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2/13/07

Valentine's Day, so what?

I was going to write this tomorrow...and then I decided I didn't want to piss on any one's picnic tomorrow.

Just because I don't really celebrate Valentine's Day...doesn't mean someone might.

See I am a hopeless romantic. I am. I love cards, flowers, candy, little heart shaped frames, stickers, pencils, etc. I love it all.

So it may come as a shock to some of you..but tomorrow holds very little "wow" factor for me.

I'm sure you all want to know why, right?

Valentine's Day of 1995 I got engaged for the first time. (Well he'd asked in January but I got a ring with the whole teddy bear holding a pillow ring attached to it, candy and rose petal proposal on Valentine's Day)

Valentine's Day of 1996 I got married for the first time. On a Wednesday, at city hall, with about a dozen of our immediate family. This was followed by a luncheon my parents paid for. This was then followed by a 2 night stay in downtown Chicago that my husband to be DID NOT WANT and only after mentioning to his secretary on Feb. 12th that he'd be "out" and she pushed for info did he say "I'm getting married" that she collected from his department and got us a gift certificate for a hotel and managed the reservations. Otherwise we would have gone home to business as usual.

Valentine's Day of 1997 my husband did not come home til after midnight. Now it was a Friday and one would think you would come home to spend your FIRST anniversary together but he did not. He thought it would be OK with me if he went out for a few drinks with the last few single guys in his office. I didn't have the energy to remind him that A) not only was he NOT single but B) it was our first anniversary.

7 weeks later a doctor found a tumor behind my ear and this began a 6 week period of doctors and tests and needles. When it was finally decided that I may have cancer and the tumor had to come out..my husband's reaction "I can't talk about this now, what's for dinner?" Finally a surgery on May 17, 1997. My husband left town on May 19th for a trip he could have rescheduled leaving me alone and unable to drive or move my neck all that much.

By July I was better and looking for a job.

2 weeks later I went to help my sister move back to college.

I arrived home a day earlier than he expected me.

I heard a message on the answering machine from his sweetie wondering where he was because "the wife" will be back tomorrow and this is our last night together.

Once I confronted him he confessed there was another girl, that he worked with her but that it was over.

For the next 3 weeks I searched for a job, an apartment and a divorce attorney because although I was convinced we should seek counseling, my husband "Didn't have the time".

After I left him on Aug. 30th 1997 I kept our original home number since it was in my name.

10 days later I got a call from the "girl." She called to apologize for the way I found out but that they were indeed still together and she was pregnant with his child.

The next day I confirmed all this once I confronted his secretary and begged her to be truthful with me. See I had only signed a 6 month lease hoping mine and Kyle's absence from the apartment would just be "too much" for him and we could work it out. Finding out he was having a child with someone else only cemented that this was going to be a much longer lease than I had originally planned.

On Oct. 1, 1997 he finally agreed to ONE counseling session.

This was where he told me he had never loved me, only married me to have an established family because the only men at his company going places seemed to be married with kids and that he saw us as nothing more than the biggest mistake he'd ever made considering he'd insisted on adopting my son, he'd now have a monthly (child support) reminder of what it cost him.

October 13, 1997 I was served divorce papers at my office.

So Valentine's Day1998 I wasn't "technically" married but I wasn't "technically" divorced either. I was separated. My Dad sent me flowers from Kyle to try and cheer me up. It didn't work.

My divorce was final March 25, 1998.

So you see...Valentine's Day although I used to enjoy it, sucks for me.

I try every year to get excited about it again since I'm happily married but it just doesn't work.

9 Comments:

Blogger That Chick Over There said...

Oh honey. It sucks for me too, but for other reasons.

I think we should just have a day like a random Tuesday that we get candy and flowers. What do you say?

February 13, 2007 at 12:50 PM  
Blogger Brown Eyed Girl said...

That was one of my biggest things "give me flowers for no reason" not that my husband listens to me all that much.

I swear the man has S-E-L-E-C-T-I-V-E hearing...

February 13, 2007 at 12:57 PM  
Blogger SJ said...

I think Valentines Day is over-rated, or I've just given up :P

Sorry you had to go through all of that, and I agree with Chick, we should have a random day that we get candy and flowers, who needs Valentines Day anyway!

February 13, 2007 at 2:22 PM  
Blogger Kellie said...

Oh crapbag...what you went through makes me so sad. I'm very sorry. I'm with you on the whole V-Day thing. I don't give a rat's hind end and would rather have flowers/diamonds/a nice dinner, etc. on a random day just because.

Let's all celebrate it being Wednesday and NOT V-Day!!

February 13, 2007 at 5:08 PM  
Blogger Bethany said...

VD.
That about sums it up.

February 14, 2007 at 6:13 AM  
Blogger CPA Mom said...

You just broke my heart into a million pieces. And I read this on Valentine's Day.

Have you googled him like Isabel did her ex-? Maybe he is bald and fat and dirt poor. With VD like beth said. We can only hope. I have a similar ex- with similar hopes for him.

February 14, 2007 at 7:40 AM  
Blogger Angie said...

My divorce became final on our 14th anniversary. How is that for the most perfect closer ever?

Valentine's Day is a bit over rated these days. I hate feeling obligated to acknowledge so many people on a day meant to be shared by lovers, sweethearts, couples. Not in-laws, grandparents and the neighbors.

February 14, 2007 at 9:37 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

What an asshole! I'm sorry, but that's just how I feel!

Valentine's Day has never really been anything special for me, not because anything bad happened, but I don't need one day for you to show me you love me with candy and flowers, I want that everyday! Well, I don't need candy and flowers everyday, just to be shown how much I'm loved.

I'm sorry you had to deal with all that and that your son did too and I hope that he never ever knows what that man said about him and that if he does know that he realizes that it was not his fault.

February 14, 2007 at 10:03 AM  
Blogger Gerbil said...

Dayum. I always knew he was an incredible tool, but DAYUM what an ass.

I don't care much for the day either.

February 14, 2007 at 5:10 PM  

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