Welcome to My Life of Organized Chaos Where Crazy Eventually Catches up to you!

3/6/07

BLOG PARTY Tuesday- From Teen To Toddler

This is a story I've been writing...really too afraid to send it to any magazines. Call it my fear of rejection. For me, I wrote it for the kids. It's long so I may have to put it up in 2 parts.


From Teen To Toddler: The Full Circle of a Journey Home
By Angie Morrison


"13 YEARS? Really? Wow, you must be brave."


That's a pretty good version of what I hear almost every time someone asks me about the age difference between my kids.


Thirteen years, two marriages. Yes sir, that's me. Brave. I never considered myself brave. From the time I was two and my Mom was pregnant with my sister I knew that I wanted to be a Mother. In my early teens, I had an ovarian cyst rupture. The doctors couldn't tell us if it would prevent me from having children. At the age of nineteen I found out the morning of my youngest sister's sixth birthday that I was going to be a Mother.

Scared that I might be forced to give up my child at nineteen I sat cautiously in the waiting room at the OB's office waiting for confirmation of the results from that morning's test. I looked over at my Mother and she just smiled. When the nurse came out and said "It's positive." We both cried. Happy tears. For as much as my Mom loved children, she knew she would love seeing me become a Mother more. I on the other hand, was happy, scared and worried. Happy because having heard only years earlier that I may not be capable of having children; I was now pregnant. Scared because while I was pregnant; I was also not naive in wondering "What if the doctors were right?" "What if I can't carry this baby?" Worried I might have a problematic pregnancy or birth but even more worried that my boyfriend at the time would abandon me. I was right about that much. I was on my own.


8 months later I delivered my son, Kyle Eric, 7 lbs, 14 oz, 21 1/2 inches after a VERY long delivery over "labor" day weekend. The world has a funny sense of humor. How could I know that would be the day that my life would forever change? The minute they placed that child onto my belly, I became a difference person. I became some one's Mother. Everything this little bundle of pink perfection would need or come to expect would come from me and me alone.

Kyle and I minutes after he was born


Thankfully, as I plunged head first into the joys of single Motherhood I had a wonderful support system. Sure my parents were worried about how I would provide for him without my college degree and what our future would hold. Without my family I don't know that I would have made it. They were an extreme help both financially and emotionally. Living at home with my Mom and siblings gave me a support system to still be an early 20-something and pretend to have a social life when I wasn't taking care of Kyle, working or sleeping. It was during this time that I met my first husband.

Falling head over heels quickly into what I thought was love I managed to tread through a brief rocky marriage wondering if I would ever have more children. Of course being as brief as it was, that didn't happen. Probably a good reason for that.

Suddenly, I was a divorced, 24 year old, single Mother. How did this happen to me? I wondered time and again if I would ever be happy in a relationship or would it always just be me and my little boy.

Christmas 1997



When they tell you the best things are "worth the wait" they aren't lying. The wait may have seemed like forever but when Kyle was nine I met my husband, Jeff. A blended family? Sure I could do this. I worried constantly about Kyle's acceptance of Jeff, Jeff's acceptance of Kyle and my ability to love them both. A year and a half later we were married with an understanding that we might NOT have any more children.

We had gone back and forth during our engagement about having children and agreed that we weren't going to do it. We had Kyle and that was enough for us. Part of that decision sat well with me. The other part of me wasn’t sure and for the longest time and strangest reasons I couldn't figure out WHY I teetered between the two. It didn't take me long to figure it out.

Part of the reason I WAS ok with it; Kyle had just turned 11. Having another child now would mean being up half the night, late night feedings, endless well baby visits to the doctor, worrying over the slightest fever, potty training. It would mean STARTING ALL OVER. Was I nuts? I had to be. That was the only logical answer. I'm sure my older co-workers thought I was just that.

In my eyes, I was about to turn 32 so my childbearing years were hardly over but at the same time my son was 11. Why would I want to start at the beginning?

The other part of me realized that if Jeff and I had to come to this decision, we probably wouldn't change our minds. That meant that YES, my childbearing years were over. I had one son. One son that I absolutely adored, one precious perfect little baby I'd brought into this world.

This creature had made me the person I was today. Had it not been for him I wouldn't have been the person that Jeff had fallen in love with. I would have been someone entirely different. I was Kyle's Mother. That meant everything to me but the finality of the decision frightened me.

