women have the babies cuz men couldn't do it."

"That's so on too. Our Dads might not have even been in the hospital when we were born, let alone the same room. I think men do feel like they should get some credit for being there but sometimes a man takes it too far by trying to belittle the woman's role in it all."

"See and not me. I've never known someone to have a horrible pregnancy; my sisters, all easy. It was very hard to navigate around you and your mood swings sometimes, but I got used to it. What bothered me most was that I couldn't do a thing to make it easier for you physically. I had a new found respect watching you carry our child because I know NOW that I couldn't do it."

"Right and that's where I give men credit. You go through a lot navigating; good word by the way around us during that time. You do do things to be involved, which some men still won't do and I know you missed ME, because quite frankly I missed me. I know it wasn't easy but you did do a good job of it."

"Thanks Honey. It wasn't the easiest thing but she was so worth it in the end. I think too that men vs. women and the sensitivity thing, sometimes I'll say things and then I hear them out loud and I think...holy shit did I just say that out loud. She's gonna throw something at me. Because if I heard one of my friends say it out loud I would LAUGH and think DUMBASS. Women are much better at the sensitivity thing. See Dave could call me up and ask me a really personal question and I'll just be logical and tell it to him like it is. Whereas a woman thinks about whether what she's going to say to her friend is going to hurt her in some way. Then I talk to you and try to answer a question like that and the man vs. woman thing never plays into it. I don't shift so what I think I'm answering in a purely logical sense comes from my mouth and gets perceived by you as insensitive. I don't think about how it must sound to you until it comes out of my mouth..and us men...we've got to figure out a way to think about that BEFORE we get the..."You insensitive ASS" look. Really it's a penis thing. Men and women are just wired different. So just because I wouldn't say something another man might say to his wife doesn't mean I'm MORE sensitive than he is..it just means I've found a better way to remove being a...well a M-A-N about it so I don't get the LOOK, I really hate the look have I mentioned that?I haven't gotten it in a while, which to me means I'm doing something right...but the LOOK frightens me. It gives me nightmares. I work really hard sometimes to avoid THE LOOK."

"LOL, ok, ok. I get it. But you're onto something...what you perceive as logical sounds like complete insensitivity to a woman. That still doesn't mean you should say some of the things you do."

"Well that's where the MAN part of it factors in. We don't know that. This guy probably wasn't literal about "the SAME as her"...he's just saying he was there dealing with all the icky parts a partner has to go through with the wife that's pregnant and he wants a little credit for that."

"Maybe...I know you're right about one thing. Men and women are wired very different."

"Well that's why we belong together. We compliment each other. You try and make us more sensitive and we try and make you less.....oh never mind I don't want the look and no matter WHAT I say right now..I'll get the look. I love you. Can I just say that again? I love you."

Sometimes I have to dig real deep to find reasons why I fell in love with him. After this conversation, it wasn't that difficult.

**So today's winner will be the person that asks Jeff his opinion on the best of another Man vs. Woman issue.**

The Party Goes All Week

2007-03-05T05:16:00.000-08:00

Here I've decided to enter into my first "blog thing-y" as my husband would call it.

Here I'm supposed to tell a little about myself and join people to join in the party.

Well, I'm Angie, 34, live in Chicago, married with 2 great kids.

My husband is a Green Bay Packer Fan the rest of my house; Bears Fan. Go figure. (Although he's trying to work on our 21 month old I think I'm going to win). How do rival fans end up married? Good question. How do rival fans cohabitate? Well we never watch the Chicago/Green Bay games in the same room. Once football season is over we're usually ok.

Me, I'm a working Mom that is usually gone from her house almost 12 hours a day. At home, I'm the main cook, the main housekeeper, the main taxi and the main caregiver to the children and quite honestly I'm not sure how I do it. Most days I struggle with the working Mom vs. Stay at home Mom. I just hate the thought of someone else caring for my daughter about 8-9 hours a day. Daughter? Yes, I said daughter. Didn't I mention I have 2 kids? I do. My son is a teenager.

WHAT?? Yes..that's right I'm 34 with a 14 yr old and an almost 2 year old. (I will cover this in my blog this week. It's really a great story and touching situation quite honestly.)

So for my regular readers, this week there will be no tid-bit-y day to day update type posts. Mostly meat and potatoes this week. Stuff I've been thinking of, stuff I've been meaning to put my thoughts down on. Stuff that is either hysterically funny or stuff that really matters to me. Either way it should be a good time...so INVITE Your friends. Come one, come all.

The "Blog Party" --------> which I've linked on the right side there suggests I put out some food out and turn up the music since I'm hosting. Figuratively that sounds like fun but since I can't see anyone to give away best costume or best LIMBO dancer...I've got to liven the party up in other ways.

So I'm going to be doing a give away daily. Ya know how you win radio contents by being "Caller 10" or "Caller 99"? Yep, that's my random way of picking winners for a few days. The other days I'll ask you to give me a question or share something about yourself in your comments and then my husband is going to judge those.

Prizes range from random gift cards, packets of cute note cards (wait people actually still put real live paper NOTES through the USPS?) to baked goods and cute photo fridge magnets. You just NEVER know what's gonna come out of the Prize Vault at PFD (PuttheFuninDysfunctional.)

So to everyone here...I say...

Let's PARTY!

Dear Universe, I would just like a TINY break

2007-03-02T11:39:00.000-08:00

Yes. My sister just called.

It's Cancer.

They tested 9 other lymph nodes and so far they were all negative, which is good news.

So now she sees the endocrinologist and oncologist next week to decide where we go from here.

So yeah...now my Father, my Mother and my sister have all been diagnosed with cancer.

What an end to a freaking week.

ON the plus side, Casey tested negative for RSV, which MAY be the tiny break I am asking for and I just don't realize it.

So yeah.

A Day in the Life of Sick Casey & Stressed Mama

2007-03-01T12:32:00.000-08:00

I believe this week's theme was SOFT for
Photo Hunt

It took me nearly all week to get it up but here it is.

I can't think of anything softer than this little hand when it reaches for mine or when it reaches out to touch my face.

So here is my SOFT

Now let's move on to my "day off" (yeah right).

It started off innocent enough considering I hadn't slept....

This is relatively happy Casey having not been awake that long she was watching a Baby Genius DVD. So I asked her to "Kiss the baby" and she did.

Within 15 minutes her fever was up and she looked very "loopy"

Then hours later and doctors and tests and prescriptions and

it's time for her breathing treatments. You can see by the

sequence below she was less than thrilled with me.

GOD DARN YOU WOMAN, I SAID STOP!

Then she relaxes a little because I promised a snack.

OK ALL DONE!

We then do a quick wardrobe change and present

said snack (behold the "NO Pudge" ice cream I mentioned yesterday)

She seems pretty content.

Even content enough to share with her brother.

Then of course the high chair meltdown and again

all we want to do is cuddle so Dad seems like a

good choice for that since I've been with Mama

ALL DAY LONG.

Tornado Thursday

2007-03-01T05:29:00.000-08:00

Well let's see.

Got into the ped at 12:15, which usually means more like 1pm but surprisingly they got us in and out by 1:15pm.

It really was a disaster. I love my doctor but the communication in that office sucks. Apparently the doctor wanted Casey to get a 2nd round of RSV shots this year. She told the nurse that handles that to contact our insurance company and get it checked out to see if they would pay for them. She never did that. What does this mean? This means Casey should have been getting shots MONTHLY since October during this flu season in order to possibly prevent EXACTLY what she has now.

They put her on her nebulizer 3 times a day for 10 days to help her breathing. I also had to take her to the hospital to have her nose and throat swabbed for RSV and strep. Depending on how those come back she'll either have to be admitted to treat the RSV or she'll get put on 2 more meds to help get her better. *Mom votes for NO hospital please.

In the meantime I get a call from Kyle's teacher that he was a little argumentative yesterday. Really? My son? I don't believe it. Could it have anything to do with the fact that we're waiting to hear whether his aunt has CANCER or not? Maybe the fact that he has had interrupted sleep all week just like Mom and Dad so he's a little overtired. How about the fact that you sent home list of his grades and it's NO wonder he was confuse about this test? MOST of this test covers 5 worksheets HE NEVER SAW while we were on vacation. YOU were supposed to provide that to him. How is he supposed to test on material he hasn't even read yet? Good question. So I'll be dealing with her again today.

Then of course there is the work issue. It's 7:40. I've been here an hour. My boss has been here 40 minutes and he's usually already come out 3 times to talk me...today..not once. Now I did hear him on the phone about a meeting from Tues that doesn't sound like it went stellar but still. Missing another day of work when your boss is already a crab=not good. So we'll see if I'm treated like the red-headed stepchild all damn day.

Moving on...we still haven't heard from Kelly's doctor, which means more than likely we won't. Not til tomorrow at her appointment to have her stitches taken out. So another sleepless night for me.

Oh yes..and of course even though we know what's wrong with Casey doesn't mean POOF she's all better. She was up and down ALL night...I slept from 9:30 til midnight. Was up til 2:30 and then slept from 2:30 til 4:30. From there Jeff took over and I'm sure it wasn't good.

Maybe next week will be better.

Wednesday Woes

2007-02-28T06:48:00.000-08:00

Today I'm blogging from home rather than being non-productive at work. (Actually I usually type my blog entries at home on word and then just post them from work with HIGH speed vs. my crappy dial up at home. I can't wait to have high speed once we move)

So today, I'm not feeling all that great. Mostly because Casey has NOT been herself since oh...last Friday. She spiked a fever on Saturday. Sunday she was whiny. Monday she was clingy and whiny. Tuesday she was just irritated. Last night..she passed out on her little nap pad thingy during Wheel of Fortune which means sometime between 6:30 and 7pm...when her normal bedtime is 8pm. By 8 she was WIDE awake..and FUSS-y.

She hasn't had much of an appetite, which is very unlike her. She didn't eat much last night for dinner. Actually the only thing she was remotely interested in was a "No Pudge" (1pt on WW) Strawberry ice cream bar. Since she saw my putting them in the freezer. Being the Mother of the Year, I gave it to her. She promptly began sharing it with her brother..but not prompt enough because that stuff melts FAST. So I put her in the high chair. She ate about 1/2 of it and then proceeded to let it melt on the tray while she whined and cried and asked for her nuk and baba....ALL NIGHT LONG (and not the fun Lionel Richie All Night Long kinda way let me tell you).

