New Year -New Start

New Years Resolutions-

See...and I use the word RESOLVE in a "negative" way and hell maybe I'm using it incorrectly..

• to reduce by mental analysis
• to come to a definite or earnest decision about

But usually it's something along the lines of

"I have resolved that my inlaws are always going to be assholes."

or

"I have have resolved myself to the fact that my Mother has no clue what she's done in the past."

So saying New Year's Resolutions sounds like I'm giving up.

My 2007

• Hopes
• Goals
• Targets
• Missions
• Ambition
• Duties

Whatever (anything is better than RESOLUTION)

1. Spend more time with my family actually BEING with them-rather than observing something we are involved in.
2. Try and be more patient with my husband. - I've tried to explain to him that if he just woke up a Rockefeller tomorrow..I could be a stay at home Mom and the pressure of being gone 11-12 hours a day would help me be much more attentive to him and our home.
3. Lose the weight- I'm not even going to try and trick myself by putting out a number that is ridiculous. If I could be down a dress size by June when Kyle graduates that would be great. Where I end up at year end...as long as it's ATLEAST 20 lbs less than NOW, for me will be a great goal attained.
4. Drink more water- One would think this would be easy but I act as though there is a shortage on the stuff sometimes.
5. Get the finances in shape- This will require me being a bit of stickler with my DH and my dear son. It will require more planning on my part for meal preparation and anticipating nights we will be on the run and having something prepared rather than driving thru or getting Subway. It's a big job but I think I'm prepared and ready to get started.
6. Continue to keep a good mindset regarding my inlaws and their indifference to my husband and our children-This was a a 2006 goal and I may have fallen off the wagon a few times but I've always managed to catch the wagon and hop right back on. I've noticed less tension with my husband on this level and so now when I'm REALLY angry I fight the good fights..otherwise I've really been trying to pick my battles and when it's not important...not traumatize Jeff with my own insecurities about them.
7. Carve out more time for myself- THIS is a very hard one. I adore my family and all that it entails..but sometimes I see my books collecting dust or my journal and I just want to cry. I want to steal 30 minutes for myself and whole up somewhere.

I think I should stop at 7..

Happy New Year to Everyone!

Do you still like me if I wear men's clothes?

Seriously.

My husband has 2 old dress shirts. You know plain white, collared button up shirts. They don't fit him. I adore them. I love to wear them with my jeans. He says to me "Honey the collar is too tight so I'm gonna put these in the donation box."

"DON'T YOU DARE"

*insert blank SCARED stare from husband here*

"WHY?"

"Cuz I want them"

"You're going to wear my clothes?"

"Sure why not?"

"because......mmmphff....never mind. Ok"

Then I thought about it. I wear a great deal of my husband's hand me downs. Track pants that get too tight, t-shirts that shrink over time and now his white dress shirts.

I don't care that they aren't fitted an make me look 5 months pregnant, they're comfortable.

I know I should go out and buy a nice white cotton or linen woman's blouse but I don't want TO. Is that ok?

Then I made a comment to my husband that we should really get our butts to DSW to buy new tennis shoes next week.

"Ok sure, what day do you want to go?"

"I don't know whatever..I just know I need to find a men's size 9 or 9 1/2 so it shouldn't be too hard, I'm really not all that particular about the colors. I've never been one to wear pink or purple tennies ya know?"

*insert blank SCARED stare #2 from husband here*

"You're going to buy MEN'S SHOES? Is there something you want to tell me?"

"No honey...but when you have 46C boobs and a woman's 12 Wide foot....even when you try and find things in your size..they aren't always comfortable. I bought 11 1/2 WIDE Saucony shoes last year and I had nothing but ingrown toe nails on my big toes ALL summer long. Men's shoes are made wider so I'll get a Mens' 9 1/2 or 10 WIDE and I'll be fine. I want to get them so I can wear them a few days a week at the gym and break them in before Disney. The last thing I want is ingrown toe nails by the end of Disney."

