Welcome to My Life of Organized Chaos Where Crazy Eventually Catches up to you!


A Spin on the MeMe

I see a meme floating around about 8 things about you that maybe you haven't already divulged. Since my weekend feels like I'm hardly going to be home...because

  • Today Kyle has a 1/2 day and I agreed to take he and some friends to a skate park almost an hour away, which means I won't get home til about 5:30. Just in time to drive him to batting practice and figure out what to make for dinner.
  • Tomorrow morning I volunteered to work at a blood drive for a local kid we know with ALL.
  • From there Kyle has a 10:30 game in town. That should be over around 12:30.
  • I have to feed him quickly because we have to leave again at 1:45 for his games an hour away.
  • Yes I said GAMES because he plays travel ball at 3:30 and 5:30 (yes he'll play 3 baseball games in one day)
  • Come home and collapse around 8 again...when are we supposed to eat?
  • Sunday I have the Cancer Walk in the morning. Straight from there I have to drive an hour or so BACK OUT OF DOWNTOWN CHICAGO (oh the traffic) to yet another baseball game at 3pm, which means I should get home around 6pm on Sunday..to yet again...make dinner.

So as you can see.....I'm too tired already to think of interesting things about myself.

How about you guys ask me some questions?

  • Anyone have any questions about my dear husband, Jeff?
  • What about Kyle?
  • My ex-husband?
  • My parents?

Rather than think of 8 really random things ...this seems much more fun... Come one let's have it...and nothing is too "off the wall" or personal, believe me.

So fire away.....


Stage Fright

I'm sitting here killing time before I have to get in the shower.

See today...I'm going to a real live "Day Spa" where I get to go and tell another new girl ..how my under chin is full of scary, wire like hairs and how they need to come out. I'm not paying $40 for my face to be done only to have to go home again and get out my OWN tweezers.

If you can't do a decent job...then I'll find someone else.

This is the second place I'm trying since getting laid off. I tried another lady twice. She didn't cut it.

Jeff and I happened to be walking through a little courtyard after a nice dinner out last week when I realized there was a cute upscale day spa near our house. So I made an appointment.

I'm so intimidated by these places..where all the girls have perfect makeup, perfect clothes, perfect hair. I have no fingernails I bite them..terribly bad. My clothes..well...they leave a little to be desired and my hair..personally done bottle job.

If all that isn't bad enough..my feet...basically are FLINTSTONE FEET. They need help. Now they only had a pedicure about 3 weeks ago so they aren't GOD awful..but they need some work too.

I just hate sitting there feeling so self-conscious.

I have an 11am pedicure and a noon facial waxing appointment.

Hopefully I like what they do and don't feel to chicken to go back.

When did I suddenly turn back into a overly insecure 8th grader?



I don't talk very often about religion..here or otherwise.

I was born and baptized Catholic. I made my first Communion and my Reconciliation. I was never Confirmed and at the time it had more to do with convenience for my Mother of the CCD classes than my wishes to quit or stop pursuing my sacraments.

After my non-confirmation I went to church on average once a month from 14 through 19. At 19 my Priest refused to baptize Kyle. See in 1992 I had broken just about every belief the church had. I'd had premarital sex and while I was doing it...I WAS using birth control. Of course I decided NOT to terminate the pregnancy but that wasn't good enough.

That was when I became a non-practicing Catholic.

In 2001 Kyle started attending a children's bible study at a Baptist church with a friend. I decided to give it a shot. I went at least 3 times a month, stayed for luncheons, took the beginner's bible study class and got involved.

When I asked a friend of ours that was also one of the Youth Pastors at the church to marry Jeff and I outside the church in early 2003 he said yes. A few months later he wasn't sure if he was comfortable marrying Jeff and I. I asked if it was because I was asking to be married OUTSIDE the church. He said that wasn't it. He felt as if Jeff and I weren't EQUALLY YOKED.

