Rhetorical Questions

"Do you think money grows on trees?"
"If your friend jumped off the bridge, would you?"
"What do you think you're doing?"

These are questions that I heard as a child.

These are questions if you were SMART you did not attempt to snap back an answer to my Mother. Ever. Not if you liked your teeth in your mouth. Don't get me wrong my Mother only ever smacked me ONCE in my lifetime and it was when I called her a bitch. Certainly not one of my finer teen aged moments.

However, I've noticed that years later the questions have changed with the times because I would never say "If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?" and not because it sounds retro..but because in this day and age of Xtreme Sports and TV shows like Fear Factor; Kyle might answer "Cool!"

Anyway, as I'm beginning my "to do" or "to research" lists for the move this summer I come to a big ticket item; flooring.

My Mom has hardwood floors but they are in B-A-D shape. She's getting a quote for the other house but she's not expecting a reasonable quote. That means the house I'm moving into has few options.

• I can get a quote and pay a small fortune to get the hardwood floors redone. (which I'm not a fan of to begin with)
• I can call a local commercial carpet installer and get quotes.
• I can pay a small fortune for area rugs that I'm not fond of and don't cover the entire floor.

Or

• a friend of mine turned me onto carpet tiles.

She's an interior decorator and apparently uses these in playrooms, game rooms and such.

These are a totally new concept to me. I spent half the night last night online looking at different companies, seeing many duplicate designs and pricing it out. See the living room area that needs to be carpeted is 12x14 and Casey's room is 9 x 13. For 2 sets of tiles to cover these rooms with shipping is somewhere between $350-370.

1. Certainly cheaper than having carpet installed maybe not as nice as a "real" carpet.
2. More than likely cheaper than the refinishing quote.

Question is how WELL can you trust the colors from an internet site on your PC. What if what looks to me like a nice mixture of hot pink, purple and yellow is really more PLUM?

Good question.

When I mentioned to Jeff what I'd found his response..

"$350? Do you think I'm made of money?"

"Honey, you sounded JUST LIKE YOUR DAD JUST NOW. All I know is I'll bet that's way less than having the floors redone right now and it's a solution til we either can afford good carpeting or have the floors redone."

"I sounded like my Dad. Oh. Good.Grief. How did I arrive there so quickly? Well honey I'm sure you'll figure it all out without it costing us an arm and a leg."

"Honey..."

"Yeah?"

"You're doing it again....an arm and a leg? Do people say that any more?"

"Ouch. Ok, I'll stop."

Clueless- Party of One

See what 12 years of (TINY) apartment living will do to a person? (Now put on your seat belts and stay with me. This ride could get a little bumpy.)

Kyle is graduating in 7 weeks.

Graduations mean graduations parties.

Add in 60 baseball games without a Saturday free and you're screwed.

So you think...."Can I swing this AFTER the move in July at the new house?" A) It'll be more than likely it'll be 110 degrees and B) Only family would show because it's over an hour to the new house. However C) (is a plus) and we have a pool at the new house but B) really sucks for Kyle.

Then you grab a calendar and compare the times and locations of weekend games in June. You realize that you may have to change the time of the week (as in Mon-Thurs vs. Thurs-Sun) you're going to Tennessee. *Note to self...discuss this with That Chick immediately. Oh you have a free Sunday.

Do people even HAVE graduations parties on Sundays? I mean we're not church going people...but other people might be...wait if they go to church and hang out with US, how freaking religious can they be? Ok nevermind. FOCUS Angie Grasshopper FOCUS.

Ok...wait....I have a free Sunday or 2 that I could squeeze this in....that's going to be Plan B for sure. Must discuss this with my Dad...since his house is the only logical LOCAL place to have this party anyway. Not like I can invite people over to my 2 bedroom cubicle with crappy air conditioning. We could do one of the picnic groves at the Forest Preserves except..NO ALCOHOL. Well that's just not going to fly in my lovely Irish family. You know how people don't have liquor AT their parties because they worry about people getting out of hand..yeah not my family. You worry people might get out of hand if there IS NOT any liquor. Ok back to Plan A- find a Saturday and ask Dad if that date is ok with him.

Holy Schnikes I have one. Saturday June 9th there is no baseball scheduled. If I didn't know any better...I would think our coach of 13 8th graders might have just given us a free day ( or his wife DEMANDED) in order for this blessed event to take place. The only REAL problem being that if that is our "free" Saturday. There will be 10 graduation parties in town on the same day....oh well.

Saturday June 9th or Sunday June 10th looks like a really good time to clear with my Dad, then schedule a Molly Maid to clean his house and get invitations in the mail in the next 2 1/2 weeks.

THEN....it hits me. Like a freight train.

I HAVE NEVER HOSTED A PARTY. EVER.

How much food do I order for an event such as this?
What kind of food do I order for an event such as this?
How much liquor do I buy for an event such as this? Oh never mind..in my family there can never be TOO much, only not enough.

So do I order chicken and beef from somewhere, get some salads and a cake from Sam's club?

Do I do meatballs for sandwiches in several crock pots instead of beef?

How much regular soda, how much lemon lime soda, how much diet?

Can anyone HELP out the girl that has never hosted a party..and does NOT want to fall flat on her face for her ONLY son's first graduation party. Now with family and a few friends...the list is 70 max. I expect probably 40 people or so.

Anyone?

Anyone?

Clearly slapping down some velveeta and wheat thins with water is not an option.

Are you the hot girl?

Think about how you answer that question now.

Yesterday I ran out to get one of my favorite lunches (because knowing you aren't going to be working near this place after next week, you want to enjoy it while you can. The day they put one of these restaurants in the suburbs I'll be a happy camper.) and I end up walking just ahead of a group of 3 guys.