Now as I look over at my husband...well he looked like a woman just giving up. His shoulders were slumped over, head hung low in his cupped hands over his face, shaking his head from side to side and mumbling something as if he'd just didn't understand.

"Ok..I get it...men's shirts, men's shoes...comfort vs. style. Ok..fine...but please...if you start ONLY wearing Granny panties...I'm not kidding I'll leave you."

"Honey, I only wear granny panties when Aunt Flo is visiting town...you know this."

"Well thankgoodness Aunt Flo still visits...atleast when you're getting a period I get to remember you're a woman. What happened to the hottie I married?"

"She's right here...she just likes comfortable shoes and underwear."

"AGGGGGHHHHHH Honey That is something a DUDE would say."

"Well honey...I don't know what to tell you. Just because I like comfortable stuff doesn't mean I don't still dress up nice for you, I wear makeup everyday, I still enjoy all the girly things you tease me about. Just because I still LIKE dick, doesn't mean I'm going to grow one from wearing men's shoes."

"Well I SHOULD hope not...otherwise your penis will be bigger than mine by Easter."

With that...I walked away from him because I couldn't laugh in his face.

THIS is the insanity of my life.

2006 A Year in Review

My friend from Pardon the Egg Salad posted this..and I'll "borrow" the idea for now...

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? – I stopped worrying much about what other people think of me. The relief I feel now, was worth it.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? – About 60/40 of them kept. I’ve made a few for 2007.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? -- yes
4. Did anyone close to you die? -- yes

5. What countries did you visit? – does the UP of Michigan qualify?

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? – More quality time with my kids instead of feeling like I’m running 24/7

7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Feb. 3rd when my Mother’s husband died. I’ve never been in a room when someone had died. June 3rd, my daughter’s first b-day and the anniversary of the day I nearly died. Nov. 18th when I watched my son win a super bowl title with football. Oct. 2nd the day my husband started a new job.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? – Realizing that I was still capable of unconditional love for someone I’m NOT related to. I know this seems like a big stretch….but when you’re divorced and then fall in love again, only to be let down for a 2nd time. The next guy has a BIG order to fill. Luckily for me, my dear husband IS the guy for me.

9. What was your biggest failure? – Feeling like I let my kids down during a time of unconditional love. There was a time I actually uttered the words “They deserve a better Mother than me” and that was heartbreaking for me.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? – NO…2005 brought enough of that for me with my pregnancy. Aside from my husband being sideswiped by a semi and my son needing 4 staples in his head after falling off a bike oh then there was the “premature puberty” scare with my 18 month old….ah crap 2006 wasn’t much better in that department not that I look back. Well, we’re all alive and healthy so I guess we’re ok.

11. What was the best thing you bought? – I bought? Nothing really. I spend a great deal of money on my kids. $195 for traveling baseball, $211 for football…$50 to the March of Dimes to fight prematurity…..these were all great money spent.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? – My son growing up this football season. I know it sounds corny but Kyle’s never been much of a good sport in the losing department..and NOT that they lost..they actually never lost a game..but he learned to be something bigger. He learned he was a part of a team and that they all need each other. He grew tremendously over that 4 months. It took great dedication. With that he’s now transferred that dedication to his schoolwork, his sometimes rocky relationship with Jeff, he has great patience with his sister and he’s much more loving and open with me than he used to be and that’s saying A LOT because he's always been open with me.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? – My husband’s family once again. Their indifference towards my husband, his life, his family just saddens me. My own siblings have left something to be desired as well with their treatment of my Mother after the death of her husband.

14. Where did most of your money go? – Money? What money? When we had it…mostly to the kids and medical bills from 2005.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? – I GOT really excited about taking a trip to Seattle that I never got to take because of financial problems. Then my Mom brought me the idea of renting to own her house til 2009 when she can legally sell it to me…and the idea of our first home….well that’s kept me going since early Fall.