She was up and down again ALL NIGHT LONG and I have no idea what her deal is. Her cheeks are completely flushed all the time, she's got a fairly wet cough. She's got no appetite. She's run a fever on and off for 5 days. Maybe an upper respiratory infection, maybe the start of an ear infection. Maybe a slight case of RSV, which would freak me the hell out.

Anyway, here I am AGAIN at home. For my 4th day off of this very short month (but only 3 that I took because one was my "flex" day off) maybe my boss will get ticked and "let me go" with the severance package I've been dreaming of since they started cutting back last November.

The only sleep I've had was basically from 2:30am til 4:30 when all 24 lbs of her passed out sleeping on top of my chest on the couch. Then a call into my boss and a dose of cough medicine and she passed out again from 5:15 til 7am. Since then I've attempted yogurt, a banana, cereal from MY bowl (which usually works), oatmeal, an apple and even "fruit snacks". What has she eaten? Uh..nothing. She's had a small sippy cup of apple juice but that's it. After not eating last night..I'm not hopeful.

So the doctor's office switchboard opens at 9:30. At that time, she'll be dressed and ready to go, I'll be dressed and ready to go and the ped will say "Can you come at 2pm?" and I'll cry. If I sat here in my PJs and called at 9:30 she'd tell me to come RIGHT in. Murphy's law.

If you've stuck with all my own whining and dribble this far either A) you're really bored or B) you really do like hearing about my life..and this one was pretty non-funny. I just have no energy to spin any humor really.

I hope to be back to work tomorrow...so we'll see how I feel then.

What are my chances of a "come right in" and I'm back home with some sort of medicine by noon so I can attempt to feed her again and then get a nap?

Yeah, I know..pigs aren't flying outside me window.

Tuesday Tribulations

2007-02-27T06:12:00.000-08:00

I know I mentioned last week that the day of my sister’s surgery was just all out craziness.

Nothing was crazier than the ride home.

See because we were waiting SO long to see my sister, the dinner hour came and went without anyone having anything. So when I left the hospital at almost 9pm, I was hungry. With little between the hospital and the highway, what’s a girl to do? Two Words for ya, FAST FOOD. I drove through the land of over 1 BILLION served and grabbed something disgustingly greasy from the dollar menu and a coke.

As I driving and am nearly more than half way home so about 30 minutes I notice a car come flying up on my right hand side and then “float” is the only way to put it between the left lane and the middle lane behind me. I’m in the middle lane so I just keep a close eye on it. A few seconds later the car is beside me again just keeping pace with me. It’s then I realize it is an Illinois State Trooper. Another minute later the car slows down and drops behind me in my lane. Whatever. Fine. I had seen so many cars pulled over during the first half of my ride I slowed down. I was hovering right around 60mph. I was not about to get a ticket and was doing 60 LONG before this guy drops into my lane.

About a ½ mile down the road his lights go on. “He can’t possibly be pulling ME over, what did I do?” I pull over nonetheless. I lean over and roll down the window on the passenger side. “Hello Miss, we pulled you over tonight because you weren’t wearing your seat belt?”

“What? *pulling on it because I can only lean over so far to that side of the car* Sure I am, I never drive without it.”

“Oh you are? Well let me go back and check with my partner to be sure he didn’t see you JUST put it on as I was walking to your vehicle.”

*he walks away and I’m ready to just jump out of my skin*

Upon walking back up does he say he’s SORRY that he was wrong..no he says:
“Ok Ma am, well do you have your license and insurance card.”

“Here is my license but I do not have my insurance card with me. I took it to work to fax to our house insurance agent and I left it at work and I wasn’t at work today but I have the last 3. I’ve had that carrier since 2001.”

“Let me run this.” Again he walks away.

He walks back up and says “Here you are, let me check some things out.”

He then goes to the front of my car to be sure both my headlights are working I assume…or making sure my license plates match. Walks to the back of my car, looks at my plate and then walks back to the window.

Maybe assuming if I got to talking I would SOUND drunk…I don’t know but he asks:

“So where were you coming from? You’re an awfully long way from home.”

Now he acts as though I’m 100 miles from home. I’m 20 minutes from my house.

“Uh, I was at Edwards Hospital in Naperville. My sister had surgery there today at 2 and I’m just now getting home.”

“I see, I see. WHICH WAY did you come from Naperville?”

Maybe thinking I’m lying about where I came from..clearly I’m lost because I didn’t pass through a crack neighborhood or anything.

“Uh let’s see, I came out of the parking lot and turned right onto Washington St, from Washington I went left onto 75th street, then I went to a side street to go to McDonald’s. From there I went BACK to 75th street and got on 355 East to 55 North to 294 South and here I am. In 20 minutes I’ll get off at Torrence Ave. North and be home in another ¼ mile.”

CLEARLY I’m pissed and my passive-aggressive answer is pissing off Mr. State Trooper.

“Well do you realize your license tag expires on Wed?”

“I’m sorry is it March 1st already? I was unaware. Yes, I have the new sticker at HOME on the top of my fridge. I was going to put it on---on Sat..yes..Sat. would be the 24th correct?”

“Well that’s good. Now just watch your speed and be careful merging back into traffic.”

Here are just some other random ramblings:

Today is now DAY 2 of not being able to hear out my right ear.
I have come to the decision that all movies must have a real plot. I have rented a few of those movies where they are nothing more than character studies. I just get to the end of the movie and I’m irritated. My life is too complicated so I like “tidy endings”. I don’t like when movies just E-N-D. I watched one for 2 hours last night and when it was over, I wanted my 2 hours back.
I have to find an unknown amount of yardage for upholstery fabric to make new cushion covers for the couch I am getting from my Mom. Why? You ask. Because my Mother lets the dog stay in the living room and the dog chewed holes in both bills and a third on the big chair.
I’ve restarted my weight watchers and I’m grumpy from lack of being able to eat whatever I damn well please.
Lastly, diamondstripperprincess is still the high bidder on that lamp I want but her only feedback is 2 negative comments. So my evil hope is that she bails out on the lamp and the seller contacts me for my last high bid OR it gets relisted.

How sad is it that diamondstripperprincess is still bugging me on Tuesday?

Edited at 3:10pm CST

What's HYSTERICALLY funny about the cop harassment? This was like uber "nerdy" cop dude. The one that watched COPS on TV way too much and decided it didn't matter that he was a big geek and weighed about a BUCK-O-FIVE soaking wet, if they gave him a gun and a badge he'd be one of the cool kids.

Seriously, he might have been 5 foot 5 inches, 150lbs so if I'd had to get out of the car I would have been able to kick this guy's ass into next year considering I'm 5 inches taller than him and outweigh him by at least 100 lbs.

So truthfully I was more annoyed than harassed by it all cuz it was so damn laughable.

Monday Madness

2007-02-26T09:52:00.000-08:00

Has everyone lost their damn minds?

Oh..you say you never had one...or haven't had it in a long time...I get that. I live that.

My lovely friend, That Chick tells me I'm more sane than I give myself credit for. Honestly, I'm beginning to wonder about HER sanity since she said that. (No really she's a fairly sane person)

Moving on to the thing to start off my day. Actually it came from last night. Casey REFUSED and I do mean refused to behave. It took Jeff and I almost 4 hours to watch one movie.

She then refused to go to bed. Nothing I tried worked. None of my tried and true tricks got this child to even lie down and be quiet. It's been a long time since she's been high maintenance like that and I was too tired to argue..so the child ended up sleeping with me most of the night. This caused me to have a very rough morning since I was so exhausted.

Move on to my crappy downstairs neighbors that are BLARING rap music at 5am. Yes, 5am. When I didn't in turn continue with the madness and call my landlord at 5am but waited til a decent hour like 9am...his words to me "Well I can't do anything about it NOW, you should have called me then." For what exactly? For you to tell me to take a flying leap? No thanks.

Then I got to work and checked my email. I lost an ebay auction over the weekend but not because I didn't check the computer. Because I refused to pay more than $20 for an ACRYLIC butterfly lamp.

Ending price? $42.50 for an ACRYLIC lamp plus $5 in shipping. Now that tips the scales entirely too close to $50 for my liking. The only reason I was willing to go to $20-$22 for this thing was that it was the ONLY one like it out there.

This morning...I got so excited when I found another listing for one just like it. High bid right was $6.50, shipping is $5.40. I put in a max bid of $15.50 for the thing and immediately get an outbid notice.

It should just serve me right. When you get a notice and you check the bidding list and the profile name of the person that outbid you for a CHILD'S LAMP is named

diamondstripperprincess

Be afraid of what the rest of the week is going to show to you. Be very afraid.

My Sister, My Friend (and other tidbits)

2007-02-23T10:25:00.000-08:00

The day began simple enough, for the first time in forever I got a decent night sleep to MYSELF. See I slept at my Mom's. No husband snoring in my ear. No toddler crying out in the night.

So I got a good night sleep.

Upon waking up my Mother informed me that she had nothing in the house to eat and we were going out for breakfast. Then she treated me to a pedicure while she got her nails done. THEN after our relaxing morning, we headed to the hospital for our very long day.

We got the hospital around noon and after much waiting they finally took my sister in to surgery around 2:30pm. This began a VERY LONG WAIT, the doctor finally came out around 5:15pm to tell us:

That the surgery went well.
They managed to keep the vocal chord intact.
She has a 2nd scar because they couldn't use the scar from her other neck surgery.
There were "many" nodules on the thyroid.
We won't have the pathology back for a week but once we know how MANY positives we have;
We can see if she's still a candidate for radioactive iodine.
She's in recovery for at least another hour and then they'll come get us.

At 6:30 we still had not heard from anyone.

At 7pm they told us they were "cleaning a room" for her and she'd be ready to go shortly.

At 8pm they finally came to get us.

A few minutes later my sister was wheeled out. She'd never looked so pale. Suddenly I began to feel EXTREMELY MORTAL.

We got to ride the elevator with her but by the time they let us in her room to see her it was almost 8:30pm.

While standing in the hallway I realized something.

This "kid" (my sister is 30) means everything to me. She is the reason I remember who I am.

I started to cry, right there in the hallway with my Mom and Dad. My parents that have been divorced since 1978 ( I think) so nearly 30 years; they united together and both tried to comfort me as I cried.

I said it out loud "That girl in there is the reason I remember I'm me."

My Dad looked puzzled "I don't remind you of who you are?"

"Sure Dad there of course is always some identity tied to your parents but yes, SHE reminds me who I am."

