BLOG PARTY MONDAY- Give Credit Where Credit is Due

I can't take credit for this Angie at Bigredcouch (over there on my blog watch for some reason the HTML code isn't working for her link) posted recently about a discussion she had with her husband about being ill and pregnancy.

After reading the post, it was with great focus I used this during one of my "Can I ask you a question?" times with my husband. See we don't really watch ALL that much TV during the week so on our nights off we like to pretend we actually LIKE spending time together and will either read to each other, play cribbage or just listen to music and talk. All of these require the TV being OFF. It really is a good way to connect with your spouse (and ya know avoid cleaning the bathroom or starting laundry but whatever.)

Anyway, I says to the husband. "Honey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure honey, YOU can ask whatever you like. It's the weird ass freaks that scare me when they utter those words to me."

"Well even though I know you clearly had to watch me physically go through pregnancy, would you ever say you went through it everyday, SAME AS ME."

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (actually it was a lot longer laugh than that..it lasted about 3 mins but you get the idea)

"OH GOD NO. First of all, I like it when you aren't shooting daggers at me from your eyes. Secondly, it's not true."

"Ok...."

"Well I wasn't the one up at 5am every morning throwing up, I wasn't the one with aches, pains, growing boobage, leaking boobage, emotional roller coasters. I wasn' t the one that was nauseous and sick to my stomach falling asleep at 8:30 every night. I mean it was rough on me but I didn't go through it SAME as you, I went through it WITH you. But that still not even a fair comparison. I mean Erik and I have talked about this. He said "You'll never feel more helpless and he was right. As the man, we want to fix it so you aren't so sick or miserable but we can't."

"Most men are fixers. That's true."

"Yeah we don't get the whole you're just talking to vent, you don't really want us to try and fix it thing. Well I DO NOW but it took me 5 years to get it. I guess for me and I get teased about it sometimes. Men in general lack the sensitivity thing that women have. If Erik or Dave ever said that to me about their wives and the pregnancies I would laugh at them. OUT LOUD even because soooo not true. I think men today are so different from our own Fathers that we'd like to THINK we do a lot comparatively but we don't go through it SAME as you. That's why women have the babies cuz men couldn't do it."

"That's so on too. Our Dads might not have even been in the hospital when we were born, let alone the same room. I think men do feel like they should get some credit for being there but sometimes a man takes it too far by trying to belittle the woman's role in it all."

"See and not me. I've never known someone to have a horrible pregnancy; my sisters, all easy. It was very hard to navigate around you and your mood swings sometimes, but I got used to it. What bothered me most was that I couldn't do a thing to make it easier for you physically. I had a new found respect watching you carry our child because I know NOW that I couldn't do it."

"Right and that's where I give men credit. You go through a lot navigating; good word by the way around us during that time. You do do things to be involved, which some men still won't do and I know you missed ME, because quite frankly I missed me. I know it wasn't easy but you did do a good job of it."

"Thanks Honey. It wasn't the easiest thing but she was so worth it in the end. I think too that men vs. women and the sensitivity thing, sometimes I'll say things and then I hear them out loud and I think...holy shit did I just say that out loud. She's gonna throw something at me. Because if I heard one of my friends say it out loud I would LAUGH and think DUMBASS. Women are much better at the sensitivity thing. See Dave could call me up and ask me a really personal question and I'll just be logical and tell it to him like it is. Whereas a woman thinks about whether what she's going to say to her friend is going to hurt her in some way. Then I talk to you and try to answer a question like that and the man vs. woman thing never plays into it. I don't shift so what I think I'm answering in a purely logical sense comes from my mouth and gets perceived by you as insensitive. I don't think about how it must sound to you until it comes out of my mouth..and us men...we've got to figure out a way to think about that BEFORE we get the..."You insensitive ASS" look. Really it's a penis thing. Men and women are just wired different. So just because I wouldn't say something another man might say to his wife doesn't mean I'm MORE sensitive than he is..it just means I've found a better way to remove being a...well a M-A-N about it so I don't get the LOOK, I really hate the look have I mentioned that?I haven't gotten it in a while, which to me means I'm doing something right...but the LOOK frightens me. It gives me nightmares. I work really hard sometimes to avoid THE LOOK."

"LOL, ok, ok. I get it. But you're onto something...what you perceive as logical sounds like complete insensitivity to a woman. That still doesn't mean you should say some of the things you do."

"Well that's where the MAN part of it factors in. We don't know that. This guy probably wasn't literal about "the SAME as her"...he's just saying he was there dealing with all the icky parts a partner has to go through with the wife that's pregnant and he wants a little credit for that."

"Maybe...I know you're right about one thing. Men and women are wired very different."

"Well that's why we belong together. We compliment each other. You try and make us more sensitive and we try and make you less.....oh never mind I don't want the look and no matter WHAT I say right now..I'll get the look. I love you. Can I just say that again? I love you."

Sometimes I have to dig real deep to find reasons why I fell in love with him. After this conversation, it wasn't that difficult.

**So today's winner will be the person that asks Jeff his opinion on the best of another Man vs. Woman issue.**