16. What song will always remind you of 2006? – Probably either the song by The Fray from Grey’s Anatomy that they played 100 times a day or “Come on Over” by Rob Thomas because CLEARLY I watch entirely too much ABC…but that was all over the airwaves for the fall season premiere shows. OR…”My Wish” by Rascal Flatts because we used it for a video montage for my sister in May of 2006 before it got released as a single and now I hear it all the time and think of her.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? – THIS time last year…about the same maybe a little happier but for the year I’m up 100 points because at this time last year I had NO idea what was about to happen to my husband’s job situation and what kind of toll that would take on our lives.
b) thinner or fatter? –probably the same..but much fatter from 2004 still carrying around 50 lbs of baby weight.
c) richer or poorer? – At this time last year…richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? – Exercise, reading and SLEEP
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? – worrying
20. How will you be spending Christmas? – we spent it as we always have- product of a divorced family. Christmas Eve with Mom, Christmas Day at Dad’s

21. Did you fall in love in 2006? – All over again with my DH, just when I was worried I might have lost it too.

22. How many one-night stands? – HA….none…happily married

23. What was your favorite TV program? – Probably Grey’s Anatomy or Lost

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? – Uh…hate is a strong word..but I have very strong ill feelings and it’s so unfortunate for me really.

25. What was the best book you read? Oh goodness..isn’t it hard to remember these things…my friend at work gave it to me. It’s strictly letters between two friends, no direct dialogue over their 50 year span of friendship. It was so inspiring to see 2 women still be friends after all that time. It made me hopeful.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Not any ONE just realizing that I can love my old “hip hop” 90s music as well as new country, Bob Seger, Fleetwood Mac and 3 Doors Down.

27. What did you want and get? – I wanted my husband to get a better job and he did.

28. What did you want and not get? – I didn’t get to spend more time with myself. Something I hope to rectify in 2007.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? -- I don’t think it came out this year…but I love character studies..and I really loved “The Family Stone”. That could totally BE my family.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? – Well I have another coming up…but it’s Jan. 3rd and in 2006 I was 33. I didn’t really do anything much….this year I won’t again. It’s so close to NYE and no one wants to go out again…so I usually go out in early Feb and we celebrate mine AND my husband’s together.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? My husband’s family coming to visit him because I know how much it would mean to him.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? – If it remotely fits I wear it.

33. What kept you sane? The same thing that makes me crazy, my kids.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? – mmmmm….even though I don’t watch the show (Friday Night Lights)….seeing Kyle Chandler back on TV makes me happy. Matthew Fox from Lost has been an obsession of mine since Party of Five. He’s yummy.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? – how much time do you have?

36. Who did you miss? – I miss my Mom. She’s not the same as she used to be. She’s much more concerned with how other people see her and less concerned that she has 4 kids and 4 grandkids that adore her. She's the a-typical single Mother becoming very selfish later in life..which isn't a bad thing...but everything in moderation.

37. Who was the best new person you met? – The best people I know I’ve known a few years….but there wasn’t any one person that stands out. I have gotten to know a few close friends BETTER and we've grown closer and I realize how much I need them in my life. Also I reconnected with an OLD friend again..and that has made me happy that we can still be friends now because we're the same people we were then. That's quite comforting.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006. Unconditional love makes you crazy. Roll with it, treasure it, cherish it, nurture it..it will come back to you.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Been running from these feelings for so long
Telling my heart I didn't need you
Pretending I was better off alone
But I know that it's just a lie
So afraid to take a chance again
So afraid of what I feel inside
But I need to be next to you

Sara Evans- "Need To Be Next To You"

2007 and the changes it will bring

In less than one week on January 3rd I will have a birthday. I will be 34.

34 doesn't sound the same as it did when we were 21. Remember being 21 and thinking 34 seemed SO middle-aged then. Yeah...kinda but not really.

I think I'm having the hardest time realizing that I'm 34 and I never finished my bachelor's degree, my son is 4 1/2 school years before starting his and we still don't own a house.

Now separately NONE of these things really bother me all that much...but when you list them...not much fun.

