Welcome to My Life of Organized Chaos Where Crazy Eventually Catches up to you!


Together we can make a difference

I bet there isn't a person here that hasn't lost someone to cancer.

I currently have 3 immediate cancer survivors in my family.

My Mother from breast 6 1/2 years.
My Father from colon -diagnosed 16 years ago.
My Sister and her recent thyroid issues.

I' ve lost my Grandfather, my Grandmothers, my step-Dad, My Godmother.

There just are very few people that haven't been touched by cancer on some level.

It is with great hope that I some day see some type of treatment or cure. Maybe it comes in Casey's lifetime and that too, would be a great blessing.

I have recently signed up to participate in the American Cancer Society Walk & Roll Chicago. I considered just the Breast Cancer walk but it goes beyond just breast cancer. I don't just walk for the women of my life, I walk for everyone because they all need cures.

I have committed to raise funds for the American Cancer Society in their efforts of eliminating cancer as a major health problem by preventing cancer, saving lives, and diminishing suffering from cancer, through research, education, advocacy and service.

I would appreciate it if you could sponsor me in this great endeavor. My goal is to raise as much money as possible for the event and I hope that you will help.

You can go to my personal page (see link below) and donate directly with a debit/credit card. I am also collecting checks written to the American Cancer Society and cash. If you wish to donate privately you can email me at amorrison73 at gmail dot com

Casey and I will be walking with my family "Team Butler" on what I hope is a lovely, glorious, sunny May day in Chicago. As I walk I will think of those I have lost and smile knowing how much I miss them but I will also smile and think of all those we can try and save through the money raised during this campaign.

Thank you for considering sponsoring me as I join the fight against cancer as a Walk & Roll Chicago participant.

Click here to visit my personal page.If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:http://www.walkroll.org/site/TR?px=1239701&pg=personal&fr_id=1050&s_tafId=7000

Click here to view the team page for Team ButlerIf the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:http://www.walkroll.org/site/TR?team_id=9910&pg=team&fr_id=1050&s_tafId=7000


I'm lucky sometimes that I CAN think...

So SJ at All The Jones men nominated me for one of those (kinda creepy looking fetus ) Thinking Blog Awards. Thank you, now I feel like one of the cool kids.

How sad is it that a grown woman of 34 kept reading the other women from her blog roll seeing they were nominated and then getting disappointed when no one nominated her. I'm embarrassed to admit I was disappointed. I know the blog has sucked the last 2 weeks or so...with just mundane crap rather than anything really heartfelt or meaningful. Life ya know? What are you gonna do?

Anyway, I'm supposed to link you to Thinking Blog Awards .

I'm also supposed to nominate 5 people that make me think whenever I read their blogs. If you look to the right..my blogroll is very small comparatively. Most of these women have already passed the torch and I'm not sure I'd have 5 TO actually nominate.

So I will do something very different....right now I'm very "relationship oriented" vs "kid oriented" so here goes:

5 Questions to Make You think

1) Do you consider it cheating if you start to have FREQUENT fantasies about someone besides your partner?

2) If your partner were the one having the fantasies would you want to know about them?

3) You just found out that your very best friend is embezzling money from her employer to pay for medical expenses of a sick family member, do you turn her in?

4) Are you or your partner always the "fixer" your relationship? How do these roles get formed?

5) Do you believe that friendships between men and women are a good idea? Do you have any that your partner feels uncomfortable about?

Lastly, as I was reading what SJ wrote about me:

Put the FUN in DysFUNctional. As soon as I started reading, I couldn’t stop. Again, she talks about life and her children and more recently her issues with work. Reading all of that brought all my ‘lay-off’ memories back and even though she’s okay with it, I totally wasn’t. You heard me right; she’s totally OK with getting laid off. You go girl! And besides all that she’s sweet and fun and helpful. And it makes me think and reminds me that I’m grateful to know a blogging friend like her.

I began to think of my pending layoff again. It's amazing to me how just mentioning something very "everyday life" that is happening to me touches other people. The most profound example I have is Stephanie and her dealing with the prematurity of the twins. I never knew my discussing it so honestly helped her come to grips with her own feelings. Now I know about a less than happy time when SJ got laid off and was clearly unhappy about.

A year ago this layoff would have landed me on medication. A year ago I was the breadwinner, I carried all the EXPENSIVE health benefits for me, Jeff and Casey. Jeff wasn't making real money and unemployment wouldn't even have paid the bills. What a difference a year makes, huh?

This layoff simply put...oh..what's that old cliche? "Timing is everything"
With my move, the fact that I didn't want to commute to the city anymore, that I need some time off to be with my kids, that I would have been looking by mid-May for a new job closer to home ANYWAY, why not let them pay me 100% for 6 weeks and then collect unemployment. It's nothing personal. I would have survived the cut for probably another year but I volunteered.

