And the winner is.......answers to "Ask Angie" questions

I pretty much tried to answer them in the order they were on the blog.

G-Homie asks:

What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you?

The funniest thing to ever happen to me….

• Well there was the time that I bought a poster that said “you have to learn to laugh at yourself” and then promptly sat on a bag of cotton candy in the car so that the bag exploded and cotton candy went everywhere and got stuck in my hair.
• There would be any of the “sex” conversations with my son in his preteen years.
• You could say the time my son was 4 and started screaming in the middle of the grocery store..”MY PENIS HURTS, MY PENIS HURTS!” Clearly his first woody was more memorable for his Mother than himself.
• Even though it wasn’t funny at the time, there is the time I was sent a “nasty gram” ABOUT my Mother-in-law accidentally TO my Mother-in-law when I thought I was sending it to my sister. I had to call my MIL and pretend I had a virus and do damage control..and get her to delete it before she read it.

CPA Mom Asks:

What was your worst job EVER?

My worst job ever was working for what I call the 2 “time card Nazis”. Oh my word they were awful. 2 or 3 minutes would be like 15 to them. I remember only thinking I had a 45 minute lunch because they would watch me leave at 11:28 and if I wasn’t back at 12:28….instead of say 12:30. Well I was late. It was awful.

Why? Mostly because I did my job, most days I got there 10 or 15 minutes early but that never accounted for anything. If I worked 15 minutes later, that didn’t matter either. The very next time I was 2 minutes late coming back from lunch or not at my desk because I used the washroom…look out.

How many places have you lived? Places as in states, cities or residences as in the four walls. Uh, I was born in Tucson and lived in a trailer with my parents (yeah, stop the trailer trash thoughts RIGHT NOW) then we moved home and lived in a duplex in Calumet City, IL, then we moved to an apartment in Calumet Park, IL, then my parents split and I lived in an apartment in Dolton, IL, then my Mom met husband #2 and we moved to another apartment in Calumet City, IL. Then my brother came and his great grandfather bought my step-father a house for all of us to live in, again in Calumet City. That was the only “home” I’ve ever felt I had. We lived there the longest, at one point I had my own room. Then of course my Step-Dad eventually left my Mom and my Mom met a man and moved leaving me little choice but to find another place to move so I moved in with my boyfriend, which was an apartment in Lansing. Not long after we married. Not long after that we divorced and I wanted MY own place, so I moved Kyle and I to another apartment in Lansing, Il. This is the apartment I have lived in for 9 years.

So did you follow me:
2 States
5 different cities
7 different dwellings

Where is the farthest you've been from home?
As in traveling? Aruba. As in from the home my parents called home? That would be where I live now.

How many lovers have you had that have understood what makes a woman orgasm and how many have you had to fake it with?
See now this is so wrong on so many lovers. That would require me to actually give out my “magic number” and there is NO way, I’m giving that out.

So I’ll start with the bad:

SIGNIFICANT relationships that I’ve had to fake it with: 3, which really is quite sad.

Experiences where I can say “Damn that was some good lovin’”: 5

Everyone else falls somewhere in between and that’s a very large curve, let me tell you.

Is Britney insane or drunk or both? Discuss.
She’s a walking disaster. I’m not sure what she’s thinking. We all made jokes about how she married Kevin in order to have kids…and now she’s acting like she had NO time to be a 20something. She had plenty of time to party…if she’d only suggested a Winkie Wrap she might not LOOK so stupid. Clearly she is..but without her kids..there would be a lot LESS shock factor here.

Wal-mart? Evil or necessary? Both

Kellie asks:

Is there one person in your life that could be on fire and you wouldn't pee on them to put it out because of something they did to you (or a friend/family member)?

