Christmas Do Over

Ever have one of those moments...

When someone walks up to you and hands you a gift and you didn't get them anything?

Yep. Just happened.

This is my 4th year at my office. We don't really do a big exchange or anything but the first year I worked here the other admin and I said we'd both buy our boss something.

So I did in 2003, 2004 and 2005. In 2003 & 2004 he always gave all 3 of the admins something.

Last year I gave him something with about a week to go before the holiday. Christmas came and went with no gift from my boss. No biggie.

As I was putting together my list of "to buy for", I thought long and hard about getting something for my boss...since he didn't reciprocate last year and I didn't want to keep getting him something if he wasn't...it just felt so weird. I ended up deciding against getting him anything, which was great since Casey's sister-in-law is going to be born next Spring and I bought her a lovely ensemble...and of course I had to send packages to THAT CHICK OVER THERE's twins...cuz well they're just cool like that. I want to be a rockstar like them when I grow up.

WELLLL boss just came over....handed me a car and wished me Merry Merry. He then STOOD here while I opened it and when I didn't have anything to give him...I felt like I was standing naked in Times Square next to Dick Clark with 1 minute til Midnight.

I want a "Last Work Day til Christmas Do Over".

The Truth Comes Out

I am a VERY good friend with That Chick Over There (if you haven't read her blog you should- I peed myself a little yesterday reading her back blogs). Anyway, her blog today explains a great deal about why I've decided to start my own.

Our internet message board isn't the same. I know, it's "just a message board". But it wasn't supposed to be. It's not a public board, you were invited based on what other people thought or as we've called it in the past "What you brought to the table". A fairly large group of women started out. We lost one or two right away due to a spinoff of another board. Lost another to not much internet access. Another to a very immoral situation involving her family. Now they are probably about to lose another few members, myself included.

To me it's like any friendship, when it caves; what contributed? We've all heard the "You get what you put into it." or the "You take turns giving 100% and lean on each other." Well I've had enough of it quite honestly.

You get what you put into it. I have given my heart and soul to some of these women. Only to have it smashed into a million pieces when I needed support back. "What do I bring to the table?" I bring the MAIN COURSE, a lot. Some of these other women are lucky to show up with napkins.

I understand the "I can't log on from work so I have less time to contribute." and therefore aren't around as much...but being ABSENT is one thing. Coming on and deliberately choosing to not contribute to certain people when you are there discussing all the details of your life...right down to something as trivial as the dog didn't do well at the groomer.

We've had the discussion a few times and every time it's the same people defending others...that "sometimes I don't have anything to contribute to your problem" or "I'm not around". The former holds no water for me because even if you say "I'm really really sorry." I know you spent 35 seconds and opened the thread and actually read what was going on with me.

The bottom line is HERE in my blog..I don't EXPECT anyone to read it. I don't expect anyone to give a shit about me or my trivial problems with my husband during the holidays when he's working 70 hours+ a week. I dont' expect support and love and compassion. I came here of my own free will. I was invited there to be part of group that was different. Part of group that was supposed to be there for each other. Cared for, considered, loved. When I post there and no one responds like my dear friend, That Chick said...it hurts. You feel invisible and ignored. When I post here I can get my thoughts out and if no one responds that's ok because I'm not expecting anyone to.

It's very sad to admit this because for almost 3 years it's been my safe haven. There are amazing women there that have talked me off a ledge many a time. Kept me from losing it with my husband, kept me from killing my in-laws. Without them during those times my life might be a little different.

Lately though, it seems as though as group, we're connecting less and less. The posts aren't quite as real as they used to be and even when they are..the same handful of good hearted women reply and the same group of people for whatever reason seem deliberately HURTFUL and mean and only keep replying to their own post or each other's. I've watched it for months and I can't GIVE like I have been and get nothing back.

I will not apologize for needing them.
I will not apologize for caring about them.
I will not apologize for expecting more from them.

I can't change them. I can only change myself and how I react to them. But if I don't do something about cutting off that source of hurt; I will end up bitter. I can't allow that to happen.

So my decision to leave there is the reason I'm here.

Welcome to my Nightmare....step in the water is warm

Upon the advice of another FUNNY FUNNY CHICK with her own blog, here I am.



What do you want to know about me..



Well I'm the proud Mother of 2. I know I know..sappy as all get out. Right? But THESE are my lovely children. Kyle is 14 and Casey is almost 19 months. Yes..that's right there is a 13 year gap between my kids. I'm insane. The sooner you realize this the quicker you can catch up with my insanity. It's ok, it's not contagious.

2 things really define me; my lack of childhood and my desire to break the cycle for my own kids.

I KNOW I know...you're thinking.."Aw crap this woman is going to be all melancholy" not true. I'm a hoot. My life couldn't be a bigger train wreck unless Mr. Spelling himself resurrected from the dead to script my life like a bad combo of Melrose Place and The Drew Carey Show IN SPANISH. I'm a damn funny girl when I want to be. I was just telling you these are 2 things that make the person that I am.

I'm happily married to the man I waited almost 30 years for. My husband Jeff is one of the funniest men I've ever known. He makes me laugh like no one ever, which really is a blessing because as my friend, Kate once pointed out....I would have poisoned his dinner long ago.

My family is loud and involved and sometimes has no concept of boundaries, my husband's family lives too far away to be insane but in-laws are just in-laws and my kids...well they are entertaining.

If you stay with me, I promise to do my very best to entertain you...although I can't juggle, sing or dance very well so HONESTLY how entertaining CAN I really be? Good question...we shall see, we shall see.

Stay tuned.