Again now both my parents are looking at me as if I'm suddenly speaking in a foreign tongue.

"I DO NOT HAVE A SINGLE CHILDHOOD MEMORY WITHOUT HER IN IT."

Not one. She's the one that would go swimming with me across town, the one I stayed up nights giggling with, the one I confided all my crushes to. She is the one that used to bring me my "sick tray" (you know those old flimsy aluminum trays) with soup and crackers and a can of 7up when I would get sick. She's the voice I heard outside my hospital room door when I was delivering my son, she's the first one I called when I found out I had to deliver Casey 10 weeks early. This is MY sister. Nothing feels like it happens if I don't tell Kelly.

When they finally let us in the room, I remember thinking..."I'm not going to work tomorrow because I'm going to stay here and feed her ice chips all night if necessary."

I hugged and loved on her and she did ask for ice chips. I fed them to her. She asked me to help her put her nose ring back in, she asked me to put her toe ring back on, she whispered about her cell phone. After about 10 minutes she said "Angie, go home and see your Bubba." It was like the heavens opened up when she could actually speak above a whisper. It was so good to hear her voice. I was so relieved.

See Kyle was leaving today at noon for a 2 night snow trip. She knew if I didn't get home soon I wouldn't see him awake before he left today since I leave for work at 5am.

I said "Only if you promise to take a pain med and get some rest."

She whispered to me..."Always the big sister huh? I will."

So I left...and proceeded to try and get home by 9:30pm.

As I drove home crying and thinking about what my life would be like if at 34 or 35 I lose her to some God awful cancer that started in her thyroid and spread I couldn't help but think about how lucky I am to have a sister only 3 years younger than me. My thoughts drifted to my own kids and their nearly 13 year age difference. I thought they might not have what I did with Kelly but they still had each other and to me..that made them lucky enough in their own right.

Of course I got within 20 minutes of home and I got pulled over by a State Trooper, which was a very funny episode but I don't feel very funny now so I'll save that for another time.

For now I'll just say a little thank you that her vocal chord is intact and she came through the surgery fine. For now I'll say a few small prayers and wishes that the pathology all comes back benign because beyond that I can't think about what might happen if it's not. Not right now anyway.

And the winner is.......answers to "Ask Angie" questions

2007-02-21T20:24:00.000-08:00

I pretty much tried to answer them in the order they were on the blog.

G-Homie asks:

What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you?

The funniest thing to ever happen to me….

Well there was the time that I bought a poster that said “you have to learn to laugh at yourself” and then promptly sat on a bag of cotton candy in the car so that the bag exploded and cotton candy went everywhere and got stuck in my hair.
There would be any of the “sex” conversations with my son in his preteen years.
You could say the time my son was 4 and started screaming in the middle of the grocery store..”MY PENIS HURTS, MY PENIS HURTS!” Clearly his first woody was more memorable for his Mother than himself.
Even though it wasn’t funny at the time, there is the time I was sent a “nasty gram” ABOUT my Mother-in-law accidentally TO my Mother-in-law when I thought I was sending it to my sister. I had to call my MIL and pretend I had a virus and do damage control..and get her to delete it before she read it.

CPA Mom Asks:

What was your worst job EVER?

My worst job ever was working for what I call the 2 “time card Nazis”. Oh my word they were awful. 2 or 3 minutes would be like 15 to them. I remember only thinking I had a 45 minute lunch because they would watch me leave at 11:28 and if I wasn’t back at 12:28….instead of say 12:30. Well I was late. It was awful.

Why? Mostly because I did my job, most days I got there 10 or 15 minutes early but that never accounted for anything. If I worked 15 minutes later, that didn’t matter either. The very next time I was 2 minutes late coming back from lunch or not at my desk because I used the washroom…look out.

How many places have you lived? Places as in states, cities or residences as in the four walls. Uh, I was born in Tucson and lived in a trailer with my parents (yeah, stop the trailer trash thoughts RIGHT NOW) then we moved home and lived in a duplex in Calumet City, IL, then we moved to an apartment in Calumet Park, IL, then my parents split and I lived in an apartment in Dolton, IL, then my Mom met husband #2 and we moved to another apartment in Calumet City, IL. Then my brother came and his great grandfather bought my step-father a house for all of us to live in, again in Calumet City. That was the only “home” I’ve ever felt I had. We lived there the longest, at one point I had my own room. Then of course my Step-Dad eventually left my Mom and my Mom met a man and moved leaving me little choice but to find another place to move so I moved in with my boyfriend, which was an apartment in Lansing. Not long after we married. Not long after that we divorced and I wanted MY own place, so I moved Kyle and I to another apartment in Lansing, Il. This is the apartment I have lived in for 9 years.

So did you follow me:
2 States
5 different cities
7 different dwellings

Where is the farthest you've been from home?
As in traveling? Aruba. As in from the home my parents called home? That would be where I live now.

How many lovers have you had that have understood what makes a woman orgasm and how many have you had to fake it with?
See now this is so wrong on so many lovers. That would require me to actually give out my “magic number” and there is NO way, I’m giving that out.

So I’ll start with the bad:

SIGNIFICANT relationships that I’ve had to fake it with: 3, which really is quite sad.

Experiences where I can say “Damn that was some good lovin’”: 5

Everyone else falls somewhere in between and that’s a very large curve, let me tell you.

Is Britney insane or drunk or both? Discuss.
She’s a walking disaster. I’m not sure what she’s thinking. We all made jokes about how she married Kevin in order to have kids…and now she’s acting like she had NO time to be a 20something. She had plenty of time to party…if she’d only suggested a Winkie Wrap she might not LOOK so stupid. Clearly she is..but without her kids..there would be a lot LESS shock factor here.

Wal-mart? Evil or necessary? Both

Kellie asks:

Is there one person in your life that could be on fire and you wouldn't pee on them to put it out because of something they did to you (or a friend/family member)?

Um yeah…this question is quite hard to give the back story on. See I have a cousin that is 25 days younger than me. Growing up, he was like the brother I’d always wanted considering there was 10 years between me and my brother. Anyway, he was a fox of a 20 something. Going to college at night while working as a full time firefighter and part time police officer for 2 different towns. One night while off duty…he and our uncle (that is only 7 years older than us) were out at a bar he hooked up with some girl. They went out to her car, realized they had no condom, he went back into the bar to get one, went back out to the car, allegedly had consensual although “rough” sex with this woman, she went back in the bar for a lighter AFTER the deed was done and then some time later they went back into the bar. I saw him 2 days after and he still had a hickey the size of a golf ball on his neck from this woman. Anyway, to shorten the story my uncle works with a guy and he starts telling a story about his wife getting pulled over by cops after a night at a bar. We find out days later that this girl is married to the guy uncle works with. Apparently on her ride home, she got pulled over for weaving in traffic. What we think happened is she was about to busted for DUI since she did have a blood alcohol over the legal limit not to mention she had a few of her own love bites and is going to have to answer to her husband right? Wrong..she tells the cops she was raped and then indicates that my cousin did it. Clearly someone being held against their will would not RUN FOR THEIR LIVES should their attacker go into the bar for a condom, nor would that person RUN FOR HER LIFE when she went into the bar for a lighter and of course someone that was just raped wouldn’t WALK BACK INTO THE BAR WITH THEIR ATTACKER and play a game of pool with 2 other people, right? Well whatever happened, she indicated him, went for a rape exam and of course there’s evidence she’s had recent and fairly rough sex, not to mention the hickeys and the fact that people could identify them leaving the bar together. My cousin gets put on leave with no pay from the police department and suspended with pay from the fire department after they indicted him. 3 months into the trial proceedings my cousin claimed to me in June that he had permission to leave the state for 14 days but had to be back for a court appearance in mid-July and he would be going from Northwest Indiana to Florida to visit friends. He did make it to Kissimmee, FL and told that friend that he was then going on to Myrtle Beach to see other friends. He never made it there. He also didn’t show up for court in July. In Sept. we were notified that his car was found in a city outside the Black Hills. They found his body in October. He’d wiped out his 401k and didn’t leave a note but the gunshot wound was self-inflicted. To this day I’m fairly certain he took his life because the life he wanted, he knew with this trial, he could never have. He could never go back to the fire or police departments and felony indictment would follow him the rest of his days. So at the age of 25 he took his own life because of this skank. She is the one that could be on fire and I might throw some gas on the fire. The hardest part is..since my cousin technically jumped “bail” unless this girl ever drops the charges my Uncle is out $10,000 cash. My cousin has been dead almost 10 years now..and I weep for the life he’ll never have almost daily.

What is your dream job?

Running a small computer based business, writing a weekly advice column or something from home so I can stay home with my kids. Something that makes me feel productive and worthy; makes me a little money but allows me the time to be their Mom.

This house you posted on recently? I'm nosey...how big? granite counters? Marble floors? Carpet that costs more than my car?
Honestly, it’s nothing much. Technically it’s just a small
2 bedroom, 1 bath ranch with a full basement (where
we’re putting a 3rd bedroom for Kyle). I think it might
be 1400 or 1500 sq ft. The real highlights for me are the
2 car garage, the huge yard for the kids, the school district for Kyle, the huge clothes line and in ground pool. No granite counter tops, no marble floors. Hard wood (that needs A LOT of work) throughout and mostly area rugs 3 x5 and 5x8s. It’s our first house and it means the world to me to have.

If you were unfaithful (not saying you'd ever do that), would you confess? If I were, I would confess. I’m not sure I could be….but sometimes I see the inclination as to what drives men and women to that point. If were begging, pleading, fighting for my marriage and all my husband did was ignore me and not try to help me fix it, I’m sure I would end up searching for attention somewhere else.

Or, only if you were busted? And, would you feel guilty if you moved on from your guilt of said extra-curricular activity? Again, having been where I have….it would take a long long time for me to get over anything like that..where it didn’t haunt my every day but yes…just as I’m sure I’d be about to stop thinking about it everyday..guilt would more than likely grab hold of me.

Jes asks:
Do you suck your big toe? And if so, do you enjoy it? No I don’t. I’m not that bendy. Fairly certain with 99.9% of my being that I would NOT.

SJ asks:
If you could trade your life for someone else's life, would you?

Forever, probably not. For like a Freaky Friday short lived one week kind of thing…sure.

And who would you trade with, and why? I have no desire to cure world hunger or do much of anything ridiculously important..my ONLY motivation would be to see if people with money are really fundamentally happier than those of us without money..so I’d switch places with some stay at home of a Wall Street Banker or prominent Beverly Hills doctor. Someone that made a ton of money so I could stay home and worry about redecorating and “house staff”. Just to see what it’s really like….probably not nearly as rewarding as my crappy little life.