The next fall brought Kyle starting 5th grade, turning 12 and our first anniversary in October 2004. It was at our first anniversary dinner that Jeff looked across the table from me and said "I think we should have a baby." Excuse me? Did I hear you correctly?

After being "blessed" with ONLY Kyle, agreeing that we wouldn't become one of those couples frantically trying to conceive and being disappointed month after month we would just be grateful that we had our one healthy son, we were now staring down the barrel of possibly starting over.

This photo was taken 3 days after we decided to try and get pregnant.




I was good at starting over. Left pregnant at 19, divorced at 24, remarried at 30. I could do this, right? At least this time around I had a husband that wanted to have a child with me, right? This time I was older, wiser and more prepared for what second time motherhood would bring me, right? This time there would be no surprises, right? Boy was I wrong!

End of Part 1

**Stay tuned where Wednesday will bring Part 2 of From Teen To Toddler: The Full Circle of a Journey Home

*****$$$$$*****
Also for those of you that didn't read yesterday's second post. It's down below. Read it and enter for a chance to win a prize!*****$$$$$*****

13 Comments:

Blogger That Chick Over There said...

Even though I know your story and even though I've seen all of these pictures I have amazing goosebumps all over my arms.

I love you. You are so amazing.

March 6, 2007 at 5:25 AM  
Blogger Sunydazy said...

Hi! Thanks for stopping by my blog. Happy Blog Party to you! It's fun getting to meet so many new people. What a story you have. Isn't it wonderful to have a true man's man for a hubby? I dearly love mine. Sounds like yours knows he's a man and lives it to the fullest. That's good. :-)

March 6, 2007 at 7:20 AM  
Blogger Jami said...

Can't wait for part 2

March 6, 2007 at 7:28 AM  
Blogger M said...

What Steph said. It's always still amazing to hear even if you know the tale.

And you people are crazy gorgeous.

March 6, 2007 at 7:47 AM  
Blogger Amy W said...

I loved reading this part of your story...I can't wait to finish it.

March 6, 2007 at 8:07 AM  
Blogger Praying for your Prodigal said...

Here by way of the Party! THE party!

So nice to "meet" you.

What an incredible story you are sharing. May I encourage you to submit this story......don't be afraid of the rejection--you are a fighter....as evidenced by your very story. As a writer myself, may I remind you...you can't be published if you don't submit! And you will never get the Yes...if you don't sort through the No's! I mean that in a very supportive and encouraging way! Go for it! You've got a story to tell my blogging friend...keep sharing it!

Can't wait for Part Two.

Diane

March 6, 2007 at 10:09 AM  
Blogger Luisa Perkins said...

Can't wait for part two of the story! I love your blog name. One of my favorite things in the whole world is when my dh gets out his guitar and sings "Brown-Eyed Girl" to me. Thanks for coming by my site; I'll see you again soon!

March 6, 2007 at 12:05 PM  
Blogger Kellie said...

I kinda have part of the story but, not really and am incredibly impatient and can't wait to read the rest.

I've said it before and I'll say it again...you are AWESOME!! I want to be you when I grow up!!

March 6, 2007 at 12:30 PM  
Blogger HeatherAnn Fragglehead said...

I think it's pretty publishable, actually. I really love the photo of you and Kyle right after his birth. It's awesome.

March 6, 2007 at 1:19 PM  
Blogger Kimberly said...

If I were flipping through a magazine I'd stop to read that. And then I'd read it again. And then I'd loan the magazine to a friend saying, "You have to read this!", and so and so forth...

Wednesday is to far away. Can I pout now?

March 6, 2007 at 1:33 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Can't wait to read part 2. What an amazing journey thus far.

March 6, 2007 at 5:03 PM  
Blogger Bethany said...

Ok. I was just at Chick's- she made me cry (talking about you) so of course I had to come over here and now you made me cry. Bitches.
I love you both.

PS. I also get the comments about the age difference in the kids. Some really delightful people ask if they have the same father. I summon up lots of righteous indignation and say, "YES, they have the same father!"
I just don't tell them they have different mothers!

March 6, 2007 at 5:15 PM  
Blogger Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

Wow. Awesome.
I read Chick's blog too.
All I can say is....Wow.

woW...backwards.

March 6, 2007 at 7:29 PM  

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