The one thing I am most sad about is that I am in constant contact with a very very dear friend
of mine via email all day. See That Chick and I ...we can be slackers sometimes. Sometimes we'll email 100 times in a day. She is the one person I never knew I could have in my life. I can't tell you how many times we've helped each other through some serious business. I know if I need her, she's never more than an email away. Being at home all day I won't be sitting staring at a computer screen all day..and a big part of me is scared. What if we lose what we have? Are we THAT kind of friends? The kind that has to be in constant contact with each other otherwise we lose touch. Sweet Lord I hope not. I don't think so but the sinking feeling that's hovered around me since I began to think of how my life will change with this layoff, I finally tied to that. I can't lose her. I'm planning a trip to go and meet her now that I will have time. I can't wait to spend time with her, Jason, the kids and Ginger. She is the best friend I always wanted. I mean I've morbidly had fleeting thoughts of my life without my family or my husband and kids. Ya know the silly "What Ifs". But have you EVER thought about what your life would really be like without your closest friends?

I did..and my life was a much darker place that I didn't like one bit.

So there...there's my thinking blog for today.


A Glimpse ahead

Honestly I have too much work to be able to blow through all my sick days...since I had 3 and I would have to use them all by this Friday. Once I'm "officially notified" of my layoff I can't miss a day for 2 weeks. So yesterday was my only day off...I'll be here through the 13th now. Not so bad. 13 more days of work if you count today and I lose 2 days of sick time.

However, having the day off gave me a good idea what my time at home will be like. I slept til almost 7:45, which was 3 hours more than I get now. I felt very refreshed, ready to attack the day and that's exactly what I did.

Want to know what I got done? Truthfully not all that much.

I fed the kids, had some coffee and started cleaning up the kitchen from the night before.

By 10am I had 2 loads of laundry done and played with Casey. Then she went down for her morning nap and I decided to tackle the book/media shelves.

I packed a big box full of paper back books to donate. Had a huge garbage bag full of stuff I was ready toss and then made a list of all my VHS tapes that I need to replace with DVDs and tossed those. Rearranged some stuff and just in time for Casey to get up from her nap and have some lunch. Then she and I sat on the floor and played for nearly 2 hours. It was heaven.

Before you knew it Kyle was home and we were getting ready for them to eat. Our dinner plans fell through with our friends so Jeff and I went to dinner.

It was a very nice day. Gave me a little idea as to how my days at home will go not accounting for just about anything else that gets thrown at me..but eh..whatever.

Also, I was dusting pictures and looking at my son's school pictures.

It's amazing to me how fast the time really goes. It was not that long ago he was just starting school. I have one of those school house frames with 13 slots for kindergarten through 12th grade. There are only 4 open slots. I looked at that frame picturing all 12 full. Imagining this was March of 2011 and where my son would be going off to college. Thinking about how much I would miss talking to him every day. Seeing him everyday.

Then I looked at my 4 slot frame for Casey. Her 2 month, 4 month, 8 month and 1 year pictures all smiling back at me. Considering she's only 2 months away from being 2 years....where did that time go?

My glimpse ahead to her future made me realize how grateful I am for this time being given to me to spend just with her. The time goes SO quickly.

Although I was scared of what is yet to come...I'm also grateful for the chance to take this journey with my children.

P.S. Emma----We are having computer connectivity issues at home but I'm working on them so that when I am laid off, I will still post M-F. I didn't post yesterday because I couldn't get online.


The Times they are a Changing

Talk about a full, fun and productive weekend.

Friday night we decided since we were both home early enough we'd hit Carmax.

2 hours later I have a Navy Blue, Chrysler Town & Country minivan.

We got the seat style & mileage we were hoping for, plus it was in our price range, which was the most important thing.

Why can't I be independently wealthy? Why is price such an issue? Because I was given additional confirmation today by my boss that yes; I am on the list for the April layoff. That it is only a matter of days before HR gives the approval and then he has paperwork to complete and we can be officially told when our last day will be and how much severance we will be getting.

He said "I'm not sure if it's coming down today or this week so your last day could be the 6th, it might not be til the 13th. Either way it'll be April." Again really it's fine..and the sooner it happens, the sooner I can be thrilled with it all and really accept it.

But we got the minivan Friday and then did nothing but shop for 2 more days. Saturday we went to the mall with my sister looking for shorts and t-shirts for Kyle.

Sunday we went to another mall to get shirts for Jeff, baseball equipment for Kyle and then I spent $100 on myself at Lane Bryant. Got some really cute stuff too....

Sunday night Jeff had his fantasy baseball draft and we went to visit my Dad for a little while.

I didn't get to bed any night this weekend before midnight and was up at 7:30 Sat morning and 7am Sunday morning. I'm freaking tired today.

However, Tues I'm taking one of my sick days since my boss told me to take them and use them because I won't be compensated for them. So I have the day off, which is good because we have friends from Arizona passing through that want to have dinner and I'll be home rather than rushing around. So tomorrow morning, I'm sleeping in.

How is everyone else?