Rachel asks:
Do you ever question how good a mom or wife you are? Uh….EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.

If so, what aspects do you question? I believe to be a good wife and mother you have to be a well rounded person and sometimes I feel like a circle rather than a triangle. Sometimes the “Angie” side gets lost…I also question my patience with my husband…and how I feel I assume as though he knows what I’m thinking. I also carry the angel/devil on each shoulder about the working vs. staying home Mom. If I work I’m away from them 12 hours a day. If I stay home I’m taking away their financial security because we’re strapped for cash. Wash.Lather.Rinse.Repeat.

Are there any choices in life that you regret you made? Yes, I regret first allowing my first husband bullying me to allow him to adopt my son…otherwise he wouldn’t marry me. I should have seen THAT huge red flag the size of Texas for what it was. If I hadn’t allowed him to adopt Kyle I believe he might still have married me so it wouldn’t have saved me from the bitter end of marriage or the feeling of loneliness from divorce but it might have spared Kyle a little. Not to mention I wouldn’t have spent the last nearly 10 years having him in my life. After our divorce he might have gone and crawled back under the rock he originally came from. I also regret being so bitter with my Dad for nearly 10 years of my life. I feel like he and I lost so much precious time together. I regret not fighting harder to go back to school after Kyle was born. At 34 I don’t have my bachelor’s degree and sometimes I feel “stupid” because of it. I regret an abortion I had in 1995. Again another demand from the same asshole ex-husband of mine. I regret allowing him to control my life for far too long.

Frannie asks:
If you could trade lives with any blogger you "know", who would it be? I would trade with That Chick Over There because I would love to experience TWINS just for a little while. Plus Ginger her dog, is the BOMB-diggity!*

who shot JR? or who framed Roger Rabbit?
Seriously I have no idea….

*If you could change just one thing about your past, what would it be?
I regret with everything that I am….an abortion I once
had. If right here I lose a few readers that are pro-life, I am sorry. I believe in pro-life too. At 23 with no real education and no job and possibly no father for either of my kids..I though of my son’s life. The one I’d already brought into the world..and how I would provide for him if I went against my ex-husband and had that child and was all alone. I know that seems very weak to some of you, but you have no idea how emotionally fucked up my childhood, my life was…it took me MANY MANY years to overcome all those feelings and although I’m still not proud of my decision. I believe that the rest of my life would not “be” had I had that child. I believe I would have orphaned my 2 kids by the time they were 7 and 3. I believe within 3 years of having that child I might have taken my own life.

*what is your biggest secret? (not that you would tell)Oh I have one….not sure it’s something I would ever say out loud. Only one person knows about it in the whole wide world. Unfortunately we have drifted apart.

*how on earth do you have such a perfect son? seriously, I want to know.
God smiled on me for something. Really I owe a lot to my family for their support over the years. I take a lot of the credit because well he’s mine..but some people are born to be wonderful people, I believe Kyle was one of them.

*favorite tv character from your childhood.
OOOO I was in love with Shaun Cassidy from The Hardy Boys….

Vicki asks:
Tell me about your first kiss and do you still know the person? My first official kiss…from a boy I wasn’t related to. I was 4. He was my neighbor, Mark and he was 5 at the time. I still see the family around sometimes but we were never really friends in school. I did go out with his older brother briefly at one point YEARS later…

My first kiss with tongue; I was 13. His name was Matt and for many years he was a juvenile delinquent. YEARS later I see that he settled down, got married, had a child…when I went to an older neighbor’s house and she said “This is my niece and her family” and it was him in the picture.

Amy W asks:
Who is your favorite Disney Character and why? My favorite was always Pooh Bear and mostly cuz he seemed like he needed a Mother and I’m the nurturing kid.

"And it can totally be a kinky reason"(HEHE...I love that)

Sunshine asks

If you were a stripper, what "routine" would be your favorite?
hm....that's tough to say....probably MMBop by those crazy Hanson Boys...no just kidding..probably something by Prince...

What's your favorite flavor of Ben & Jerry's?I don't eat Ben and Jerry....I'm an Edy's Girl. Anything with caramel or peanut butter.

Least scary natural disaster: tornadoes, earthquakes, or hurricanes?NONE of the above. They all scare me something fierce.

If you had to give up one of your five senses, which one would you choose?Probably my sense of smell since it's half gone already...horrible sinuses.

And last but not least, my favorite hypothetical of all time: if the planet was entirely populated with women, would there still be war?
Maybe...we're all kinda bitchy at one time or another and I'm sure we'd find SOMETHING to fight about. Although without men....maybe we'd fight LESS..but yes...I still believe there would be war.

Michele_3 asks:
What is the one thing in your past you wish you knew now then you didn't know then?
I wish I had taken advantage more of my education. Looking back...it was..the most precious time of my life and I was more concerned with hanging out than school.

What did you dream of becoming when you were a little girl? Mostly, being a Mom.

Did you reach that dream? Have you seen my 2 gorgeous children...

What thing do you want people to remember most about you when you are no longer living on this earth? I hate the thought of not being here. Mostly I just want to be remembered as a good friend. Good friends make this crazy life tolerable.

Bethany asks:
Favorite food? TOMATOES...then salmon

Favorite sex position? WOOF WOOF (Did I give it away?)

Favorite food while in a sex position? um....:)

frannie says:
I totally just realized that I basically asked the same question as SJ.. sorry, I swear I didn't do it on purpose. No, prob...thought of a couple of others...

*If you had 24 hours left to live, what frivolous thing would you do?
Go to Vegas and blow it all.

*who in your life do you secretly envy? I secretly envy....a few people for very different reasons.

*If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do? Follow people around that I know didn't like me..so I could see what kind of crap they would say about me..so I could get even.

*If you were given the choice to have the ability to read people's minds, but were not able to turn the ability off (so in other words you would always know the other person's thoughts) would you take it? No....sometimes there are things we shouldn't know. There are things that shouldn't be said.

*You will be stranded on an island with all needs and stuff met-- what luxury item do you take with you? A laptop.

SOOOOO the winner is....Kellie. She asked a question that I didn't want to admit about myself. Mostly I'm a forgiving person and even though I can be hurt by people, I usually wish them well and forget about it. I don't usually wish people ill will. I thought if there was one person in my life that I would wish ill things to happen to, it would be my ex-husband. The way Kelly worded the question...made me realize I am capable of hatred and I didn't think I was. Not that this is a positive realization but it does make me realize that I have a dark side..as much as I'd like to deny it. I guess the world really is balanced..good and evil.

So Kelly is the winner...but Amy W gets a big fat runner up prize for making the Disney characters sexual....only a twisted perverted soul like myself could appreciate that...

So both Kellie and Amy email me at amorrison73 at gmail with your addresses.

Thanks for all the questions...hope you all know the rule.

"Never ask a question you don't really want the answer to."

Tomorrow is THE day

2007-02-21T13:28:00.000-08:00

I won't be around til LATE (if at all tomorrow Feb. 22nd) since my sister is having surgery to have her thyroid removed.

We're all going to hope that it's not cancer or that it hasn't spread. We also going to hope the ENT was pulling our legs and that he is a specialist when it comes to the vocal chords. Because considering the last doctor she worked with paralyzed her right vocal chord, she needs the left to be able to speak..and hearing "there is a 30% chance I could paralyze the OTHER one." is not something someone wants to hear at the ripe old age of 30.

So tomorrow I spend the day with my Mom and my sister at the hospital. Anxiously awaiting for Kelly to come out of surgery in one piece.

If I get online it'll be late after I get home.

Otherwise, everyone just say a little prayer and I'll be back around on Friday.

Ask Angie Wednedsay a "Sweepstakes" of sorts

2007-02-21T06:13:00.000-08:00

OK since I just did a 70 Things About Me Post...how much fun would it be to have a little contest today?

Today is ASK ANGIE WEDNESDAY

The Contest?

Well of the questions that get asked today...I'm going to pick a winner. The winner will get a $10-15 gift card from my "pile-o-gift" cards. See I buy $10-$15 gift cards and just have them in case I want to send a little pick me up to a friend or give a gift to a teacher. Right now I think I have Wal-Mart, Kohl's, Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts and Blockbuster. Sometimes I just collect the cards and throw $10 on them because the cards are way cute.

How do I pick the winner?

The winner will be the most interesting question asked of me....other than that I'm not sure. There are going to be a few questions and one...probably based on the way I have to answer will just STAND OUT to me. Nothing is out of bounds, it can be embarrassing, interesting, whatever..so be creative...and let's see who wins $10 or $15. So tell your friends...to come on over and ask me a question..even if they've never commented to me before...everyone can participate...

Edited at 1pm CST - I need atleast 5 participants to make this a little fun.

70 or so things about me...

2007-02-20T09:24:00.000-08:00

1.Are your parents married or divorced? Divorced. My Mom remarried in 1980 my Dad remarried in 1981. My Dad and my step-Mom are still married. My Mom? She got divorced again in 1994. Dated and lived with another man from 1995 til 2000. Then husband #3 came along in 2001 and passed away last February. She is currently with another man for the last oh…8 or 10 months. Yes you read right.

2. Are you a vegetarian? Nope

3.Do you believe in Heaven? I think I do. However if there is a hell, I’m certainly going directly there.

4 Have you ever come close to dying? Delivering Casey in June 2005. It was the scariest time in my life to think that not only was she close to not making it but that I was just as close.

5.What jewelery do you wear 24/7? I don’t wear anything 24/7. My hand swell at night so I don’t wear either my engagement or wedding band to bed. I also have an alexandrite ring on my right hand that was a first anniversary present. I have a white gold bracelet on my right hand that I do actually wear 24/7 and then I have princess cut sapphire earrings that were a gift after I had Casey.

6. Favorite time of day? In the evening, just after both the kids are asleep and I can sneak in and watch them both sleeping. Usually I either look over and smile at my husband knowing we did that..or I have time to myself to read or write.

7. Do you eat the stems of broccoli? I eat the whole piece of broccoli usually.

8. Do you wear makeup? Not much. I literally had no one to teach me how to do it all. I don’t wear much for foundation, I hardly ever wear blush/rouge and I rarely wear mascara.