Um yeah…this question is quite hard to give the back story on. See I have a cousin that is 25 days younger than me. Growing up, he was like the brother I’d always wanted considering there was 10 years between me and my brother. Anyway, he was a fox of a 20 something. Going to college at night while working as a full time firefighter and part time police officer for 2 different towns. One night while off duty…he and our uncle (that is only 7 years older than us) were out at a bar he hooked up with some girl. They went out to her car, realized they had no condom, he went back into the bar to get one, went back out to the car, allegedly had consensual although “rough” sex with this woman, she went back in the bar for a lighter AFTER the deed was done and then some time later they went back into the bar. I saw him 2 days after and he still had a hickey the size of a golf ball on his neck from this woman. Anyway, to shorten the story my uncle works with a guy and he starts telling a story about his wife getting pulled over by cops after a night at a bar. We find out days later that this girl is married to the guy uncle works with. Apparently on her ride home, she got pulled over for weaving in traffic. What we think happened is she was about to busted for DUI since she did have a blood alcohol over the legal limit not to mention she had a few of her own love bites and is going to have to answer to her husband right? Wrong..she tells the cops she was raped and then indicates that my cousin did it. Clearly someone being held against their will would not RUN FOR THEIR LIVES should their attacker go into the bar for a condom, nor would that person RUN FOR HER LIFE when she went into the bar for a lighter and of course someone that was just raped wouldn’t WALK BACK INTO THE BAR WITH THEIR ATTACKER and play a game of pool with 2 other people, right? Well whatever happened, she indicated him, went for a rape exam and of course there’s evidence she’s had recent and fairly rough sex, not to mention the hickeys and the fact that people could identify them leaving the bar together. My cousin gets put on leave with no pay from the police department and suspended with pay from the fire department after they indicted him. 3 months into the trial proceedings my cousin claimed to me in June that he had permission to leave the state for 14 days but had to be back for a court appearance in mid-July and he would be going from Northwest Indiana to Florida to visit friends. He did make it to Kissimmee, FL and told that friend that he was then going on to Myrtle Beach to see other friends. He never made it there. He also didn’t show up for court in July. In Sept. we were notified that his car was found in a city outside the Black Hills. They found his body in October. He’d wiped out his 401k and didn’t leave a note but the gunshot wound was self-inflicted. To this day I’m fairly certain he took his life because the life he wanted, he knew with this trial, he could never have. He could never go back to the fire or police departments and felony indictment would follow him the rest of his days. So at the age of 25 he took his own life because of this skank. She is the one that could be on fire and I might throw some gas on the fire. The hardest part is..since my cousin technically jumped “bail” unless this girl ever drops the charges my Uncle is out $10,000 cash. My cousin has been dead almost 10 years now..and I weep for the life he’ll never have almost daily.

What is your dream job?

Running a small computer based business, writing a weekly advice column or something from home so I can stay home with my kids. Something that makes me feel productive and worthy; makes me a little money but allows me the time to be their Mom.

This house you posted on recently? I'm nosey...how big? granite counters? Marble floors? Carpet that costs more than my car?
Honestly, it’s nothing much. Technically it’s just a small
2 bedroom, 1 bath ranch with a full basement (where
we’re putting a 3rd bedroom for Kyle). I think it might
be 1400 or 1500 sq ft. The real highlights for me are the
2 car garage, the huge yard for the kids, the school district for Kyle, the huge clothes line and in ground pool. No granite counter tops, no marble floors. Hard wood (that needs A LOT of work) throughout and mostly area rugs 3 x5 and 5x8s. It’s our first house and it means the world to me to have.

If you were unfaithful (not saying you'd ever do that), would you confess? If I were, I would confess. I’m not sure I could be….but sometimes I see the inclination as to what drives men and women to that point. If were begging, pleading, fighting for my marriage and all my husband did was ignore me and not try to help me fix it, I’m sure I would end up searching for attention somewhere else.

Or, only if you were busted? And, would you feel guilty if you moved on from your guilt of said extra-curricular activity? Again, having been where I have….it would take a long long time for me to get over anything like that..where it didn’t haunt my every day but yes…just as I’m sure I’d be about to stop thinking about it everyday..guilt would more than likely grab hold of me.

