Hair 101 and Other Necessities

Hair 101 and other necessities is not a Daddy's First Love


Now this whole “Mommy” thing; I love it.

However, sometimes with Jeff and the “Daddy” thing, I wonder if the jury is still out on that.

Jeff is unsure of ability to be a good Daddy to a little girl.The whole baseball, football, video game, talking about girls thing with Kyle; he’s got that. No sweat.

The young princess of the house, however, has her Father totally baffled and frightened.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s got the diaper thing down to a science. Bath time, no prob. He’s even getting better at picking out outfits that ACTUALLY match, which isn’t bad considering she’ll be 2.

There is just one area he’ll totally admits scares the crap out of him.

Hair-dos. Mostly what he does is a hair–don’t but lately I’ve begun threatening him.

See my husband thinks little girls with long hair are adorable. Casey’s is finally getting fun. It’s finally getting long on top and in the back. When you pull it off her face the shorter pieces have gotten long enough that they don't just stand straight up. However, with long hair comes the responsibility to take care of it.

I keep trying to explain that to my BALD husband. He just has selective hearing or whatever. "Time? Dime? Wine? What did you say? LALALALALA I can't hear you.”

Lately when I pick Casey up from the sitter her hair is just kind of sitting in her eyes. She was bald headed for so long and then all of a sudden it was there. She hasn’t had a haircut yet. I keep saying it’s time and Jeff keeps wincing as if I’m discussing removing one of his family jewels. It’s just a haircut, right? Not to Jeff.

Since I have the luxury of leaving for work at 5am, Jeff takes Casey to daycare every morning. Can you imagine how many times a week he actually does her hair?

If you guessed 5 out of 5 please ship me any hallucinogen drugs you’re ingesting. Send them COD even because I need to be on that stuff too.

If you guessed 3 out of 5, you ‘re a "glass is half-full" kind of person, aren’t you?

If you guessed ZERO out of 5 well then you’ve met my husband.

Tuesday night was the final straw for me. I walked into our sitter and she a wad of gum stuck to the side of her hair. Not a HUGE wad you see and it was easily picked, pulled and peanut butter slid out of her hair. However, I threatened one last time.

“Either you attend Mommy’s Hair 101 tonight or she goes for a haircut this weekend.”

The look of “You Think You GOT me on that don’t you WOMAN, I’ll tell you something..ok never mind” on his face said it all.

“O-K. When?”

“Right after her tubby.” **Casey from across the living room** “TUBBY? SHOWER? WATER?” As she runs towards us trying to yank her clothes off.





20 minutes later she’s bathed, dressed in jammies and sitting on our bed.

Now for the last week or so I’ve been putting her hair in 2 mini half-pigtails.

As I begin to say “Now honey…”

He breaks in “If you think I can do that early hot school girl Brittney Spears or Princess Leia stuff….no dice my friend, she’ll have no hair left cuz I’ll end up pulling it out and then where will we BE, when our daughter is bald because you forced me to do her hair. HMMM?"

"Jeff, you must CHILL. This is not that hard. Can you count to 3?”

“Bite me.”

“Nice, nice manners. Do you want her to start saying that?”

“OK, Ok sorry.”

LOL we start laughing and then Casey starts this big phony laugh, which only made us laugh more.

I told him to get a chair. I sat her between my legs with her back to my chest and told him to stand behind me looking over me. I grabbed the comb and said “Brush once over the left ear -ONE, once from the center by her bangs- TWO and once from the right ear-THREE. Now you grab the rubber band and pull it around until it’s tight. Usually with this amount of hair 3 or 4 times is good. Then you tighten it a little and brush the bottom back hair a couple times and you’re done.”

Showing him the baby. “See? What do you think Casey?”

She reached her hand up to her head. “Pretty!”

Then I removed the rubber band and made him attempt to do it. A lot of squirming around and he never actually got it in her hair..and this is what her hair looked like.

Then I said “Now when you get comfortable with that, I’ll teach the piggies.”

He said…”Wait…is this a six week course or what? Two piggies seems way more like Hair VO5 or Hair 505 or whatever and ya know what…3 years from now; one day I’ll be finishing up her hair to drive her to daycare and she’s gonna look in the mirror and say Mommy does it better anyway, so what’s the difference?”

“The difference is you should know how to at least ATTEMPT it. What if something happens to me?”

“Well then I’ll just have to remarry someone that knows how to do hair.”

My response…

“Fine. Your grade for today D+. You know what happens when you fail hair 101, right?”

He started laughing hysterically and pointing at his BALD head and said…

“Yeah, you end up like THIS!”

Anyone want to trade husbands for a few days?

Clearly he needs some time to PERFECT the cuteness that is the

pigtails on this child.

MOMMY ROCKS!