9. Have you ever had plastic surgery? No but I really need to for my scar on the side of my face.

10. If you did, what would you do? Well refer to #9 but if we’re talking about someone dumping a pile of money into my checking account. Boob lift/enhancement to even them out. Tummy tuck and lipo under the chin.

11. What do you wear to bed? tshirt and shorts or pj pants.

12. Have you ever done anything illegal? Shoplifted, drank, a little drugs but all I was underage. Never much as an adult.

13. Can you roll your tongue? Yes

14. Do you tweeze your eyebrows? I’m known by my shop as Chewbacca because I’m the hairiest person alive. I go religiously every other Wednesday. I usually never miss an appointment.

15. What kind of sneakers? I wear Saucony. My Dad turned me onto them and he has diabetes so his feet are very sensitive.

16. Do you believe in abortions? I believe in the right to choose. It is not a choice I would have made when I was younger but yes speaking from experience I have considered it. I’ve considered it when both my very hard working collegiate sisters thought they might be pregnant. I don’t want to think about how I might react if it were Casey as a teenager but I think every woman has a right to decide for herself.

17. What is your hair color? I’m shades of brown. Medium to dark with a WHOLE lotta gray popping through.

18. Future child's name? I have Kyle and I have Casey. There will be no more children in my life. However, I still like the name Julia for a girl and Alex for a boy.

19. Do you snore? Yes but not as bad as much husband.

20. If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be? My #1 would be Ireland but recently Italy is ranking up there. I want to go to a country where it’s ok to take a nap in the middle of the day.

21. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Besides my husband? Uh, no22. If you won the lottery what would you do first? Take a short vacation back to Aruba with my husband while we decided what kind of house to build. Hire our builder and then go back on vacation to get away from the madness of the construction.

23. Gold or silver? I’m a silver person but usually I end up getting everything made in white gold.

24. Hamburger or hotdog? Probably hamburger with mustard.

25. If you could eat one food for the rest of your life what would it be? The only thing I can imagine never tiring of would be tomatoes but that’s not very well rounded nutritionally speaking is it?

26. City, beach, or country? In order, beach, city, country

27. What was the last thing you touched. Besides the keyboard, my pen

28. Where did you eat last? At my desk for breakfast.

29. When was the last time you cried? About an hour ago.

30. Do you read blogs? What’s a blog again? LOL

31. Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex? I did once for Halloween.

32. Have you ever been involved with the police? Besides the simple traffic accident and being stalked…none.

33. What's your favorite shampoo, conditioner and soap? I use Pantene for Women of Color exclusively for my hair. Soap..whatever is cheap.

34. Do you talk in your sleep? I don’t think so.

35. Ocean or pool? To swim, pools. Oceans are pretty to look at but too salty for me.

36. Sauna or whirlpool. Whirlpool

37. Starbucks or Krispy Kreme? For coffee? Krispy Kreme. Starbucks gives me heartburn.

38. Window seat or aisle? Aisle usually

39. Ever met anyone famous? Oprah when I was on her show. I’ve known a few athletes in my day. Nobody really important.

40. Do you feel you've had a truly successful life? Not for myself. I’ve managed to lead my life for just about everyone BUT me.

41. Do you twirl or cut your spaghetti? Cut

42. Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey? Oprah. Gotta stay faithful to the Oprah. Is Ricki even on the air anymore?

43. Basketball or football? To watch….American Football.

44. How long do your showers last? I’m in and out in less than 10 minutes.

45. Automatic or stick? Automatic need a hand free just in case for radio, holding a soda, etc.…although I know how to drive both.

46. Cake or ice cream? Usually ice cream..but I love me some chocolate cake. 4

7. Are you self conscious? My weight, my teeth, my hands…just a little ya think?

48. Have you ever drank so much you threw up? Atleast a few times…

49. Have you ever given money to a beggar? I’ve never given money but I have given food.

50. Have you ever been in love? Twice…plus my kids.

51. Where do you wish you were? Sleeping.

52. Are you wearing socks? Black nylon trouser socks
53. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? No.

54. Can you tango? No, but I wish my husband had rhythm so we could learn.

55. What was the last gift you received? I got roses on Valentine’s day from my dear husband.

56. What was the last sport you played? I played…softball at a parents vs. kids game a few years back. Otherwise I never played an organized sport.

57. What things do you spend a lot of money on? Stuff for the kids mostly. Meals. When Jeff and I get time alone I’ll think nothing of dropping $125 on dinner for the 2 of us. Mostly cuz we have appetizers, main courses, desserts and coffee to extend our meal and make the most of our time together.

58. Where do you live? About 40 miles southeast of Chicago.

59. Where were you born? Tucson, Arizona

60. Last wedding attended. Labor Day, my oldest nephew got married at the ripe old age of 23.

61. There was no 61 but I hear it's about SEX... and yes I do.

62. Favorite position? Hmm…do you really want to open up the sex talk with me? I’m a semi-reformed slut. Honestly.

63. What is your most hated food? Onions. They hate me.

64. What is your most hated pop? Mountain Dew is tied with Dr. Pepper.

65. Can you sing? I used to think so when I was younger but in reality not one note.

66. Who was the last person you instant messaged? It’s been a while. Probably That Chick – a few months ago.

67. Where was the last place you went on holiday? I just got back from Florida.

68. Favorite regular drink? Honestly, water. I love me my water, I just have to get ambitious enough to drink the required amount.

69. Favorite current song? Stupid Boy by Keith Urban

70. I will not tag anyone since I stole this from Emma.

So since I just gave you 70 things do I really need to run "Ask Angie Wednesday tomorrow?"

I will in case anyone has questions about what I put up here..how's that :)?

Onward and Upward or Laterally...whatever

2007-02-19T06:53:00.000-08:00

So in my mind (we have NO set date because of baseball) I'm moving in just about 5 months to a house, which seems like an upward to me. However, I'm sure if some people saw the house that will be mine they wouldn't think much of it. However, I think it's wonderful and am very excited.

Now last year baseball ended up late on a Sunday night the third week of July. As long as I'm out by August 1st from my apartment, things will go fine. It would be nice to have a more set "date" in my head but well..... I can't control everything. I will eventually have a date, it's just not going to happen until after we see a baseball schedule in the spring.

In the meantime I am trying to make lists of things we'll need, things we should replace, things we want to replace. Pretty much in that order too need, should replace and want to replace.

What is in those categories you ask?

Things we'd need:
Some furniture for Casey's room
Linens for Casey's room
Linens for Kyle's room
Linens for our new king size bed
Rubbermaid Storage containers

Things we should replace:
Towels (in order to match the new bathroom)
New glassware set
New pot and pan set
New laundry baskets for each room vs. only 2 rooms

Things I want to replace:
Pillows on the couch
Silverware set
Blender (for better quality)
Toaster (for better quality)
Knife set (for better quality)
Frames in the living room to better match the new colors in the living room
New alarm clock for bedroom

See you can see what kind of task this is categorizing them.

One thing at the top of the list is new linens for Casey & Kyle.

See they are both "bumping up" in bed size.

Casey is going from a crib mattress to a twin.
Kyle from a twin to a queen.

Kyle's was easy enough to find. He's asked for a black, gray and red room.

Casey's was not that easy. See the room she will be moving into was my youngest sister's and she had a black, white, hot pink with daisies decor going. The top 14 inches from the ceiling all the way around the room is hot pink with a shelf all the way around the room. The remainder of the wall is white.

I was attempting to keep the pink. IF I could find something to match it. I figured rather than make myself nutty (oh who the hell am I kidding) ok, ok, make myself MORE nutty I would just paint over the pink if I couldn't find anything to match.

Honestly I didn't have much luck...until
My Lovely M pointed out a friend of hers makes blankets.

So I wandered over to
Shannon's site only to find that she HAD to make a blanket. So let the email begin. I emailed Shannon asking for a quote and specs for a twin quilt. She gets back to me and I decide to try and find the perfect material for Casey's room.

Considering she'll have just turned 2 when we move..I didn't want a character themed room but I wanted something YOUNG and fun and fresh...WITH the pink if I could find it.

Shannon immediately started sending me links to materials. I began my own search...and what did I find?

I found THIS. This Fun Turtle print with just the right PINK. I've never been more excited about something in my life.

So now I'm on a hunt for turtle and butter fly stuff AND I get to keep the pink.

Happiness is...

2007-02-16T11:40:00.000-08:00

An unexpected 4 days of training for your husband that puts him one block from your office. Thereby allowing him to have lunch with you EVERY day for FOUR days straight.

I mean who wouldn't want to have lunch with this face everyday.

Jeff,

I am such a lucky woman to have found THE right guy for me when I met you. Everyone says it, yet it took me years to believe it. Every time I look over at you with one of our kids or you look over at me and smile and whisper "I love you" very slow so I can read your lips, I can't believe I ever doubted it.

Thank you for making this such a tolerable week but I'll miss you next week.

Love,

Your Very Grateful Wife.

Kyle lived to see another day

2007-02-15T10:57:00.000-08:00

So after the "Can I have friends over when the house is a pit?" and then the big let down from Mom...and the much anticipated "Fine, whatever." from the boy child...I wasn't sure what to expect when I got home last night.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw.

Kyle had cleaned his room, he'd picked up the living room to the best of his ability, he'd removed a few things and taken a few things down to the basement I'd been meaning to do, he ran the vacuum, taken out the garbage and dusted the TV and book shelves.

I was amazed but cautious.

"Hey Bubba, thanks for picking up. I really hope you don't think cuz you picked up it's ok to have people over tonight."

"No Mom. I'm sorry if I sounded like a spoiled brat. I know it's your night to watch LOST and I know Dad will be home tonight, which is like a miracle anyway so you guys can watch it together. I didn't think about that when Cassie asked if we could hang out."

"It's fine Bub, just try not to do the fine.whatever to me because that really irritates me."

"I know. I'm sorry. I stirred the meatballs again, they smell REALLY good."

"Yeah, we'll eat in just a few minutes."

"Oh after I hung up with you, I ran up to Walgreens I hope that's ok."

"Sure, are we out of toilet paper or something?"

"No. I wanted to get you this." as he hands me a red envelope, which is clearly a Valentine's Day card.

On the front, lots of flowers and a few butterflies.

The special bond of mother and child
Is written with love on their hearts and souls
And makes them a part of each other forever

Inside a few more flowers and butterflies.

