Welcome to My Life of Organized Chaos Where Crazy Eventually Catches up to you!

7/6/07

They Say The Truth Shall Set You Free

Last week That Chick called me to tell me she'd been getting emails asking if I was alright.

I'm getting emails asking if I'm ok.

There is something I've been trying to keep from my blog. Something I didn't want to creep over into my "alternative blog world". Something I wanted to keep very private almost as if I didn't talk about it here, it couldn't really be happening to me.

This was supposed to be my happy place.

Back at the beginning of Spring I was diagnosed with Stage 1 Breast Cancer.

I did a round of radiation treatments and some oral chemo.

About a month ago we find out that it's possible we didn't get it all.

So I had to cancel my trip to see That Chick because that was the week I had a port put in for additional chemotherapy treatments.

Since then...I've been pretty useless. I'm tired all the time, I'm sick, I'm losing my hair, I've had to hire someone to come in twice a week to take care of the baby because usually the day after treatment I don't get out of bed.

It's been 3 weeks and I have to go for 2 more. I'll wrap up just in time to attempt to move. Oh joy! Then more tests, more blood work, more poking and prodding and seeing if things have spread. Then we see what happens.

Lately, when I get online I hardly even check email. I get on to balance the checkbook, maybe research something I'm looking for that I might need for the new house..and that's it. I'm not very mobile these days. They gave me meds to help with the nausea...but just like with my pregnancy...they don't work all that well.

Some days Casey and I watch a lot of movies...some days like last week when Chick called me...I was up and running a quick errand..in an attempt to still feel human. Some days Kyle and I will take Casey to the park and he'll chase her all over while I find a bench in the shade and watch. Those are the days that hit me the hardest...I can't chase my little girl around. I can't run and laugh and play with her.

Other days..I do a lot of crying and feeling sorry for myself..but I do my best to snap out of it.

Right now...Jeff and I are tossing around the idea of a possible double mastectomy. I think if I beat it this time around..getting rid of all the tissue just makes sense to me...but it becomes quite a complicated matter when the things that make you feel so feminine are the things that could kill you.

Anyway, I just thought it was time to let my painful secret that seems to weigh 10 tons out of the box.

Only problem is...I don't feel any lighter.

37 Comments:

Blogger That Chick Over There said...

I love you honey. I am always here for you.

July 6, 2007 at 8:33 AM  
Blogger velocibadgergirl said...

Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry it didn't back off the first time.

Let me know if there's anything I can do. Anything.

Much love...

July 6, 2007 at 9:05 AM  
Blogger M said...

I, too, love you and am always here. I just wish I were closer and could do something for you. xoxoxoxox

July 6, 2007 at 9:18 AM  
Blogger Tamsyn said...

Sweetheart, I'm so dreadfully sorry it's back. Praying for you.

July 6, 2007 at 10:08 AM  
Blogger Bethany said...

I am so sorry. Like everyone else, I am here for you. If you need to talk about the stuff that is going on in your life- do it. We are not fair weather friends.

I'll be praying for you.

July 6, 2007 at 10:15 AM  
Blogger Kimberly said...

It just hurts the heart in so many ways...will pray for you and your family. Bethany's right...we're not fairweather friends. ~big hugs~

July 6, 2007 at 10:35 AM  
Blogger Kellie said...

Oh sweetness, I'm so terribly sorry. I wish I was near you so I could help with Casey or the house or whatever you need.

I love you. A stranger, someone I may never meet. But, a friend. Someone who took time to e-mail me and encourage me and who always had something positive to say to me. You are awesome.

July 6, 2007 at 12:04 PM  
Blogger Julie said...

I'm sorry you have to go thru everything you are. You seem to have a positive outlook on things which will help you beat it this time around!

July 6, 2007 at 12:19 PM  
Blogger SJ said...

Oh sweetheart, I knew you were away and not blogging but I had no idea it was because of this reason. I'm so sorry. So, so sorry.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do, anything.

I'll be thinking about you.

July 6, 2007 at 3:54 PM  
Blogger Never That Easy said...

If there's anything I can do, please let me know. Know that there's someone (a lot of someones) thinking about you out here. Sending good vibes your way!

July 6, 2007 at 4:57 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

Thanking about you and praying for peace in this awful situation. I cannot fathom how you must be feeling, but know that you are being thought of! Hang in there and treasure each and every moment of the time you do have with your family.
Mel

July 6, 2007 at 7:00 PM  
Blogger frannie said...

if I could take even one ounce of your burden, I would do everything in my power to do that. everything.

I have been so concerned about you- but I just thought you were busy. it never crossed my mind that you were having to struggle with something like this.

my heart is with you-- now and always.

July 6, 2007 at 8:42 PM  
Blogger Dawn~a~Bon said...

