Welcome to My Life of Organized Chaos Where Crazy Eventually Catches up to you!



Considering it's a Friday and I leave for Disney in 2 weeks one would think I'd have something more upbeat to say.

Truth be told.

I'm sick and tired.

Sick and tired of being SICK AND TIRED

I just had a cough thing before Christmas.
My Daughter had the cough thing before Christmas.
Sunday my daughter woke up with a full blown runny nose, cold.
I've been fighting it all week.
My husband has been fighting it all week.
Wednesday night my husband started to get sick.
By yesterday Big Bald Guy was in full blown "I feel like shit everyone baby me..." man mode.
Today, I have it and I have it GOOD.

Kyle apparently has an immune system of Steel..cuz Casey's been kissing on him all week..and nothing. Maybe he has a big "S" under his shirt that I don't know about.

All this week Casey's congestion has made her restless and kept her up, which of course keeps Mama up. Basically I've had little sleep, which is probably why I'm sick now.

Last night was the straw.

My family has always been dysfunctional. Can't ever remember feeling normal. Well there was a stretch at one point when I was in high school. For the first time ever my step-Dad had a good job and making money kept the fights with my Mom to a minimum. My Mom was working. My parents were getting along during visitation drop offs and we seemed like a family. For a short time.

Other than that...there has always been something that goes on in my family. Always.

Right now..it's the beginning of my youngest sister's time to "feel her way through" the harsh realization that our Mother is FAR from perfect.

My entire family has been down this road.

She basically displaced my brother at 11 and sent him to live with his Dad. Then when he was 14 and asked to come back, she couldn't let him because the guy she was living with didn't want it.

She gave me 6 weeks notice when I was 21 and had a 2 yr old to find a place to live because she was moving an hour away to be with said guy.

That move also put out my other sister while she was away at college. She went from having her own room at home to sharing a room during college breaks with my youngest sister. I'm sure she never felt welcome in his home. He didn't keep quiet what he thought of my Mother's "Baggage". She was basically told that she could stay there for breaks and that she had 9 months to find a place to live AFTER graduation. Not that kids shouldn't find their own way but isn't graduating from college and realizing you're going out into the cold world traumatic enough?

Now my sweet younger sister. My Mom moving in with her current boyfriend this summer basically means she has no where to to go during breaks. She won't have a "home." My Mom has assured her she can have a bedroom at the boyfriend's house but it's not like my sister and the boyfriend are very friendly.

See this all happened very quickly after my Mom's husband passed away. He hasn't even been gone a year yet and my Mom is already discussing moving in with the boyfriend.

This is my Mother. She hasn't really ever been alone. She doesn't want to be alone. Doesn't think she should be alone.

Unfortunately, everything seems to point to the fact that everything seems more important than her kids.

Last night..most of the all the baggage we carry around with us...came to a head and lots of discussions were had.

I was white hot angry til 11pm and couldn't sleep. I'm sure I was still awake approaching midnight..and therefore that lack of sleep...let the cold walk right in.

I woke up and couldn't breathe, cloudy pounding headache and couldn't swallow. Emotional stress...ya think? Lack of rest? YEP.

I love my family and none of us are perfect..but I wish we could all just find a way to co-exist because being in the middle of all this even when I don't choose sides. Even when I tell each person my opinion. Even when NO ONE is right...we're all just feeling what we're feeling.....is quite exhausting for me.

So my goal is to go home, feed the kids and try to get to bed early and take care of me. For once.


Blogger That Chick Over There said...

You BETTER take care of you. For once.

January 12, 2007 at 8:55 AM  
Blogger velocibadgergirl said...

Poor Shannon. And poor you...


January 12, 2007 at 9:07 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

One day your mom will realize what she did and continues to do. Until then you just have to, unfortunately, live with it. But her mistakes have taught you what not to do, so maybe that's a good thing.

January 12, 2007 at 10:17 AM  
Blogger Brown Eyed Girl said...

It's not me I'm worried about...that's the thing.

I made my peace with my Mom and the way she is a LONG time ago.

It's just my sister's turn...and considering my Mom has now done it to all FOUR of her children...I don't see her wising up anytime soon.

Which is very sad.

January 12, 2007 at 11:08 AM  
Blogger M said...

The worst part is your mom will never comprehend and your sister...well...mucking through to figure it out SUCKS. (of course I've thought my own sister was going to figure it out 90 times then she slips back.) Lets hope yours figures it out and can move past. It's a lot easier to manage once you accept.

And homie. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF OR ELSE. (And else is to be taken seriously. Not sure wtf I think I could do but cod knows I'll threaten it dammit!)

January 12, 2007 at 11:18 AM  
Blogger CPA Mom said...

Try and take care of yourself this weekend. I know it's hard - mommy's always get the short end of the stick when Dad and babies are sick too.

Just a comment that stuck me - about your mom moving in with someone when her husband had been dead "only a year." I DON'T DISCOUNT what you are saying, I get that she is and has been a terrible mother and role model, but I don't judge widows/widowers based on the length of their mourning time. I moved in with my husband one year after my late husband died. It was right for me. It was right for us. I can't speak for your mom but I do ask everyone, not just you, not to judge those who have lost spouses. The end. Off soapbox. xoxo

January 12, 2007 at 12:04 PM  
Blogger Bethany said...

I hope you are all feeling better quick. Sometimes families suck.

January 12, 2007 at 6:20 PM  
Blogger Christine Spencer said...

That sucks. I think this is something your sister is going to have to figure out on her own. All you can do is be there for her and tell her that you care. At least, your sister will know that it's not personal agaist her. Your mother has always chosen boyfriends over all of her children.

January 14, 2007 at 1:29 PM  

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