Jes asks:
Do you suck your big toe? And if so, do you enjoy it? No I don’t. I’m not that bendy. Fairly certain with 99.9% of my being that I would NOT.


SJ asks:
If you could trade your life for someone else's life, would you?

Forever, probably not. For like a Freaky Friday short lived one week kind of thing…sure.

And who would you trade with, and why? I have no desire to cure world hunger or do much of anything ridiculously important..my ONLY motivation would be to see if people with money are really fundamentally happier than those of us without money..so I’d switch places with some stay at home of a Wall Street Banker or prominent Beverly Hills doctor. Someone that made a ton of money so I could stay home and worry about redecorating and “house staff”. Just to see what it’s really like….probably not nearly as rewarding as my crappy little life.

Rachel asks:
Do you ever question how good a mom or wife you are? Uh….EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.

If so, what aspects do you question? I believe to be a good wife and mother you have to be a well rounded person and sometimes I feel like a circle rather than a triangle. Sometimes the “Angie” side gets lost…I also question my patience with my husband…and how I feel I assume as though he knows what I’m thinking. I also carry the angel/devil on each shoulder about the working vs. staying home Mom. If I work I’m away from them 12 hours a day. If I stay home I’m taking away their financial security because we’re strapped for cash. Wash.Lather.Rinse.Repeat.

Are there any choices in life that you regret you made? Yes, I regret first allowing my first husband bullying me to allow him to adopt my son…otherwise he wouldn’t marry me. I should have seen THAT huge red flag the size of Texas for what it was. If I hadn’t allowed him to adopt Kyle I believe he might still have married me so it wouldn’t have saved me from the bitter end of marriage or the feeling of loneliness from divorce but it might have spared Kyle a little. Not to mention I wouldn’t have spent the last nearly 10 years having him in my life. After our divorce he might have gone and crawled back under the rock he originally came from. I also regret being so bitter with my Dad for nearly 10 years of my life. I feel like he and I lost so much precious time together. I regret not fighting harder to go back to school after Kyle was born. At 34 I don’t have my bachelor’s degree and sometimes I feel “stupid” because of it. I regret an abortion I had in 1995. Again another demand from the same asshole ex-husband of mine. I regret allowing him to control my life for far too long.

Frannie asks:
If you could trade lives with any blogger you "know", who would it be? I would trade with That Chick Over There because I would love to experience TWINS just for a little while. Plus Ginger her dog, is the BOMB-diggity!*

who shot JR? or who framed Roger Rabbit?
Seriously I have no idea….

*If you could change just one thing about your past, what would it be?
I regret with everything that I am….an abortion I once
had. If right here I lose a few readers that are pro-life, I am sorry. I believe in pro-life too. At 23 with no real education and no job and possibly no father for either of my kids..I though of my son’s life. The one I’d already brought into the world..and how I would provide for him if I went against my ex-husband and had that child and was all alone. I know that seems very weak to some of you, but you have no idea how emotionally fucked up my childhood, my life was…it took me MANY MANY years to overcome all those feelings and although I’m still not proud of my decision. I believe that the rest of my life would not “be” had I had that child. I believe I would have orphaned my 2 kids by the time they were 7 and 3. I believe within 3 years of having that child I might have taken my own life.

*what is your biggest secret? (not that you would tell)Oh I have one….not sure it’s something I would ever say out loud. Only one person knows about it in the whole wide world. Unfortunately we have drifted apart.

*how on earth do you have such a perfect son? seriously, I want to know.
God smiled on me for something. Really I owe a lot to my family for their support over the years. I take a lot of the credit because well he’s mine..but some people are born to be wonderful people, I believe Kyle was one of them.

*favorite tv character from your childhood.
OOOO I was in love with Shaun Cassidy from The Hardy Boys….

