Welcome to My Life of Organized Chaos Where Crazy Eventually Catches up to you!

12/29/06

Do you still like me if I wear men's clothes?

Seriously.

My husband has 2 old dress shirts. You know plain white, collared button up shirts. They don't fit him. I adore them. I love to wear them with my jeans. He says to me "Honey the collar is too tight so I'm gonna put these in the donation box."

"DON'T YOU DARE"

*insert blank SCARED stare from husband here*

"WHY?"

"Cuz I want them"

"You're going to wear my clothes?"

"Sure why not?"

"because......mmmphff....never mind. Ok"

Then I thought about it. I wear a great deal of my husband's hand me downs. Track pants that get too tight, t-shirts that shrink over time and now his white dress shirts.

I don't care that they aren't fitted an make me look 5 months pregnant, they're comfortable.

I know I should go out and buy a nice white cotton or linen woman's blouse but I don't want TO. Is that ok?

Then I made a comment to my husband that we should really get our butts to DSW to buy new tennis shoes next week.

"Ok sure, what day do you want to go?"

"I don't know whatever..I just know I need to find a men's size 9 or 9 1/2 so it shouldn't be too hard, I'm really not all that particular about the colors. I've never been one to wear pink or purple tennies ya know?"

*insert blank SCARED stare #2 from husband here*

"You're going to buy MEN'S SHOES? Is there something you want to tell me?"

"No honey...but when you have 46C boobs and a woman's 12 Wide foot....even when you try and find things in your size..they aren't always comfortable. I bought 11 1/2 WIDE Saucony shoes last year and I had nothing but ingrown toe nails on my big toes ALL summer long. Men's shoes are made wider so I'll get a Mens' 9 1/2 or 10 WIDE and I'll be fine. I want to get them so I can wear them a few days a week at the gym and break them in before Disney. The last thing I want is ingrown toe nails by the end of Disney."

Now as I look over at my husband...well he looked like a woman just giving up. His shoulders were slumped over, head hung low in his cupped hands over his face, shaking his head from side to side and mumbling something as if he'd just didn't understand.

"Ok..I get it...men's shirts, men's shoes...comfort vs. style. Ok..fine...but please...if you start ONLY wearing Granny panties...I'm not kidding I'll leave you."

"Honey, I only wear granny panties when Aunt Flo is visiting town...you know this."

"Well thankgoodness Aunt Flo still visits...atleast when you're getting a period I get to remember you're a woman. What happened to the hottie I married?"

"She's right here...she just likes comfortable shoes and underwear."

"AGGGGGHHHHHH Honey That is something a DUDE would say."

"Well honey...I don't know what to tell you. Just because I like comfortable stuff doesn't mean I don't still dress up nice for you, I wear makeup everyday, I still enjoy all the girly things you tease me about. Just because I still LIKE dick, doesn't mean I'm going to grow one from wearing men's shoes."

"Well I SHOULD hope not...otherwise your penis will be bigger than mine by Easter."

With that...I walked away from him because I couldn't laugh in his face.

THIS is the insanity of my life.

4 Comments:

Blogger M said...

Oh dear me oh my. You're brilliant and practical and wise.

Besides girl shirts you'd look 9 months pregnant because to fit the boobs they must make the rest into 5 sizes to big! SO THERE!

And mens shoes are cheaper than womens. Before pregnancy I exclusively wore boys tennis shoes! (though now my feet are 'man' sized. *sigh* dammit)

You = wise. Husband = goofus.

December 29, 2006 at 7:40 AM  
Blogger Bethany said...

Came over from That Chick Over There. I just spent the last 20 minutes reading your blog and I will definitely be back to read some more!

December 29, 2006 at 8:30 AM  
Blogger velocibadgergirl said...

BAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I heart Jeff.

Tell him that I wear granny panties every day (but they're small-sized so they look more like boyshorts, in my defense) AND that the last pair of sneakers I bought were men's sneakers because I too have a wide-ass foot.

Surely he won't think that I have a penis! ;)

December 29, 2006 at 10:15 AM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

Hmmm.... I never thought to try men's shoes... I have size 10 WIDE feet and have had 3 ingrown toenails in the last 6 months. My feet were fine before I was pregnant, now I seem to have acquired pancakes for feet...

March 19, 2007 at 3:24 PM  

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