On the Same Note

Yesterday after a visit with my best friend, Pam (that is in visiting from California) had left with her tiny 11lb, 2 month old son, Tucker; I started thinking about all the things swirling and clogging up the plumbing in my brain.

Mostly, it came down to this.

Life is gaining momentum as I get older.

Remember when we were kids....and even though in our little 8, 9 or 10 year old minds summer "FLEW BY" it didn't. You'd wake every day to play in the hot sun..and the next day seemed a million years away.

Well my kids are growing up...and although Casey is getting more independent and her first 2 years have indeed "FLOWN BY" for Jeff and I; it's Kyle I notice more.

He'll be gone in just a few short years, off to some college lucky enough to have him, making new friends and starting his "adult" life. The time when he'll start longing for these crazy summers of playing ball, squeezing in the beach and sleepovers with little responsibilities. I think he'll look back and realize that the sacrifices he made like giving up camping trips or vacations because of baseball were the right thing to do. He loves baseball, his teams mean everything to him and he's dedicated that way. Sometimes I wonder if he'll regret not having a summer with less commitments. The kind of summer that most adults look back fondly on.

It isn't that I want to go BACK and relive my life.

I want to start LIVING that kind of life now. Even for the short 30 minutes squeezed in between switching the laundry and starting dinner.

So yesterday, I gave it up.

I decided Thursday nights are now "Sandwich Night" at our house. I wasn't going to make any dinner. I didn't take anything from the freezer, I didn't put anything in the crock pot. Instead I put Casey down for a nap, took a shower, packed Kyle's uniform for his game and surprised him by picking him up from school.

From there I took him out for an after school snack. We ended up at an A &W restaurant. He had cheese fries and a float. We started talking...Casey was singing, we were all laughing. The kind of after school excursion I wished MY Mom could/would have ever surprised me with and maybe she did...but if she did...it wasn't frequent enough for me to have any memory of it.

Kyle and I talked about how he's been having trouble batting lately and he feels as though his old bat was too light...Did I stop to think..."Where in the heck do I have money for a new bat?" NOPE

Instead we headed across the street to MC Sports. 40 minutes later he had a new bat. Then we headed to the game. His team lost 8-6 but ya know what...Kyle had 2 huge hits and scored 3 runs. He came off that field beaming from ear to ear..even with the loss.

He said..."I'm glad we bought the bat. Can I have HOOTERS for dinner?"

A short discussion about how money doesn't grow on trees, etc. ensued but we compromised on hot wings from the local "hotdog/burger/gyro" joint that were much cheaper.

Again, I threw my normal over planning, control freak habit out the window.

Jeff and I had sandwiches and Kyle had hot wings.

Does any of this make sense? (Now that I've written a novel?)

What I'm trying to say is....I don't make the hour drive to have lunch with my sister. I don't call up and ask my Dad if I can stop by, I don't take time to just leave the house and window shop at the mall on any given Saturday.

How many of us do these things?

• "We'll start hosting game night when we paint the living room/re carpet the hallway/upgrade the bathroom."
• "We'll take that family vacation after we pay off that one credit card."
• "We'll visit the grandparents when the kids stop teething and sleep through the night."
• "We'll start date night after the busy season at work is over."

Etc..etc...etc...

Host game night...enjoy your friends. Buy a cheap area rug and trust me as long as you have a WORKING bathroom, your REAL friends aren't going to care what it looks like.

You don't have to go to away for 14 days. Find a couple hundred bucks, do a little research and take a short weekend camping trip. Find a neat little hotel near a water park. Whatever it is...find ways to make it fun for your kids.

Grandparents are so important to a child's identity. They are Grandparents because obviously they've had kids at some point. they are going to understand if you have a cranky fussy toddler. I promise. Enjoy them while they are still around.

Date NIGHT sounds like something you'd "initiate" and start doing on a regular basis..and ya know what sometimes financial and work obligations don't allow for that. Find a night...put the kids to bed, get takeout and sit in a room as far from the children as possible, light some candles, no tv, no answering the phone, no shop talk...just BE together.

Sometimes we seem to start just going through the motions..and not living life. I think on some level we just think of all of our responsibilities and we get overwhelmed at them and we forget what an enjoyable ride this can be.

For me, yesterday I realized that I don't want any regrets and the only way to be sure I don't have any is to start living...even the little moments.

The rest will just have to wait

It's no secret that my life has been "eventful" over the last couple of months with Jeff working more hours, losing my job, preparing for the move and the medical situation.

Just when it felt like I might be able to come up for air I got a call from my Mom.

She ALSO has nodules on her thyroid. Now of course it wasn't enough that Kelly just had to go through the needle aspirations, CAT scans, body scans, surgery, feeling like crap after having to go off her synthroid....but now..it looks as though my Mom could be headed down the same path. Ironic? Not really..she's had thyroid problems almost 18 years and she's already been a cancer survivor almost 7 years...so the doctors are concerned.

As I stared around my filthy house that's been neglected for the last week while I was sick...I began to get that "adrenaline/angry I'm gonna clean til I'm exhausted" urge...15 minutes in Casey came over and said "Snuggle Mommy". I sat down and she crawled up on my lap.....

We then spent the next hour reading three books, singing every nurse rhyme she knows by heart, counting her fingers and toes, counting my fingers and toes and watching an episode of Caillou..all while she never left my lap.

As I held my little girl I started to think "I have to get that load of laundry in, I have to call the caterer for the party, I have to order that gift card.." and then it hit me..."Whatever ... it will just have to wait."

Am I NOT a Mother?

Honestly really truly...please tell me if I'm nuts...

I get "What are we doing for Mother's Day for Mom, for Mary, for MY Mom?" from my sisters and my husband....

Has it slipped every one's mind that I MYSELF am a Mother?

If 28 hours of natural labor with only a 1/4 dose of Demerol to squeeze out a 7 lb 14 oz 21 1/2 inch long baby Kyle didn't qualify me...then SURELY having an emergency c-section and losing my eyesight with Casey has to at least get me on the list...right?

Then WHY is it..that I'm to run all over town finding just the right gifts for my Mom, my step-Mom and Jeff's Mom...then on Mother's Day to see my Mom and my Step Mom. Do I not get a day to myself? Do I not get a day to enjoy my children?

I'm not complaining to the hilt about it...I mean...I want to honor all the Mother's in my life (especially while they are here cuz LORD knows I'd give anything to cater to my Grandmother again--how I miss her) ..but I would just like the same courtesy. EVERY YEAR we're expected to run around on Mother's day doing the visits....not "How about this year we do brunch ON Mother's day and next year we'll get together the weekend before or after Mother's day?"

Just ONE Mother's day I'd like to be woken up with burnt breakfast in bed by my kids, get to relax over coffee and have the day to myself to read or take a nap...rather than having to be the first one up to pack the car and rally the troops out of bed to get ready and head out at 10am only to return home at 7pm....just ONCE.

This year...my sister-in-law put the ball in motion by saying she had to work a 1/2 day on Mother's Day and when she gets off she wants to go home to her kids..and I jumped right on it and finally gave my opinion about it to my Mom and my sister. "I agree. I would LOVE to do nothing on ACTUAL Mother's Day, just once."

So instead of our normal running all day...Saturday afternoon we're having lunch at my Mom's house and then all going to Kyle's baseball game that night at 5pm. So on Mother's day...I told Jeff..."I want to go out for breakfast..and at some point..I want you and Kyle to take Casey for a walk and I want to nap. That's what I want for Mother's day."

Score one for the low man on the totem pole.