Thank you Mom for being all that you are

Forever giving,
Forever caring,
Forever loving,

But most of all
Forever loved

Happy Valentine's Day Mom

Then my son wrote: (in very less than flattering handwriting)

"Mom, I know I tell you a lot how much I love you but I don't think you really know how much. You always say I made YOU the person you are today. You make me- ME. I'm very lucky to have you and I want you to know I don't know what I would do without you. So just in case I turn into a crab once I start high school and forget to tell you how much I love, never wonder if I still love you cuz I always will. Love, Your Bubba Kyle"

Yep, you guessed it...I had to reread the last 2 lines or so cuz my eyes were full of water.

"Oh honey, thanks."

So when Jeff gets home with a card for me and another envelope and he kind of motions for Kyle to go into the kitchen to sign it and I heard Kyle proudly say "Just sign Casey's name, I got MY own card for Mom."

Even though I got 3 cards yesterday, Kyle's was probably my favorite.

That's Right I suck at this Cool Mother crap

2007-02-14T13:01:00.000-08:00

My son calls me just a little while ago...he's home with a "snow day" and had just gotten back from sledding with friends.

He wants to know if he can have people over tonight.

Uh...no.

See we have 4 people living in a 2 bedroom apartment. We don't even have a room for the baby she sleeps in a crib in our room.

4 people in a 5 room apartment = CRAP EVERYWHERE

Throw in a vacation and everyone being sick since then..and you have ONE messy house.

So even though I feel completely justified in saying "No you cannot have a few people over to hang out tonight the house is a pit."

He gets that wounded boy sound in his voice and he's like "Ok fine. Whatever. Fine." and I feel like total crap.

When is it that I get to lay the guilt trips and make people feel bad? Cuz I remember very distinctly my Mother laying them on me in my teenager years and just when I think I can lay them on my son...he's laying them on me. Did I miss my turn? Did I step out of line? Did I miss the day they taught us to lay the guilt trips?

This isn't fair....in just a few months we'll be in the house and the kid can have a normal looking home to "hang" out at..and have friends over...but right now..our itty bitty tiny apartment just doesn't work.

This sucks..I want a do-over.

Flowers, Flowers, Favorites, Favorites A Poll ( I guess)

2007-02-14T10:33:00.000-08:00

So the DH did indeed send me flowers for the big VD.
Not that I don't appreciate them but anytime this week they are SUPER expensive.
Why not just send them to me next month on the 8th because it's your favorite number?
Why spend the ridiculous amount of money they want in order to send them TODAY?
Why? Because they made me smile and then cry when I saw the amount deducted from our checking account.

Ever the one to try and remain calm, when I met him for lunch I attempted to be very grateful, diplomatic and practical about the whole thing.

NOTICE that I said...attempted.

My first reaction was "Honey they are so overpriced this time of year. You should have only gotten 1/2 a dozen vs. a dozen."

He replies "I did. The girl told me how much a dozen was and I knew you'd kill me."

"Well I got a dozen."

"Well you shouldn't have. How much did they take?"

"$98"

"What??? Oh no."

So he calls the florist, explains what happened when he ordered them and how even though he wanted to send them it doesn't do any good if he gets in trouble with the wife for overspending, etc.

The girl gave him a confirmation number and will credit us back the difference from a dozen to a half dozen, which quite frankly I was surprised they would do it at all.

Anyway, this leads me to my question.

Some women like lilies, some like wildflowers, others like Birds of Paradise. Me, I am a giddy fool for peach roses.

SO what's your favorite flower or even your list of favorite colors?

For me I love (probably in this order):

Peach Roses
Baby Pink Roses
White Roses
Yellow Roses
Lavender Roses
Orange Roses
Bi-Colored Roses
Red Roses

But I'm also a sucker for bright colored daisies and big pink lilies.

Maybe I'm a romantic mush..but even those $9.99 bouquets from the grocery store with one rose and the rest miscellaneous fillers make me giddy.

I'm a practical person but flowers can still put a smile on my face any day. Especially a day like today when for me it's not such a significant day.

My apologies to my Weekly Blog Watch List

2007-02-14T06:12:00.001-08:00

Some time ago CPA Mom (she's adding a pass code soon so go check her out and get hooked like I did before she won't let you read her blog without a retina scan) urged us to read new blogs every week.

I immediately added a "Blog Watch" list to my main page picking 5 people to read for a week and then add to my blog roll if I liked what I read.

I had been ready to read the current members for the week of 2/5 and with vacation and work and getting back to reality, I haven't read anyone but my normal blog roll since I've been back and since it's already Wednesday I'm not going to short change those people. So Sorry....

Fattie 2 Hottie
My Little Corner of Life
Never That Easy
Pickleness
Woulda Shoulda Coulda

So I'm off to start over again on Monday 2/19 and read them for a whole week.

I encourage everyone to spread their wings and read some one you might not know or read a blog "type" (if there is such a thing) that you wouldn't. Just for fun.

Valentine's Day, so what?

2007-02-13T10:52:00.000-08:00

I was going to write this tomorrow...and then I decided I didn't want to piss on any one's picnic tomorrow.

Just because I don't really celebrate Valentine's Day...doesn't mean someone might.

See I am a hopeless romantic. I am. I love cards, flowers, candy, little heart shaped frames, stickers, pencils, etc. I love it all.

So it may come as a shock to some of you..but tomorrow holds very little "wow" factor for me.

I'm sure you all want to know why, right?

Valentine's Day of 1995 I got engaged for the first time. (Well he'd asked in January but I got a ring with the whole teddy bear holding a pillow ring attached to it, candy and rose petal proposal on Valentine's Day)

Valentine's Day of 1996 I got married for the first time. On a Wednesday, at city hall, with about a dozen of our immediate family. This was followed by a luncheon my parents paid for. This was then followed by a 2 night stay in downtown Chicago that my husband to be DID NOT WANT and only after mentioning to his secretary on Feb. 12th that he'd be "out" and she pushed for info did he say "I'm getting married" that she collected from his department and got us a gift certificate for a hotel and managed the reservations. Otherwise we would have gone home to business as usual.

Valentine's Day of 1997 my husband did not come home til after midnight. Now it was a Friday and one would think you would come home to spend your FIRST anniversary together but he did not. He thought it would be OK with me if he went out for a few drinks with the last few single guys in his office. I didn't have the energy to remind him that A) not only was he NOT single but B) it was our first anniversary.

7 weeks later a doctor found a tumor behind my ear and this began a 6 week period of doctors and tests and needles. When it was finally decided that I may have cancer and the tumor had to come out..my husband's reaction "I can't talk about this now, what's for dinner?" Finally a surgery on May 17, 1997. My husband left town on May 19th for a trip he could have rescheduled leaving me alone and unable to drive or move my neck all that much.

By July I was better and looking for a job.

2 weeks later I went to help my sister move back to college.

I arrived home a day earlier than he expected me.

I heard a message on the answering machine from his sweetie wondering where he was because "the wife" will be back tomorrow and this is our last night together.

Once I confronted him he confessed there was another girl, that he worked with her but that it was over.

For the next 3 weeks I searched for a job, an apartment and a divorce attorney because although I was convinced we should seek counseling, my husband "Didn't have the time".

After I left him on Aug. 30th 1997 I kept our original home number since it was in my name.

10 days later I got a call from the "girl." She called to apologize for the way I found out but that they were indeed still together and she was pregnant with his child.

The next day I confirmed all this once I confronted his secretary and begged her to be truthful with me. See I had only signed a 6 month lease hoping mine and Kyle's absence from the apartment would just be "too much" for him and we could work it out. Finding out he was having a child with someone else only cemented that this was going to be a much longer lease than I had originally planned.

On Oct. 1, 1997 he finally agreed to ONE counseling session.

This was where he told me he had never loved me, only married me to have an established family because the only men at his company going places seemed to be married with kids and that he saw us as nothing more than the biggest mistake he'd ever made considering he'd insisted on adopting my son, he'd now have a monthly (child support) reminder of what it cost him.

October 13, 1997 I was served divorce papers at my office.

So Valentine's Day1998 I wasn't "technically" married but I wasn't "technically" divorced either. I was separated. My Dad sent me flowers from Kyle to try and cheer me up. It didn't work.

My divorce was final March 25, 1998.

So you see...Valentine's Day although I used to enjoy it, sucks for me.

I try every year to get excited about it again since I'm happily married but it just doesn't work.

NOOOOO I WANT the change

2007-02-09T11:30:00.000-08:00

Ok now that I dumped my piggybank for my Disney trip, I've begun to save again. Only now that my husband has a job that actually pays him we can dump what I call "out of sight out of mind" money in there.

We used to drop $20 a week in there and then every 6 or 8 weeks take that to the bank and put it into a separate savings account. We have a joint savings that I can transfer money online from there to our checking and vice versa. This separate checking account isn't available online and I have no ATM card attached to it. I literally have to go to the bank to deposit or withdraw anything.

I set it up that way because if I have to think about driving to the bank to take it out, usually I think about what I need it for and whether we can survive without it.

We haven't deposited to that account in a long time and it was practically empty. What little we did have in there...well we withdrew most of that for Disney minus the minimum balance to keep the account open.

Now we're starting fresh with the attempt for us each to drop $10-$15 a week in there, plus ANY and ALL change.

So of course I run out at lunch today and while grabbing a sandwich it's $4.01. I hand the girl a $5 bill super excited that I'm about to get 99 cents to add to the piggy. Then she handed me one single dollar bill back.

"Oh no, it's ok. I want the 99 cents back."

"No, here." *shoving the bill at me*

"Really, I don't mind, I save change."

"Well you're just going to screw up my register now."

"Why? Technically you owe me 99 cents. If you give me a dollar you'll be short."

So you know what she does then...she grabs a penny from one of those "leave a penny" cups in front of the register and then hands me my dollar.

Wanna know what I did? I took the dollar and put it in my purse.

I then grabbed 2 Andes Mint by the register...for (you guessed it) a dime and THEN I handed her another $5 dollar bill.

She huffs and glares at me and starts counting aloud but to herself and I can tell she mixes up dimes and nickels.

She says "$4.90 IS YOUR CHANGE".

So she's supposed to give me $4.90 right?

I stood in the front of the store and counted. She gave me....

$4 in bills

and

$1.10 in change

So now not only do I have 2 Andes mints but I have $5.10 to throw in my piggy because if you think I walked back and told her she counted incorrectly.

SORRY wrong answer.

Am evil or what?

"Welcome Class of 2011"

2007-02-08T09:57:00.000-08:00

That is what I heard about 7 times last night.