I just really don't know what to say, except that I'm so sorry. I f*cking hate cancer and I'm so sorry. I'm sorry you can't chase Casey around. It's not FAIR. I wish you were here so Chick and I could help you live and in person.

*HUG*

July 8, 2007 at 11:01 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

Oh Angie, I am so so sorry! I have been wondering about you and hoping everything is alright. If you need anything AT ALL, please do not hesitate to ask! We are all here for you through thick and thin.

Much love and big hugs!

July 9, 2007 at 9:03 AM  
Blogger CPA Mom said...

Angie You know I've been praying for you ever since you told me. Talking about it here, that is very, very brave. I can only imagine how you feel. I only offer my continued prayer and support and if / when you feel up to it, get you in touch with some other survivors of this disease. You are a winner You are a survivor and you WILL BEAT this.

When I'm in Chicago for Blog Her, I want to meet you in person, if you feel up to it. You are a hero.

July 9, 2007 at 9:33 AM  
Blogger Amy W said...

I am so sorry...I am here as well.

July 9, 2007 at 12:43 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Ugh...I was wondering where you had been and was hoping nothing bad was going on in the background. Your internet friends are thinking about you.

July 10, 2007 at 6:15 PM  
Blogger frannie said...

I tagged you! (I know you have a ton going on, so don't feel the need to "not break the chain".... I just wanted you to know.)

lots of love!

July 10, 2007 at 9:12 PM  
Blogger my4kids said...

I came over from Frannie's blog. I'll be thinking of you too.

July 10, 2007 at 10:27 PM  
Blogger Joy T. said...

I came to visit from Frannie's blog. Hope a stranger's "I'm thinking of you" is ok.

July 11, 2007 at 12:21 AM  
Blogger Emma in Canada said...

Oh, Angie. I am so, so sorry. I thought you were absent because of the move. I never imagined. Reading your posts about your sister and all your family members with cancer I thought that you were the lucky one.

If I can ever do anything for you, please let me know. I may be far away, but if I can do something from here I would do. If you need thank you cards or something for the people who have actually been able to be there in person for you. Ach, that sounds stupid. I just don't even know what I can offer you from here. But if you can think of something let me know.

July 11, 2007 at 12:53 AM  
Blogger Chelle said...

So very sorry...

July 11, 2007 at 5:00 AM  
Blogger HeatherAnn Fragglehead said...

I am SO sorry you're going through all of this. I noticed your updates had stopped coming, but I thought the impending move had you busy busy. :( I'm praying for you guys. And I'm sure there's not much I can do from Colorado, but if there is, all you have to do is ask.

I love you.

July 17, 2007 at 10:21 AM  
Blogger Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

Praying you up.

July 20, 2007 at 7:36 AM  
Blogger M said...

I honey. Just missing you. Thought I'd let you know. xoxo

July 25, 2007 at 7:15 AM  
Blogger HeatherAnn Fragglehead said...

When you can, please let me know how you're doing. :( I've been thinking of you guys lately.

August 13, 2007 at 12:06 PM  
Blogger CPA Mom said...

Angie, I've been praying for you and missing you. I hope the move went well and you are well on your way to recovery. xoxoxo

August 24, 2007 at 6:48 AM  
Blogger Kellie said...

Hi Angie...just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. Hope everything's going well and you guys got moved and settled!!

August 28, 2007 at 9:09 AM  
Blogger That Chick Over There said...

I love you and I miss you.

October 3, 2007 at 6:07 AM  
Blogger Be Inspired Always said...

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear the sad news. Sending good vibes your way and the warmest of blessings. Your a brave woman for bringing it up on your blog, I hope it helps. There seems to be alot of people encouraging you along this path...

I may be new here.. but I"m right along with them.. if you need anything just ask!


Jillian

October 16, 2007 at 6:48 PM  
Blogger frannie said...

just want you to know that I think about you so often. I always check to see if there is a new post and hope that it is one with good news.

you are on my mind

October 17, 2007 at 7:37 PM  
Blogger Emma in Canada said...

Just wondering how you are...thinking of you often!

November 5, 2007 at 9:24 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

I was thinking about you. Hope things are getting better.

December 7, 2007 at 12:39 PM  
Blogger Kellie said...

Hi Angie....I know it's been forever since your last post, but wanted to let you know I still check several times a week.

I think about you a lot and hope you're doing okay.

January 14, 2008 at 11:43 AM  
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February 3, 2008 at 2:10 AM  
Blogger M said...

I was going through my blogroll and cleaning it up and couldn't stand the idea of removing you though it's nearing a year since your last post...or the last time we even chatted. Even though my emails are not responded to and I have no idea where you phone number is these days (and cod knows I wouldn't have the balls to try to call these days) I still fiercely miss you. xoxoxo

April 23, 2008 at 2:08 PM  
Blogger Boomer0243 said...

.....

June 15, 2008 at 5:19 PM  

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