Vicki asks:
Tell me about your first kiss and do you still know the person? My first official kiss…from a boy I wasn’t related to. I was 4. He was my neighbor, Mark and he was 5 at the time. I still see the family around sometimes but we were never really friends in school. I did go out with his older brother briefly at one point YEARS later…

My first kiss with tongue; I was 13. His name was Matt and for many years he was a juvenile delinquent. YEARS later I see that he settled down, got married, had a child…when I went to an older neighbor’s house and she said “This is my niece and her family” and it was him in the picture.

Amy W asks:
Who is your favorite Disney Character and why? My favorite was always Pooh Bear and mostly cuz he seemed like he needed a Mother and I’m the nurturing kid.

"And it can totally be a kinky reason"(HEHE...I love that)

Sunshine asks

If you were a stripper, what "routine" would be your favorite?
hm....that's tough to say....probably MMBop by those crazy Hanson Boys...no just kidding..probably something by Prince...

What's your favorite flavor of Ben & Jerry's?I don't eat Ben and Jerry....I'm an Edy's Girl. Anything with caramel or peanut butter.

Least scary natural disaster: tornadoes, earthquakes, or hurricanes?NONE of the above. They all scare me something fierce.

If you had to give up one of your five senses, which one would you choose?Probably my sense of smell since it's half gone already...horrible sinuses.

And last but not least, my favorite hypothetical of all time: if the planet was entirely populated with women, would there still be war?
Maybe...we're all kinda bitchy at one time or another and I'm sure we'd find SOMETHING to fight about. Although without men....maybe we'd fight LESS..but yes...I still believe there would be war.

Michele_3 asks:
What is the one thing in your past you wish you knew now then you didn't know then?
I wish I had taken advantage more of my education. Looking back...it was..the most precious time of my life and I was more concerned with hanging out than school.

What did you dream of becoming when you were a little girl? Mostly, being a Mom.

Did you reach that dream? Have you seen my 2 gorgeous children...

What thing do you want people to remember most about you when you are no longer living on this earth? I hate the thought of not being here. Mostly I just want to be remembered as a good friend. Good friends make this crazy life tolerable.

Bethany asks:
Favorite food? TOMATOES...then salmon

Favorite sex position? WOOF WOOF (Did I give it away?)

Favorite food while in a sex position? um....:)

frannie says:
I totally just realized that I basically asked the same question as SJ.. sorry, I swear I didn't do it on purpose. No, prob...thought of a couple of others...

*If you had 24 hours left to live, what frivolous thing would you do?
Go to Vegas and blow it all.

*who in your life do you secretly envy? I secretly envy....a few people for very different reasons.

*If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do? Follow people around that I know didn't like me..so I could see what kind of crap they would say about me..so I could get even.

*If you were given the choice to have the ability to read people's minds, but were not able to turn the ability off (so in other words you would always know the other person's thoughts) would you take it? No....sometimes there are things we shouldn't know. There are things that shouldn't be said.

*You will be stranded on an island with all needs and stuff met-- what luxury item do you take with you? A laptop.

SOOOOO the winner is....Kellie. She asked a question that I didn't want to admit about myself. Mostly I'm a forgiving person and even though I can be hurt by people, I usually wish them well and forget about it. I don't usually wish people ill will. I thought if there was one person in my life that I would wish ill things to happen to, it would be my ex-husband. The way Kelly worded the question...made me realize I am capable of hatred and I didn't think I was. Not that this is a positive realization but it does make me realize that I have a dark side..as much as I'd like to deny it. I guess the world really is balanced..good and evil.

So Kelly is the winner...but Amy W gets a big fat runner up prize for making the Disney characters sexual....only a twisted perverted soul like myself could appreciate that...

So both Kellie and Amy email me at amorrison73 at gmail with your addresses.

Thanks for all the questions...hope you all know the rule.

"Never ask a question you don't really want the answer to."