See last night was "8th Grade Parents Night" at the high school. The NEW high school, that's almost 90 mins from where we live now.

So there I go driving all the way there to drop Casey off to my sister. Then Jeff and I arrive 10 minutes late. We apparently missed our "English" class.

They had you run through a selected schedule where you go to every department for 10 or 15 minutes where the chairperson talks about the freshman classes. They discuss the State of Illinois graduation requirements, Geneva High School's graduation requirements and most 4 year university entry requirements...and what does all this mean?

This means that Kyle has to think long and hard about COLLEGE before he's even in high school. Cuz he only needs 2 years of math to graduate but 3 to get into most colleges. He doesn't need any foreign languages to graduate but he'll need 2 years to get into college. SEE the problems?

It was fairly informative considering this is my first one in high school but they kept referring to everyone as though ALL the kids were already in the district. When I raised my hand and said "We're moving to the district." I got a lot of stares from parents and teachers and a few "You haven't moved YET, why are you here?"

WHY AM I HERE?

Uh...

This is why.....he's going to be a Freshmen and he's MY son...why do you think I'm here? I'm not a pushy parent..but I am very involved.

When I asked for a copy of the class descriptions that all the other 8 graders were provided yesterday I was informed that since I wasn't technically in the district yet I could get one at a later date.

Wait...you're telling me that my son has these big major decisions to make and everyone else has this book to decide by May 4th but you won't let him pick his classes or read that book til June after he's graduated from his other district and will give him about 2.2 minutes to decide his entire high school career. (Well not really but these people WERE INTENSE let me tell you).

Ok fine. I don't need a book.

On our way to the next class 2 Mothers walked up to Jeff and I and said "We don't think it's fair they won't give you a book. That's not very welcoming." My husband made a crack of course "Yeah...so far you 2 are our favorite people we've met."

Really people seemed very welcoming but I realized 4 things.

A) Kyle will live in the more "middle class" part of town that gets bused to this higher class school so I hope he doesn't experience any real backlash from that. I hope he won't since he's a pretty easy kid to like that plays sports but we'll see.

B) I don't really care if he does because just sitting through listening to the caliber of the education and the choices he gets to make, this play is heads and shoulders above the school he would attend if we decided not to move. The opportunity being presented to him is AMAZING.

C) My little boy is growing up. The Class of 2011 sounded so odd. 4 years is going to fly by.

D) I haven't felt it in a long time and I know it's going to be one of the largest classes in a while (which the Principal pointed out later 1992 and 1993 was an influx in births because of Desert Storm- who knew?) but again........Jeff and I are probably the youngest parents of a freshman at 34. I felt SO young at this thing. Now I realize it's a large class and what was represented last night might be 100 students..but still I was feeling way young. Maybe by the time Casey's in school other parents will be close to our age since I was 32 when I had her.

In any case....it was a long night driving back and forth...but so worth it. It also reinforced that this move, as hard as it will be...is the right one.

So what's YOUR word?

2007-02-08T09:12:00.000-08:00

I posted somewhere down there that dear husband and I had a fight and he dropped the "F" bomb on me.

CPA Mom says he's a poo-poo for that and he is. However, we drop the "F" bomb (in general) the way that most people say "hello" so it's not a - "OMG YOU JUST SAID FUCK" thing....it does still sting a bit when your spouse says "Fuck you" in a serious way to your face.

In reality it was one of those extremely tense, end of your rope, ready to kill anyone in your path kind of arguments and truthfully, I deserved something thrown at me I just wasn't expecting it to be the "F" bomb.

Another reason it wasn't all that "shock jock" for me was that my entire family has vocabulary like broken down sewage dump trucks. It's usually dirty and foul and from the gutter and like a broken dump truck usually what comes up, comes out. We try really hard to act right and be appropriate in the company of others or around the children...but anyone that knows someone in the military...they do a lot of "Yes Ma am" but a whole lot more "MF'ing" if you know what I mean. Every other word is M-fer this, M-fer that. When you grow up around that..your vocabulary ain't the best (see?)

So for those of you that don't like swearing...you should exit stage left now.

I'm gonna ask everyone..what's THAT word for you?

That word that if every flung in your direction makes you see red, makes your earlobes hot, makes you want to rip some one's face off.

For me...

If someone ever called me a C (See) U (you) N (next) T (Tuesday).

Someone ever called me a cunt to my face...they would more than likely lose a testicle...a testicle you ask? Yes..because if someone ever called me a cunt to my face you can bet it's probably a man. Most women are very bothered by that word.

Swearing in general doesn't bother me that much. Mostly cuz like I said my family can be vastly inappropriate. Thankfully my youngest sister's boyfriends haven't gone running scared from our family after family functions. She always makes us promise "to be good" whatever that means.

So what's that word for you?

"It All Started with a Mouse"

2007-02-06T11:51:00.000-08:00

That's my favorite quote/poster I saw in Disney. It was a photo of young Walt Disney walking over the land when they were building and Cinderella's Castle is almost a hologram on the top of the page with Mickey Mouse.

"It All Started with a Mouse"

Yes it did. It clearly is the most magical place on Earth. I'm a Mickey fan. Not a die hard "must.visit.Mickey and spend a small fortune EVERY year" but I love a good trip to Disney.

This wasn't the "AWWWW aren't the boys and girls cute all dressed up as Pirates or a Princess" because CLEARLY my 14 year old wasn't much interested in dressing up like Pirates of the Caribbean. That trip with the AWWW factor will more than likely come in 4 years when Kyle is about to graduate from high school and go off to college and Casey will be 6 and can ya know remember the small fortune her Dad and I shell out for the trip.

A few things come to mind for my NEXT trip.

A) I will never go and stay in the same room with other family members for a whole week.

It isn't that I don't like my family, I just need some privacy. I need to get out of the shower naked, I need my own "sitting" area when I can have control over the TV, where no one else is sleeping and I feel as though I'm intruding on their space.

For this trip it was a 2 bedroom suite that had a pullout in the "living room" area. So my parents had the king and big bathroom, my sister stayed on the pull out bed in the living room and other room with 2 queens was for me, my husband, my son and his friend, Cody. Leaving us to share a regular sized bathroom with no separate quarters for the toilet vs. the shower. So if I was in the shower and someone needed the toilet they either had to wait or use my Dad's. I just need more space.

B) Considering this was my 3rd visit, my sister's 4th and my parents 9th and 11th respectively....we did not need to go 14 hours a day.

We had a "day off" on Tuesday. Really a Day off you ask? We still walked almost 4 miles that day.This was the day my sister and husband each got a massage, people got to sleep in, we didn't go to any theme parks but still went to the Boardwalk to visit ESPN Zone and rent a surrey. Then we went to Downtown Disney for dinner and walked around some more. Whatever we needed to see...we covered plenty and then some in just about 4 to 4 1/2 days. My husband and I would much rather go a little later in the year like early Spring for a week with a 4 or 5 day park hopper pass. Visit 2 or 3 parks in 2 days, take a day off by the pool, visit 2 or 3 parks over 2 days and take a day and go to one of the water parks. Going full blast from start to finish is too exhausting and my Dad didn't get a nap on Monday when he did and he was really crabby, admittedly but SERIOUSLY we don't need to go at that pace the next time.

NOW A & B lead me to C (which is quite a sad but necessary realization)

C) My father can NOT pay for 90% of the trip. I feel as though any suggestion to deviate from his itinerary comes as an insult to him and he feels like we're ungrateful. Even my sister pointed it out.

So I will save save save.....ask my Dad to purchase extra vacation club points for 2011 and have our own suite. Where the kids and I be away from our family. We will only purchase 4 or 5 day passes for Jeff, Casey and I. If Kyle wants to go all 7 days..he can...but I'm not doing it. If my Dad wants to go non-stop, more power to him. I want pool time, I want nap time, I want down time.

That said, here are the highlights of the trip:

Saturday

We arrived and went straight to Magic Kingdom for a lunch reservation at Crystal Palace, which was a FANTASTIC buffet with the characters. We then hit most of the good rides but Splash Mountain, which was closed and Space Mountain because the line was long and we wanted to get a good spot for the parade and fireworks at 8pm.

Rides: Pirates of the Caribbean, Haunted Mansion, Big Thunder Mountain Railroad

Sunday:

We went to Epcot in the morning and afternoon. We hit Mission Space, Test Track and Soaring before heading back to our room for a short nap. Then we went back to Magic Kingdom for dinner at the Liberty Tree Tavern an all u can eat chosen menu with characters. Then we hit Big Thunder Mt. Railroad again and Space Mountain a gazillion times.

Monday was a 14 hour day. We left at 7:30 and arrived back at 9:42pm.

In the morning we went to Animal Kingdom and hit Expedition Everest, the Safari, Dinosaur, the Expedition Trail, Primeval Whirl and the show "It's Tough to be a Bug". We had some lunch then left there and went to MGM Studios. At MGM we hit Tower of Terror and RockN' Roller Coaster about 3 times each, we did the back lot tour and Great Movie Ride before having dinner at Sci-Fi Movie Theater in cars watching old cheesy sci-fi flicks. VERY COOL! Then we hit the big rides 2 more times and headed home. My Dad wore his very expensive pedometer the whole week and this day we did close to 12 miles.

Tuesday was our "day off".

I slept in til 8am. Kelly had a massage at 10, Jeff was 11. We had a nice breakfast. Then around lunch time we headed to downtown Disney to eat and catch a bus to the "Boardwalk". There we walked around, hit a brewery, ESPN Zone, rented a 3 bench surrey and rode around the lagoon twice. From there we headed back to our room for a short nap and I actually read. Then we headed to Downtown Disney to Raglan Road (this amazing little Irish Pub) for dinner. Have I mentioned how AMAZING the Disney Dining plan is? IT's great. We walked around and kind of shopped and then headed back.

Wednesday

This was by far my FAVORITE DAY. We had a tour with Dolphins in the Depth at Epcot. You get a private tour of "The Seas" and you get to interact with the dolphins. Greatest things...all the money goes to their conservatory to take care of them and they only take tours up to 14 a day...so with our group of 7....we were the only ones. This was an amazing thing and I managed to get into the wetsuit without much trouble. (I'll post pictures below) Then we had lunch at The Land, another ride on Soaring and Test Track then off to the World Showcase. After that long walk we had dinner in "Mexico" and waited for the fireworks there at 9pm.

Thursday was our warmest day at 78 degrees or so.