Anyway, along with me turning 34, my Mother and I share the same b-day as well as my LOVELY (ackcoughbullshitcough) Mother in Law also has the same b-day. We are all January 3rd. Should my loving husband ever forget that January 3rd is his Mother's, Wife's and Mother in law's b-day..I promise you ...they will never find the body. My Mom is going to be 52. My Mother in Law...I think 66..maybe 67.

The very next day my brother turns 24, 10 days after that my BABY sister turns 21.

That's right

My Mom and I on the 3rd
My brother the 4th
My sister the 14th

January is an insane b-day month for my family.

Shortly thereafter my dear husband turns 34 on Feb. 2nd. Groundhog Day. He reminds me often that I'm a month older than him..and how I'm robbing the cradle. Really the joke is old.

The summer will bring my son's 8th grade graduation and his last summer of playing baseball with his friends before we make our big move about 90 minutes away to a more northwest suburb of Chicago. My daughter will turn 2 and more than likely I will stop working in downtown Chicago because my commute will more than double.

Before I know it fall of 2007 will find my son a freshman in high school and the holidays will be banging down the down once again.

Time really does fly...but since 2008 brings not only a happy 5th wedding anniversary for Jeff & I...but also my MID 30s and my 35th birthday perhaps 2007 could go a little slower than 2006 did...that would be great.

What DO other people call it?

My husband. God Love Him.

I love him.

However, he is the HORNIEST person I have ever met. Now normally this isn't a problem. I'm a girl that likes her lovin'.

Considering we've barely seen each other awake for the last month because of all the hours Jeff has been putting in..it seems that the only thing I hear from his mouth lately is

"Can we have an appointment tonight?"

It gets a little old. Oh I know you're wondering appointment for what? to have your teeth cleaned, for the plumber to come over, dinner meeting with the financial planner.

In our house "Can we have an appointment tonight?" = NOOKIE

This started a while back...years actually because our then tender eared 11 year old couldn't stand to hear the word SEX let alone referenced in the same sentence as his parents. Now that he's 14, he gets it. NOT SEX god I hope not..but he understands the birds and bees and he knows that is how his sister got here...so he figures that we did it at some point. I mean we didn't go running around "Hey Kyle Dad and I are gonna have SEX tonight ok?" Although we'll do that to him now just to watch him turn green. We are the most disgusting parents ever.

But it started with Kyle and we've found it to be quite functional in our daily discussions. He can say that to me when someone might be listening at work or if he's talking to me while pumping gas...no one has to know "HEY BABE can we have wild monkey sex tonight?" They just hear "appointment" and I can answer "Yes, an appointment is set." and truthfully anyone that might here me hasn't a clue what the appointment is for.

Over time we've gotten more lax about saying it in front of people....and just the other day at Kyle's last basketball game I was leaving early to run an errand and he kissed me goodbye and said "Do we have an appointment tonight?" and I said "Yes, we do." It was as I was walking away that I heard one of our very straight-laced Mom friends say "Oh you 2 have a counseling appointment tonight or something, is there anything I can do?"

So I laughed all the way out the door. Upon getting home I said to Jeff "Lisa assumed our appointment was with a counselor? Do we really scream WE NEED THERAPY that much? Who knew?"

He started laughing and said..."I didn't have the heart to tell her what it really meant so I told her we were fine but we had an appt to wrap presents for Christmas. But I had to fight really hard to say it with a straight face because the whole time all I could think was What do you think Lisa and Bob DO call it."

We laughed so hard.....

So today as I start to relax and realize that I survived another year of my insanity of a life...and how lucky I am to be married to this man...I think I can squeeze him in for an appointment tonight.

Aren't you glad you read THAT?

Meet the Morrisons

So as I try and catch up from a long weekend, it dawned on me that you might want to see something besides my adorable children.

What I'll give you is this

An adorable family photo from Christmas Day.

The hystericalness that is Casey's bedhead.

My daughter cleaning house in her Christmas best. She is a RENAISSANCE woman.

My hysterical kids and their "matching" hats.