I can hear their entire conversation.

I hear one guy say to the other "So then she comes STOMPING into the living room saying why can't I wear just anything I want and I said well I only ever see you in sweats anymore, I mean you're hardly the hot girl I met."

I nearly turned around and said.."And I'm SURE you're the dreamboat from the romance novel she ONCE met years ago too, asshole." but I didn't. I kept walking for the short 1/2 block and the other guys are chiming in and agreeing "Yeah and you don't even have kids yet. Think about when that happens. Most women use that as an excuse to just let themselves go."

So here I am thinking..."Am I a hot girl?" Are any of you? It's totally ok to admit that you are. I myself was never by society's standards a HOT girl. Never. I was pretty enough but in my day blonde, blue eyed and single digit dress sizes were the hot girls. The minute you became a junior size 12 or 14..then no.

Now to Jeff; I was totally HOT when he met me. To him, (thankfully) I'm STILL hot. Do I have my days where my boobs hang to my waistband and my hair looks like it's been stuck in that half-assed bun for days without washing, sure. Some days I even get a few monster zits that I won't cover with makeup. I'm hot I tell you. However, most of the time I dress business to business casual during the day. Weekends I'm usually a sweater and jeans kind of girl but I will wear a nice blouse..and I very rarely go out without showering, doing my hair and makeup. Again, an occasional Saturday morning running of errands sometimes gets me a face wash, tooth brush, hair in the pony tail with track pants and t-shirt..but for the most part I leave the house presentable. Even if I didn't leave the house like that and stayed home all day (which I'm ABOUT to do) and was in track pants 5 out of 7 and the other 2 in my PJs, Jeff would still see my beauty. Why?

Cuz I didn't marry an asshole.

Finally as I'm walking I go to hit the revolving doors to my office building. I turned to look back and I saw the guy that was speaking. Average build, definite pot belly (probably beer belly), balding with really bad acne scars wearing jeans and polo with tennis shoes. This guy talked as though he worked in a suit at the Board of Trade and his wife was just this lump of a frump woman.

So of course when Jeff got home last night I had to ask.

"Honey, am I still the hot girl you met?"

"Uh....is this one of those questions I'm gonna get in trouble no matter what I say cuz I'm too tired to play that game today."

"No, just honesty." Then I proceeded to tell him the story.

"Well no you aren't. You've had a baby. Your body changed. Some days I'm just grateful you brushed your teeth but YES..when we're going out...you always look hot. I still know that I can't keep my hands off you and I love you more now than I did when I first met you because of your insides not your outsides. We have kids. We have jobs. No one can look 100% perfect 100% of the time. It's just not realistic. That guy was kidding himself if he thought his wife's appearance would never change. I mean I'm sure after a long week and we're going to run errands you'd like to see me in something other than track pants and a jersey or t-shirt but that's what I'm comfortable in. I don't expect you to be perfect. I expected you to change because I changed..and I would hate to think you thought less of me because of the way I'd changed."

Then he came over and gave me such a tender kiss....I felt like we'd just started dating again. To be able to feel that way over 5 years later....was like heaven.

So no, Jeff isn't perfect. He weighs about 40 lbs more than when I met him. We're both older. Sometimes I have to BEG him to wear anything OTHER than a t-shirt when we're going out to dinner. Sometimes he indulges me, other times not.

Last night I thanked God for Jeff's imperfections because him having his own makes him a little more tolerant and accepting of mine.

Why is it called a "PINK" slip?

re Clearly none of the pieces of paper in my "layoff package" were pink. I'm sure it originated somewhere YEARS ago. (HEY- CONTEST idea---I'll send a cute little prize to the first person that researches the origin of "the PINK slip".)

Well regardless, I got my official notice and package of information on Friday. My last day at work is April 13th. From there I collect a short and crappy severance package before I can start collecting unemployment. The good news is that if I'm right....I'll put more money into my checking account staying home than I was working. (The high price of daycare, who knew?)

Yesterday I spent the day with my boss basically over my shoulder asking "Well what's that pile? What's that? Why do you have a picture of a "CLUE BAT" at your desk?" making notes and piles and lists of things I do so my co-worker can take over after I leave. So I was absent in the blog world.

However, I'm happy to report I'm here today and will read and catch up on everyone shortly.

Other interesting tidbits:

• I'm planning a trip to see That Chick and another good friend of mine in Tennessee in June.
• CPA Mom has just about talked me into attending the BLOGHER conference. Even though it's the weekend I was considering MOVING (talk about putting too much on your plate) I really think a couple of trips during my "time off" is just what I need. I never take enough time for myself..and after the year I've had...well I think I deserve it. Plus this trip is not very far from home.
• My husband's promotion was announced to his team today. Pretty excited about that pay raise that will take effect 5/1.
• My son's baseball schedule came home last night and I got to tell you; I'm tired just reading it. 36 games in 10 weeks. That's ONLY for ONE team. When I add in his other 20-24 games for the other team...I'm going to be very happy I'm not working.
• My dear friend, Kate, sent me a post card joke that I received last night. She's been sending them to me for weeks to keep my spirits up during this tough time. Last night was the ONE particular time I let Kyle get the mail from the box. On this postcard was a joke that goes something like this:

A man walks into a bar. Bartender says "You look awful guy, what's wrong?"

"Well I was so drunk last night I blew chunks."

Bartender says "Don't worry buddy lots of people get sick after they've had too much to drink.

Guys says..."Yeah, but Chunks is my DOG!"

My poor son may never be the same again....