This was a "split" day. We headed to Animal Kingdom to hit Everest and the safari again. Then we did the Rapids ride and got pretty wet. Actually Jeff was SOAKED. From there we headed back to Magic Kingdom to ride Splash Mountain, walk through the Castle and Space Mountain again. My Dad decided not to stay in favor of a nap so the boys stayed and came back on their own. From there we headed to the very elite restaurant on the 15th floor of the Contemporary Resort, California Grille. Very upscale, good food but not much for a beer selection and they didn't enforce their dress code so it took something away from it. In my opinion. The best thing by far was that we were still there when Magic Kingdom started their "Pirates and Princess" private party fireworks. So for the 3rd time in a week we saw the most magical fireworks. This time from the observation desk outside. It was fabu.

Friday was our last full day there

We headed to MGM to attempt to see the Stunt Show since it was closed all week. Despite some rain they performed. We also hit Tower of Terror and RockN' Roller Coaster about 3-4 more times EACH. We also saw the Indiana Jones Stunt Show and rode on Star Tours. From there we headed to Downtown Disney to SHOP. Considering my laundry list of people I wanted to buy for...I didn't spend all that much. Then we gave the boys some money and cut them loose. They went to Wolfgang Puck's Express for pizza and then headed to DisneyQuest. There they met 2 girls from Boston. The adults headed to Captain Jack's restaurant and ate, drank and were merry for Jeff's b-day. Since we were out of meal plans at this point we paid cash for this dinner. We spent on ONE dinner MORE than we paid for ONE full 7 day meal plan. UNREAL....but oh so good and worth it. We tried to go back to the room and have some fun but everyone was really tired and not so jolly anymore, especially ME.

Sat we had to check out by 11am and our bus didn't come til 3pm.

We had a nice breakfast, packed and headed to downtown Disney to just kind of chill out. Kyle and Cody met up with their friends again, rented little sprite speedboats for a 1/2 hour and hung out til we had to leave.

Considering we left the gate at the airport 45 minutes late we still arrived in Chicago on time.

Funniest thing that happened: Kyle tried to get a security guy to get Jeff and I to stop kissing in line on Space Mountain. After much grilling of Kyle the guy said "they're your parents, they are the boss so I'm gonna give them this switch pass and they can go in the express line and ride OVER AND OVER AGAIN without you so you don't have to watch them kiss ok?" So we did..once and then I let Kyle and Cody ride a few times.

Best Memory....

Right Here:

Random Other things....

2007-02-06T11:28:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure how this "stew" of things is going to spill from my head..so here it goes:

Jeff and I were together 5 years on January 26th. See a few posts down that I'm just too lazy to link everyone to. We spent the day driving to Green Bay, WI to drop off our daughter. Only to find out once we arrived BACK in Chicago at 5pm that Jeff had managed to give our overnight bag to his parents. This shouldn't seem like such a big deal right? Except that in total there was about $40 worth of toiletries for the trip AND our camera. Now we don't have a back up and I certainly didn't have $200 to go shell out for another crap digital...
Which leads me to the next fact....we have no "us" pictures from our trip because I got tired of asking my sister to take pictures of other things for me.
This was also the worst "anniversary" of my life because once I remembered that the camera was in "the bag that ended up in your folks van" I had a meltdown. The sobbing triggered a "HOW MANY TIMES CAN I SAY I'M SORRY?" conversation from my husband, which lead to a very heated argument, which lead to a "this is your fault" from my mouth and a "fuck you" from his...it was NOT one of our finer moments.
However, the lost camera realization came just a 1/2 hour after I was told that during a 2002 surgery my sister had on her neck the doctor probably damaged one of her vocal chords because she only has one that it is working. She was also told it is more than likely she has thyroid cancer and is now scheduled for surgery on 2/22. So far they can tell that it doesn't look as if it's spread so if all goes well with the surgery she should be fine. They just want to take it out and be sure it hasn't spread to her OTHER ONLY working vocal chord.
Have I mentioned being the oldest and worrying about the others is a full time job that drains me....I feel like I worry about them like I worry about my kids..because while ON the trip my other sister calls to tell us that during her collegiate cheerleading practice...they dropped a girl on her FOUR TIMES and she may have a broken nose and a concussion. Jeez Louise, can someone cut me a tiny break?
Luckily we managed to get positive about the trip and move on.
In non-trip related news, my oldest friend called me last night to tell me that at 34 weeks pregnant she's having contractions about 8 minutes apart and they aren't stopping so her doctor feels as though she'll deliver in the next couple of days. This sparked a horrible night sleep because all I did was think of Casey and her troubled birth. I believe this scar will follow me to the ends of my days.
Jeff turned 34 while we were on our trip. Feb 2, Groundhog Day is my husband's birthday and although our trip had it's ups and downs we attempted to celebrate at dinner. Just the adults. This went over well until a 2nd heated argument between my husband and I broke out back at our hotel room...again not one of our finer moments.
We spent the ride BACK to Green Bay, WI on Sunday to pick up Casey discussing our apparent lack of communication...thankfully that talk went over very well..and we've both got some work to do.
My son is NOW taller than my 5'10" frame. We noticed this while walking through Epcot at Disney. He's only a smidgen taller than me..but he's 14. He's bound to be 6 foot 2 or 3 by the time he's down growing.
Our apartment is a pit. I mean to the point where I'm considering calling a maid/cleaning service and asking "I have dusting, cleaning, floors, cabinets, bathroom scrubbing and laundry. How much to send someone over to help me while I'm home?" and getting a quote because it's just THAT scary right now.
We also arrived home to a fun tidbit. My sitter is considering getting a job. Well wait..she's meeting with HR at the hospital TODAY to see about hours and such. This means I may have about 10 days to figure out day care. Jeff wants me to quit working now and just take care of her and figure it out once we make the move in July. I crunched the numbers..and it's doable but not smart. We'd have enough to pay the bills and put practically nothing into savings over the next few months but we wouldn't be in the red. It's something to consider. I've been working for 16 years, I've been a working Mom for 14+ years..I'm not sure I'm capable of just "quitting" a job. Being "let go" and collecting unemployment, sure. Hell even being "fired" and collecting unemployment, maybe...once my self-esteem recovered from the direct hit..but just quitting to stay home and "do nothing", which would so NOT be nothing with Casey and the house and chauffeuring Kyle...but you know what I mean.

So that's me...right now.

I will bring you the Disney 411 shortly.

My January 2007 Goal Update

2007-02-06T11:12:00.000-08:00

Well I'm back from Disney. I will say this for a trip....I forgot what it's like to get away for a full week. Relaxing and exhausting all at the same time.

I will update later when I have more time to write it all out.

First thing is a "One Month Marker" showing how I'm doing on my 2007 goals. To refresh, they were:

1) Spend more time with my family actually BEING with them-rather than observing something we are involved in.
Really working on this considering I didn't think I'd make much progress on this one with the January I had planned.

2) Try and be more patient with my husband. -

Well I worked on it...I succeeded about 70% of the time. Disney and a week in close quarters with NO FREE TIME AWAY from him? Well not so much.

3) Lose the weight- This was more like a start February kind of goal with my trip and all.

4) Drink more water- 110% I went from drinking very little to hitting 64oz a day about 6 out of 7 days for the whole month. That's great for me.

5) Get the finances in shape- Totally fell through on the "get more organized" aspect of it. Will move this to to the top of the list for this month. As for the rest...we were in DISNEY it's kinda hard..but I'm working on it.

6) Continue to keep a good mindset regarding my in laws and their indifference to my husband and our children-Still completely insecure about them but they did have Casey for a whole 8 days..and seemed to really enjoy her. Mom asked if they could have her again this summer. Jeff and I are considering it.

7) Carve out more time for myself- Working on it...success about 40% of the time. This is moving up to #2 for February.

The last one I never posted was get more organized about b-day, anniversary cards, etc. For January I was at about 70%. Feb is off to a good start and I've even purchased some of the cards I would need for March...so this is good.

Put the FUN in dysFUNctional

Sticks and Stones

Sanity Is a Luxury

Borrowed Time

In the Land of Men

This is what happens

Creative Juices? Ewww

Almost a Year in the Life

They Say The Truth Shall Set You Free

17 1/2 doctor appointments and one possible sleep study

Overwhelmed by Love

Pomp and Circumstances

Guess Who Is TWO!!!

May, May Go Away

Inquiring Minds Want To Know

A Spin on the MeMe

Stage Fright

Faith

When the phone rings

Time to make a difference

On the Same Note

The rest will just have to wait

Am I NOT a Mother?

Greetings from the "Other Side"

The Parrot has arrived

Odd One Out

My Checkbook is gonna bounce across the street

Can I make it up to you?

Inspiring

Not for the Weak of Heart

FUN MONDAY

Freaky Friday the 13th

Random Ramblings, Questions, Answers

*blow blow* IS THIS THING ON? An Interview MeMe

When life gives you lemons

Rhetorical Questions

Clueless- Party of One

Are you the hot girl?

Why is it called a "PINK" slip?

Together we can make a difference

I'm lucky sometimes that I CAN think...

A Glimpse ahead

The Times they are a Changing

Losing your job? Go shopping; you'll feel better

Waving the white flag oh.....and a pink slip

Take me

Hair 101 and Other Necessities

Spring Fever

Hope for the best, prepare for anything

Blog Party Contest Winners and Answers

How about some entertainment?

First Giggle

Ticklefest

Yogurt Heaven

CONTEST ALERT- "Quirky things about me...."

From Teen To Toddler Part 2

BLOG PARTY Tuesday- From Teen To Toddler

BLOG PARTY MONDAY- Give Credit Where Credit is Due

The Party Goes All Week

Dear Universe, I would just like a TINY break

A Day in the Life of Sick Casey & Stressed Mama

Tornado Thursday

Wednesday Woes

Tuesday Tribulations

Monday Madness

My Sister, My Friend (and other tidbits)

And the winner is.......answers to "Ask Angie" questions

Tomorrow is THE day

Ask Angie Wednedsay a "Sweepstakes" of sorts

70 or so things about me...

Onward and Upward or Laterally...whatever

Happiness is...

Kyle lived to see another day

That's Right I suck at this Cool Mother crap

Flowers, Flowers, Favorites, Favorites A Poll ( I guess)

My apologies to my Weekly Blog Watch List

Valentine's Day, so what?

NOOOOO I WANT the change

"Welcome Class of 2011"

So what's YOUR word?

blow blow IS THIS THING ON? An Interview MeMe