Happy Siblings at the indoor winter fest.

But not for long because I MADE Kyle ride the kiddie train with his sister..."OH the horror" of being embarrassed by your Mother.

Christmas Came----Christmas Went

I mean it came so fast...and now...by Tues the 26th my tree is down.

My reality for the "holidays" as in Thanksgiving and Christmas.

I will always be the reason my husband doesn't go home to visit his family for the holidays. (Can anyone detect the sarcasm?)..when really....my husband is in RETAIL management. Yes that's right..you've heard of "blackout dates" for cheap airfare...there are "blackout dates" that Jeff is not allowed to take vacation. October 22nd - January 10th. NO vacation days. He can "request" a day off to be his scheduled day off...but NO continuous days off because as of Oct. 22nd they also go to MANDATORY 6 day weeks til Jan. 10th. BUT I AM THE REASON. "Angie's family expects you there..."

YA think? Because my husband works 60+ hours a week the entire month of December. If his family HONESTLY thinks watching my husband fall asleep sitting up while my family opens presents on Christmas Eve at 7pm is FUN for me....uh...no. He then got up Christmas morning at 7:30am and opened gifts with our kids, I made breakfast and by 9am Casey was ready for a morning nap so down they went together. They slept until 11:15.

Again, after much yawning on his part and opening gifts at my Dad's house...Casey was ready for a nap around 2:30pm, when I let Jeff lie down with her AGAIN. He napped til 4pm and she slept til 4:30pm.

The rest of the month...a blur for my husband...he remembers very little.

By Tuesday I was pretty wiped and as my husband went off to work again 8am-6pm for one of the busiest shopping days of the year...my wonderful teenaged son and I looked around the house at the open boxes of clothing, toys, CDs, DVDs and just stared at each other.

"Mom, we got a lot of shit."

"KYLE"

"Oops sorry. Mom, we got a lot of STUFF."

At this point I'm giggling hysterically because yes..sign me up for the bad parent of the year...I think it's utterly hysterical when a cuss word slips from his mouth. I also think it's hysterical when he walks away mooning me, burps, farts or snorts pop through his nose laughing at a TV commercial...what can I say? I'm the MOTHER of a TEENAGE son...most of these things are utterly hysterical.

"Yes...Kyle.... we did."

"Mom we SO need to get a house.. (which is ironic since we are in the summer..but anyway...). I can't even see the floor over there."

"Yes...I know. What do you think we should do?"

"I don't know...I hate to say this...but we need that corner. I think we need to take the tree down."

"Yes....Kyle I think your right..but it's only the 26th. We always leave the tree up til after New Years."

"Well I know but I hate the thought of Casey not being able to play with all her new toys...Can't we just leave Christmas lights up in the living room with the Christmas cards....for another week."

"Sounds like a plan...."

So for the first time ever I took down my Christmas tree on December 26th. I felt like Mrs. Grinch that Hated Christmas ever. I actually cried at one point. What am I a loser? Jeez...it's just a tree...then it dawned on me...this would be the last time I would have the tree up in MY apartment.

The first apartment I had on my own. The apartment I have lived in for 9 years. The first place I called home after my divorce from my first husband. The place I begged Jeff to move into because I couldn't move Kyle from the only place he'd ever called home. As of July we will be moving. We are going to rent to own my Mom's house. ( I know that sounds odd but she can't LEGALLY sell the place til 2009 so it's the only way to move in while not throwing rent out the window).

This time next year, we'll be in a house. That was very overwhelming to me. Maybe because I realize that despite the fact that I'm on my 2nd marriage with 2 children...and about to turn 34. I AM TURNING INTO A GROWNUP....when in the hell did THAT happen?

Anyway, a few hours later Kyle and I had taken down the tree, put the boxes back in our storage unit in the basement, organized what we now refer to as "Casey's Corner", vacuumed and dusted. With no tree, no half open clothes boxes, no tiny remnants of corners of wrapping paper stuck to tape...it didn't even look like Christmas happened around my house...which really made me very sad.