It isn't as if Jeff has ever said "I don't believe in God." Jeff felt relatively the same as I did. He was raised Catholic but didn't share some of the churches monumental beliefs so he didn't like feeling like a hypocrite. He wasn't sure where he belonged in organized religion but he mostly certainly believes in God.

Our friend declined and we ended up getting a non-denominational minister to marry us.

4 years later Jeff and I still don't attend a church. It isn't as if we've tried very hard; we've been to a few different churches but it never seems to work out. Somehow we just don't feel comfortable there.

Do I believe in God? Bet your ass I do.
Does he know I swear? Sure he does.
Does he know I had a child out of wedlock? Check.
Does he know I lived with Jeff before marriage? Check.

God knows everything I've done wrong and yet he continues to bless me every day.

He continues to shine the sun on me day after day lighting me up with the warmth of my kids' smiles.

He continues to color my world with the beautiful blue eyes of my husband that look on me with the greatest unconditional love I've ever known.

He continues to bring sound to the music of my heart when I think of the person I've become through all the trials and tribulations in my life. Maybe I've not always done the "right" things but I've always tried to make the BEST decisions I could with where my life was AT that particular moment.

I don't regret many decisions I've made. I'm not ashamed of who I am and I think God can understand that because God isn't perfect either.

Sometimes I wonder if there is a heaven or hell. Will I get Left Behind? Will I sit in limbo in my afterlife? Will my kids? I don't know.

I only know that I believe in him. I talk to him. I try and do things to show him my appreciation for the blessings he's given me. I pray to him almost daily. Sometimes in the shower, sometimes in my car. Sometimes I go to the most peaceful place I can think of and walk through the woods and praise him for all the beauty that surrounds me. Some days I even curse him when I think he's made a bad decision...but ya know what...who I am to judge whether he did the right or wrong thing?

I know that I believe in him and he believes in me.....and that's faith enough for me.


When the phone rings

  • When the phone rings at 8:50 am you know it isn't going to be good...
  • When the phone rings and it's not your son's school with a problem you know it isn't going to be good...
  • When the phone rings and it's not a telemarketer you know it isn't going to be good...
  • When the phone rings and it's not your Mom calling to chat away her ride to work you know it isn't going to be good...

However, when the phone rings at 8:50 am the last thing you expect to hear is your Father telling you that your uncle, his brother is dead.

My Uncle Mark, age 51 or 52 died of a diabetic complication sometime in the last 2 days at his home. His current girlfriend alerted police after he didn't answer his phone for just over a day. My Dad was told by the police that he was gone after they'd arrived and found his body.

My Dad is currently at his brother's home waiting for the crematorium to pick up his body and going through his things.

My Uncle has had severe diabetes for as long as I can remember. From what the girlfriend says he wasn't taking care of himself because he was sick on average, twice a week. He hated being restricted on what and when he could eat. He hated giving up alcohol and only stopped drinking about a year ago.

Rest in peace Uncle Mark. Hopefully you're in a place where you can eat, drink and be happy.


Time to make a difference

I'm up and moving this morning thinking of all the things I need/want to try and get done this week.

That's when it hit me.

I'm doing the Chicago Cancer Walk THIS Sunday with my family (with the exception of Kyle since he has baseball).

I'm pretty excited about this. More than I thought I'd be.

Then I realize I have 2 huge bags of clothes to donate to the Women's Shelter and I also left a bag of canned goods for the Postal Food drive this past Saturday.

Just when I think I don't do ANYTHING to make a difference; I realize I do try. They may only be little things but if everyone did a few small things; together they would add up.

I am my own worst critic. Always have been.

For those of you that have already donated to my cause...THANK YOU SO MUCH.

If anyone is interested in sponsoring Casey and I on our walk for Sunday, you can click the links below.

Click here to visit my personal page.If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:http://www.walkroll.org/site/TR?px=1239701&pg=personal&fr_id=1050&s_tafId=7000

Click here to view the team page for Team ButlerIf the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:http://www.walkroll.org/site/TR?team_id=9910&pg=team&fr_id=1050&s_tafId=7000